Trump Demands Putin End War In 50 Days, Or Else He'll Probably Forget About The Whole Thing
The man is not known for his follow-through.
We’re not sure what’s funnier: Donald Trump finally realizing, a decade after everyone else did, that Vladimir Putin is jerking him around; Trump pathetically whining about Putin jerking him around; Trump giving Putin a deadline to end the war in Ukraine or else; or Trump announcing that the or else is slapping huge tariffs on Russia. Who takes Trump’s tariff threats seriously anymore? The man changes his mind on tariff deadlines and rates more frequently than he changes his Depends. (We are guessing.) Just ask literally any other country on the planet that the great dealmaker has threatened with tariffs in the last six months.
Our dimwitted big boy made the announcement on Monday morning during an Oval Office meeting/press spray/venting session. Seated next to Secretary-General of NATO Mark Rutte, and surrounded by all the gold he has added to the Oval Office so that it resembles nothing so much as the home of an incredibly insecure warlord, Trump announced that Putin better bring the war to a close in 50 days, or suffer the wrath of having 100 percent tariffs slapped on whatever the hell it is we import from Russia. Oil? Pickled herring? Hockey players? Cyrillic lettering?
The economist Justin Wolfers took to Bluesky to explain that actually we import almost nothing from Russia already thanks to the crippling sanctions we leveled on them for various past misdeeds, including the Ukraine invasion. “A 100% tariff on almost nothing will do almost nothing,” Wolfers said. We’ll assume he’s correct, math was our weakest subject in school.
Here is Trump making the announcement. In 40 seconds, he manages to complain about how much money the US has spent on the war ($350 billion according to him, much less than that according to reality), declaim any responsibility at all by calling it “Biden’s war,” whine about how disappointed he is that Putin hasn’t yet made a deal to stop the fighting, and try to sound magnanimous, as if he’s doing everyone a favor by working to bring the war to an end.
Masterful pissing and moaning, sir.
Why Putin would find this threatening is beyond us, not that Trump asked our opinion. But there is a reason the acronym TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) has become ubiquitous in describing him. First widespread tariffs were going into effect on April 2. Then Trump postponed that for 90 days so he would have time to negotiate 90 deals. Then the 90 days was up and nothing happened. Then out of the blue last week he sent embarrassingly written letters to 22 countries announcing new tariffs, including 35 percent on Canada because the Canadians don’t hate us enough already, and 50 percent on Brazil unless it stops prosecuting its former president for corruption. These new tariffs all go into effect on August 1.
In what we’re sure will also be a shock to everyone, Trump has not thought through any of the possible repercussions at all. We know, we also couldn’t believe it:
“There are a lot of people dying on something that should be able to be settled.” Sure, Putin’s ancient grudge and existential angst about reclaiming Ukraine for the Russian empire is something that shouldn’t be a big deal for him to give up, he has only been obsessing about it for years.
We will be unsurprised if later reporting reveals that Trump surprised his advisers and pulled that “50 days” number out of his ample tush while he was sitting there.
Of course if you ask Trump, he’ll tell you that Putin fooled every other president, but not him. Which will be news to literally anyone who hasn’t been in a coma since 2015.
While he was at it, Trump took a victory lap of sorts on the trade deals he thinks he negotiated with those countries he sent letters to last week:
That’s not how international trade deals work. You don’t just send a letter you dashed off on hotel stationary and say, “Okay, that’s done. Melania! Get out of the bathroom already!” There are all sorts of legal steps that you go through before a trade deal is official, which Trump damn well knows. He signed enough of them in his first term.
Anyway, August 1 is just over two weeks away. That’s plenty of time for Trump to TACO again. And then again. And then probably again after that.
If we were all our trading partners, including Russia, we would just sit tight. There’s a good chance he’ll change his mind or forget he even said anything in the first place.
By the way, it’s been posted elsewhere, but this happened in Trump’s luncheon with his faith and spirituality crew just an hour after Trump’s “threats” above, him and the crowd laughing it up about how he has these great meetings with Vladimir Putin, and then Melania has to tell him Putin just bombed a nursing home. Ha ha! They all laugh.
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I just sent letters to all my neighbors about the new deal I have made with them.
I now own all their houses. Deal-making is easy!
He's sooooooooo thirsty for that Nobel Peace Prize.
Two weeks, my man, two weeks.