18 Out Of 18 Former Trump Officials Agree Trump Didn't Declassify Dick

Also more paranoia about which of Ivanka's husbands is the mole, ALLEGEDLY.

We are getting to that point in the story of the very legal and very cool FBI search of Donald Trump's garbage Palm Beach palace that so many things are happening at once, we may just have to dive in and tell you things wherever we find them. Our point in saying that is that we are sure there will be more updates on what you need to know about the hearing that happened yesterday about releasing the affidavit that led to the search warrant and everything else. ( The judge thinks it should be released, maybe, but only after being heavily redacted. We hope this isn't the judge naively thinking that might make the treasontraitorfuckweasels in Trump's inner circle and on Fox news shut their fucking mouths, because that is not how our broken America works.)

In this blog post, two stories.

Story the first:

 CNN asked a bunch of former very high up Trump people if there was ever any truth to Donald Trump's obvious lie that he had a standing order that anything he stuck under his armpit and waddled upstairs to the residence or to Florida with was automatically declassified. Here are the answers from 18 of those very higher-ups, all of which are "LOL go fuck a moose."

• "Bullshit" — former senior administration official.

• “Nothing approaching an order that foolish was ever given [...] And I can’t imagine anyone that worked at the White House after me that would have simply shrugged their shoulders and allowed that order to go forward without dying in the ditch trying to stop it.” — former chief of staff John Kelly

• "Not aware of a general standing order" — former chief of staff Mick Mulvaney

• "Total nonsense. [...] If that’s true, where is the order with his signature on it? If that were the case, there would have been tremendous pushback from the Intel Community and DOD, which would almost certainly have become known to Intel and Armed Services Committees on the Hill.” — former senior White House official.

• “He was counseled that’s not the way it works." — some source "with knowledge of how the former president operated."

• "A complete fiction." — former national security advisor John Bolton

• “I was not briefed on anything like that when I started as national security adviser. [...] I never heard of it, never saw it in operation, never knew anything about it.” — also Bolton, on CNN earlier this week. 

•   "Ludicrous." — Olivia Troye, former homeland security adviser to Mike Pence.

• "Ridiculous." — former senior intelligence official.

• "Laughable" and also, if it was true, it was "Trump's best kept secret," said somebody "familiar with White House records and declassification."

• “There is a process to declassify, the president can’t just wave a magic wand." — former senior Trump White House official

• “It doesn’t even work that way, there is an actual process" — former senior national security official

• “If this existed, there had to be some way to memorialize it. [...] The White House counsel had to write it down. Otherwise, how would people throughout the government know what to declassify?” — John Bolton again, on CNN earlier this week again.

• “They would have resigned.” — former senior intelligence official, who said people like former CIA director Gina Haspel would have found out about it if Trump was trying to declassify whatever documents he stuck up his butt, and would have quit.

You get the idea. Told you they were all "LOL go fuck a moose."

Story the number two:

Heavenly god jesus, this is just some low-hanging fruit to laugh at, so let's do it.

There's been a lot of speculation that whoever tipped off the FBI to Donald Trump's basement secrets must have been close , possibly even family, considering what they knew about safes and what was in them and so forth. Wonkette engaged in some here, asking approximately five-thousand times in one paragraph if it's Jared. (Or Ivanka? Or both? Or one of their young children?) Michael Cohen thinks maybe it's one of the kids or Jared, so we'll take that as a vote for Wonkette's theory. Trump's niece Mary L. Trump is voting Jared. 

And now Business Insider is reporting, based on earlier reporting from The Guardian, that the paranoia around that is getting pretty bonkers, with Trump aides just being pretty sure it was a family member. Why? Because of Trump's fucking leather box, of course!

According to the sources, some aides were convinced that only a family member would have known to point agents to a particular leather-bound box, as well as knowing the location of Trump's safe.

They knew about the leather box! Who among us knows about the leather box? Is it Jared is it Ivanka is it Barron is it Melania is it Ivanka is it Jared is it Jared is it Jared?

Oh hey, here's one of Trump's clown car lawyers on Newsmax asking the Department of Justice to out its human intelligence source/s who provided evidence for the warrant.

““Trump’s attorney, Alina Habba, says that Trump wants the Department of Justice to release the names of the witnesses who helped secure the search warrant for Mar-a-Lago.”@TheRecount #TrumpIsANationalSecurityRisk #TrumpCrimeSyndicate https: //t.co/OzvO8Kp5Ak”

— Adam Rifkin 🐼🌻 (@Adam Rifkin 🐼🌻) 1660604408 

So that's not ominous or anything, considered in context of all the paranoia. We cannot imagine why they might want those name/s. It's not like these people act just like the Russian mob or anything when it comes to people who betray them.

More stories when Wonkit writes them!

[ CNN / Business Insider ]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .