Every Wednesday, in an undisclosed location, Mike Pence, Betsy DeVos, Mike Pompeo, Rick Perry, and Jeff Sessions gather together to eat milk and cookies and study their Bibles with Ralph Drollinger, a guy who played six games of professional basketball 40 years ago and is now a pastor. A
But the real bible thumpers would have left one of their fake $20.00 bills that is supposed to fool the waitstaff that their real reward will come in the aferlife.
1 Corinthians, says that "women should remain silent in churches", and in 1 Timothy 2 paul declared that he does "not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man".
Now in that town was stationed a Roman Garrison. The off-duty Romans had taken to a game (invented by the Egyptians) called Ball in Basket. The soldiers had set a fruit basket onto a pole and then tossed a ball into it. Part of the game was competing to see who could talk the loudest and brag about their skill.
Now Jesus and his disciples were drinking some wine in a nearby tavern. Some of the disciples began to mutter about "Roman Folly".
But Jesus was very interested in what was happening. He finished his wine, got up and walked over to where the Romans were playing and asked if he could join in!
A centurion, Ralphius Dumbassius, laughed throwing the ball to Jesus and challenging him to some "one on one". But Jesus insisted that he play against THREE Romans instead!
Here Jesus suddenly launched the ball in a graceful arc that carried the ball right through the center of the basket! Nor did the ball bounce upon the ground for Jesus was already under the basket and had caught the spinning ball on just his index finger where it continued to spin!
"I believe good Romans that I am now warmed up!"
Without further ado Jesus put on a clinic featuring some very deft ball-handling, shooting, head fakes, rebounding, defense and ball stealing. He committed no fouls. He ended the game with a thunderous slam dunk!
Jesus returned to his gob-smacked disciples and ordered some more wine. Simon Peter finally managed to reel his jaw back up from the ground and asked: "Master! That was incredible! Where did you learn to do that?"
"I learned to do that on the streets and playgrounds of Egypt." Jesus replied.
"As a child my family fled there as refugees from Herod's persecution. That fox had it in for me. I found out that I had some game and that helped me fit in with those true Maestros of Basketball!
That was Paul. Not Jesus. Paul started his illustrious career being full-metal-jacket intolerant towards Christians, and when he converted on the road to Damascus (which vision and conversion might have been an epileptic fit, but never mind) he made a one-hundred-eighty-degree turn to going full-metal-jacket intolerant towards anybody who WASN'T a Christian.I have a suspicion that Jesus, if he really had been resurrected and ascended into heaven, was not seeing Paul hijack his message and twist it with any great pleasure. Maybe he cried, "I came into the world to teach forgiveness and love and wouldn't it be great if people were nice to each other, and even got crucified for it, and all just so this asshole could ruin everything?"
Calvinism at its most stupid
Never mind. That will be misconstrued when I was actually trying to make a Supernatural joke.
Yeah, but it's all nonsense.
Arkansas; "too many people, not enough surnames".
But the real bible thumpers would have left one of their fake $20.00 bills that is supposed to fool the waitstaff that their real reward will come in the aferlife.
Well sure. who ever heard of a cat speaking Turkish?
Sigh. There's always a catch.
"simple country athiest with an extended Catholic family" - me too! Robyn you are hilarious.
“Homosexuality and same-sex ceremonies are illegitimate in God’s eyes. [...]"
Shouldn't this very pious dude be aware that presuming to know the mind of god is blasphemy?
i have been living on JC Superstar for the last month or so (the original, not the Legend one - though i did watch).
not sure why? possibly a longing for 70's guitar?
1 Corinthians, says that "women should remain silent in churches", and in 1 Timothy 2 paul declared that he does "not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man".
His bible lessons only use the parts that make his class feel comfortable. No deep theological thoughts are required.
So St. Peter wasn't the rock? Or did Jesus lie? Or maybe if you speak to biblical inerrancy, you just make shit up?
From the Gospel According to Morris:
Now in that town was stationed a Roman Garrison. The off-duty Romans had taken to a game (invented by the Egyptians) called Ball in Basket. The soldiers had set a fruit basket onto a pole and then tossed a ball into it. Part of the game was competing to see who could talk the loudest and brag about their skill.
Now Jesus and his disciples were drinking some wine in a nearby tavern. Some of the disciples began to mutter about "Roman Folly".
But Jesus was very interested in what was happening. He finished his wine, got up and walked over to where the Romans were playing and asked if he could join in!
A centurion, Ralphius Dumbassius, laughed throwing the ball to Jesus and challenging him to some "one on one". But Jesus insisted that he play against THREE Romans instead!
Here Jesus suddenly launched the ball in a graceful arc that carried the ball right through the center of the basket! Nor did the ball bounce upon the ground for Jesus was already under the basket and had caught the spinning ball on just his index finger where it continued to spin!
"I believe good Romans that I am now warmed up!"
Without further ado Jesus put on a clinic featuring some very deft ball-handling, shooting, head fakes, rebounding, defense and ball stealing. He committed no fouls. He ended the game with a thunderous slam dunk!
Jesus returned to his gob-smacked disciples and ordered some more wine. Simon Peter finally managed to reel his jaw back up from the ground and asked: "Master! That was incredible! Where did you learn to do that?"
"I learned to do that on the streets and playgrounds of Egypt." Jesus replied.
"As a child my family fled there as refugees from Herod's persecution. That fox had it in for me. I found out that I had some game and that helped me fit in with those true Maestros of Basketball!
That was Paul. Not Jesus. Paul started his illustrious career being full-metal-jacket intolerant towards Christians, and when he converted on the road to Damascus (which vision and conversion might have been an epileptic fit, but never mind) he made a one-hundred-eighty-degree turn to going full-metal-jacket intolerant towards anybody who WASN'T a Christian.I have a suspicion that Jesus, if he really had been resurrected and ascended into heaven, was not seeing Paul hijack his message and twist it with any great pleasure. Maybe he cried, "I came into the world to teach forgiveness and love and wouldn't it be great if people were nice to each other, and even got crucified for it, and all just so this asshole could ruin everything?"
The only reason the camel couldn't fit through the eye of the needle is that it didn't have enough guns!