Trump Begs Clarence Thomas To Restore Transparency To Review Of, Um, Secret Docs He Stole From Government

All of that headline, all of it is the joke.

There's so much going on, it's easy to forget the most recent illegitimate president of the United States stole Top Secret classified government documents and hid them in his tacky Palm Beach McMansion. We still don't know the motive or if he planned to sell the documents to America's enemies or use them for Secret Santa with his dictator friends or if he was planning to try to use them to blackmail the government, in case the government tried to prosecute him for other crimes. (That's Michael Cohen's theory, in case you hadn't heard.)

The saga continues, with the documents and the Special Master Trump begged for, which is ultimately biting him in the dick, and with the moron Trump-appointed Judge Aileen Cannon, who apparently thinks she's one of Trump's personal lawyers.

 Trump is now begging Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to intervene and give the Special Master back about 100 documents with classification markings seized at Mar-a-Lago, documents that had been removed from his purview. That way it would be easier for Trump to keep objecting to the search, and to argue it was fine for Trump to have the documents, because attorney-client privilege, or executive privilege, or another privilege Trump just made up, or because he squeezed his sphincter really hard and magically declassified them before he left office.

Up to now, those 100 documents have not been part of the review, because of how they are obviously the government's property and not Trump's; the actual president's (Joe Biden's) executive privilege outweighs Trump's imaginary executive privilege; the Justice Department is part of the executive branch anyway; and oh my God how do we even have to type this?

Originally Aileen Cannon — idiot — said these documents couldn't be used in the criminal investigation while Special Master Raymond Dearie was doing his thingie. The 11th Circuit replied and said Aileen Cannon is an idiot. 

Clarence Thomas is the judge over the 11th Circuit, so ...

PLEASE HALP, CLARENCE THOMAS! MAKE THEM GIVE THE DOCUMENTS I STOLED BACK TO THE SPECIAL MASTER!

OR MAYBE YOUR WIFE GINNI THOMAS MIGHT BE ABLE TO HOLD ON TO THE DOCUMENTS! MAYBE SHE CAN PUT THEM IN HER PURSE OR NEXT TO HER BOSOM! SHE'S A TEAM PLAYER, RIGHT?

Just kidding, the filing does not suggest Ginni Thomas store the 100 documents in her bosom for safekeeping. At least we are pretty sure it doesn't say that, but can't be certain, as we did not read it all, and Christ only knows what a Trump lawyer might write with a straight face.

It also isn't saying the documents shouldn't be used in DOJ's criminal investigation. They just also need to go back to the Special Master, for transparency purposes. 

Politico excerpts:

“Any limit on the comprehensive and transparent review of materials seized in the extraordinary raid of a President’s home erodes public confidence in our system of justice,” Trump’s attorneys, Christopher Kise, James Trusty, Evan Corcoran and Lindsey Halligan, wrote in the 37-page filing .

Trump’s emergency application does not appear to ask the high court to revive the part of Cannon’s order that blocked the Justice Department and FBI from using the documents with classification markings in their ongoing criminal investigation.

Instead, Trump appears to be asking Thomas simply to return those documents potentially containing national security secrets to the process being run by Special Master Raymond Dearie, a veteran U.S. District Court judge in New York whom Cannon tapped for the role at Trump’s request.

“In sum, the Government has attempted to criminalize a document management dispute and now vehemently objects to a transparent process that provides much-needed oversight,” Trump’s lawyers wrote.

We love how Trump's hack lawyers keep trying to call this a "document management dispute," in an attempt to distract from how there's literally no circumstance where a traitor criminal former president stealing America's secrets and keeping them next to the mini-fridge at Camp Crawling With Spies (Allegedly!) is on the up-and-up.

Anyway, HALP, CLARENCE THOMAS!

Thomas is giving the Department of Justice until next Tuesday to respond, and Politico says Thomas will probably refer the matter to the full Court.

As usual with the current partisan hack Supreme Court, who even knows what they'll do? Will they tell Trump to fuck off? Or will Trump's justices make up some new laws to protect the man they owe their careers to?

Who can tell? They're not serious people, this could go either way.

[ Politico ]

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