Donald Trump Knew Exactly What The Hell He Was Doing.

Let's read Trump's indictment and drink every time it mentions crime!

What's in the indictment of Donald Trump in Manhattan, may it be the first of many? And what kind of information can we learn from reading it?

Well first of all, hot tip, ladies and gentleladies:  Don't do crimes . And if you happen to be running for president and there are all these people out there saying "Extra! Extra! Read all about my porn peener hallelujah funtimes with the presidential candidate!" do NOT engage in major criminal schemes to organize payoffs to all those people and then lie about it in business records.

Just a life hack for you, courtesy of Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg.

 All the 34 felony counts are for falsifying business records. That document is boring to read. Click it to verify that we're not foolin' ya about it being boring, but then move on. It just says "these are the crimes." They are felonies instead of misdemeanors because DA Alvin Bragg and the grand jury assess that Trump falsified those business documents in furtherance of a criminal conspiracy to pay off Stormy Daniels to keep revelations of their sex story from damaging Trump's presidential prospects.

Considering the tiny margin by which he "won," and considering how Russia saved him from the "Access Hollywood" tape literally minutes after it broke, by dropping Anthony Podesta's emails through Wikileaks, concealing that story absolutely could have moved the needle. That's why this matters.

(For the record, he pleaded "not guilty," for the record, we don't believe him.)

The document you'll want to read is the statement of facts, and it's an easy-peasy quick read. Why, we even think your average Fox News viewer could figure it out, if any of them were ever inclined to check Fox's work. (Which is why it's too bad they probably haven't actually heard about the Dominion lawsuit texts that show that Fox News characters knowingly and willingly lie to them, like all the time.)

The statement of facts tells the whole entire story, not just the part about Stormy Daniels. It tells the story of how Trump and his loyal pals worked a whole scheme to keep naughty porny stories about him from coming out, thereby influencing the 2016 election. If you've been reading Wonkette and/or following American politics pretty closely since that election, a lot of this will be familiar to you.

Read it yourself, but the document describes:

1. How Michael Cohen, at the direction of Trump, paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 for her silence, by borrowing the cash from his HELOC, routing it through a BS consulting LLC he created, and then Trump and the Trump Organization engaged in all kinds of hinky shit to pay Michael Cohen back and make it look like legal fees. (He was not on retainer.) They even paid him back far over and above $130K, so that once he paid his taxes he would end up square.

2. How there was a whole "Catch and Kill" scheme/agreement with the former publisher of the National Enquirer — David Pecker! — whereby they'd make sure to get the "rights" to a person's exclusive story, and then, like, never publish it. For instance, Karen McDougal, the Playboy model! And remember ... the doorman? We had almost forgotten about the doorman. 

Here are some words:

[I]n or about October or November 2015, the [American Media, parent company of the Enquirer] CEO learned that a former Trump Tower doorman (the “Doorman”) was trying to sell information regarding a child that the Defendant had allegedly fathered out of wedlock. At the AMI CEO’s direction, AMI negotiated and signed an agreement to pay the Doorman $30,000 to acquire exclusive rights to the story. AMI falsely characterized this payment in AMI’s books and records, including in its general ledger. AMI purchased the information from the Doorman without fully investigating his claims, but the AMI CEO directed that the deal take place because of his agreement with the Defendant and Lawyer A.

When AMI later concluded that the story was not true, the AMI CEO wanted to release the Doorman from the agreement. However, Lawyer A instructed the AMI CEO not to release the Doorman until after the presidential election, and the AMI CEO complied with that instruction because of his agreement with the Defendant and Lawyer A.

"Lawyer A" is Cohen, if you didn't figure that out yet. The "Defendant" is Trump, if you are a big dumb who needs everything spelled out.

3. In the section about Karen McDougal,Bragg underlines that arrangements were being made there because "The Defendant did not want this information to become public because he was concerned about the effect it could have on his candidacy." You know, in case Trump really wants to try the "Melania defense" with any of this, arguing that he did all these things because he so very much didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings.

4. Once it gets to the Stormy Daniels section, it sets the scene, starting with the "Access Hollywood" tape on October 7. It talks about how worried Trump and his campaign were that it would hurt his candidacy. And it talks specifically about how Trump encouraged Cohen to wait as long as possible to actually make the payment to Stormy Daniels, because maybe once the election happened, it would be a moot point. (See again: "Melania defense" is bullshit.)

The Defendant directed Lawyer A to delay making a payment to Woman 2 as long as possible. He instructed Lawyer A that if they could delay the payment until after the election, they could avoid paying altogether, because at that point it would not matter if the story became public. As reflected in emails and text messages between and among Lawyer A, Lawyer B, and the AMI Editor-in-Chief, Lawyer A attempted to delay making payment as long as possible.

But then they paid her.

From there it goes into great detail about exactly how they falsified the business records, and who-all's grubby paws were on those checks. (Donald Trump Jr., oh hey. )

And it details alllllll the witness intimidation of Michael Cohen — Trump's efforts to keep him from cooperating with the feds, and how that one lawyer Robert Costello whispered sweet nothings in Cohen's ear about how he was so close with Trump's lawyer and he could be a "back channel" between Cohen and Trump and "Sleep well tonight, you have friends in high places.”

It goes ahead and copy/pastes Michael Cohen's guilty pleas too:

[O]n or about the summer of 2016, in coordination with, and at the direction of, a candidate for federal office, I and the CEO of a media company at the request of the candidate worked together to keep an individual with information that would be harmful to the candidate and to the campaign from publicly disclosing this information. After a number of discussions, we eventually accomplished the goal by the media company entering into a contract with the individual under which she received compensation of $150,000. I participated in this conduct, which on my part took place in Manhattan, for the principal purpose of influencing the election. [...]

[O]n or about October of 2016, in coordination with, and at the direction of, the same candidate, I arranged to make a payment to a second individual with information that would be harmful to the candidate and to the campaign to keep the individual from disclosing the information. To accomplish this, I used a company that was under my control to make a payment in the sum of $130,000. The monies I advanced through my company were later repaid to me by the candidate. I participated in this conduct, which on my part took place in Manhattan, for the principal purpose of influencing the election.

So much of this was in the criminal information in federal court for Michael Cohen, and of course a lot of it we know from reporting and congressional testimony and just wherever else.

Cohen went to prison for this shit.

Now Donald Trump should too. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing.

[ Trump criminal information ]

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