302 Comments
User's avatar
UnDrewsual's avatar

The more I hear from Trump's lawyers, the more I think I should have become a lawyer. I mean, these guys all have degrees and licenses, right? How hard can it be?

Question Cat's avatar

Then there's step 2, violating all your oaths

Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Liz. Shabbat Shalom. I can smell the desperation.

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

“True the Vote”

“Fight for Peace”

“Alternative Facts”

skinnercitycyclist's avatar

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

AnglRdr's avatar

"Most of them information was gotten," huh?

Maybe's avatar

I'm just surprised that the lawyers have not yet claimed that he is the Emperor of the Universe and therefore immune to all charges and entitled to unlimited free hamburgers for life. Which will be for a long time, since his doctor once proclaimed trump should live to be 200 and trump himself believes he is immortal.

Take out the "t" and his is correct about that last one.

Innocent Bystander's avatar

President Trump patiently explained this to the prosecutors.

Yeah, kinda like that guy in Las Vegas who patiently explained to the judge why he shouldn't have to go to jail again for Assault right before he jumped over the bench and tried to beat the bejeezus outta her.

Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

It would be amusing to see him rush toward anyone unaided.

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

“Oh hell no, bitch,” is always a compelling explanation.

Sherry's avatar

"as well as an award of attorneys fees to compensate his lawyers" . I literally guffawed at this. As IF any court in any land even Oobladi Ooblada would ever fucking do that. Pound sand you idiots.

Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

Look, they have to get paid by SOMEBODY.

Sherry's avatar

LOL. Spoiler-Those dumb lawyers won’t see their entire fee paid. I’m sure that they got an enormous retainer.

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

I bet they have a contract specifying a retainer that has not yet been paid in full.

Question Cat's avatar

Too bad too, since just starting the Jan 6 trial and reaching it's conclusion, would pretty much solve the whole thing.

littlerice vice's avatar

YEAH we have documented sources from a lot of people,officials and some of which I pulled out of my ASS

Runfastandwin's avatar

Again and again tangeranus does stuff that would land anyone else in serious hot water and the judges do naught but flap their gums if that.

Revenant's avatar

Eeyup. Assmouth's position is that he should be allowed to lie, slander and defame everybody in the justice system involved in his court cases, up to and beyond the point of inciting violence, because asking him to pipe down is the greatest violation of his 1st Amendment rights in history. And that when the Special Counsel fails to acknowledge his Divine Right to do what he pleases, thst can only be impermissible partisanship. If he or his mouthpieces were educated beyond grade school, we'd be hearing accusations of "Lèse-majesté ". After all, his fantasy of Absolute Personal Immunity amounts to the old truism of English law that "the King can do no wrong", because from him flows all authority.

littlerice vice's avatar

What about "NOBLESSE OBLIGE"?

Revenant's avatar

None of them would have the faintest what that is, much less attempt to practice it.

Secret Agent Super Dragon's avatar

"But somehow he keeps managing to skate away. Which is weird because his lawyers SUCK!"

Yeah, I'd like A Legal Person to explain that because it seems like the last few years have been

"Your Honor we move to dismiss because neener neener boo boo and also BUUURRRRRRP"

"Well, gosh, this is a very reasonable argument, I need three months to think about it."

Shire Jansen's avatar

You could substitute in the Bannon Contempt of Congress appeal hearing with the scenario you've provided, we are almost at the 60 day point from appeal hearing, 19 months since conviction, 15 months from the date he was supposed to report to jail. I was given a 1.5 hour notice to report to jury duty last year, I barely made it and nearly had a coronary in the process, something is very wrong with our judicial system. Vote 💙

https://www.justice.gov/usao-dc/pr/stephen-k-bannon-found-guilty-jury-two-counts-contempt-congress

Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

I think they are waiting till five months before the election to toss his ass in prison as that will be the most effective time for his absence.

Shire Jansen's avatar

Ohhh, I like the way your mind works, Thank you for that fun scenario. I hope they give him solitary confinement for his own protection. 😉

Sherry's avatar

WTAF?!! That guy needs to go somewhere where no one can hear him.

Shire Jansen's avatar

Thank you, yes please, and double the sentence for the additional fouling of minds he's done in the interim. 💙

Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

The information was gotten from Sources, Tapes, and Public Records so it must be legit.

Vic's avatar

Germanic Capitalization of random Nouns shows He's sEriOus!

Wookiee Monster's avatar

The court should impose sanctions on Trump’s lawyers for filing these bullshit motions that are clearly just dictated by Trump to assuage his temper tantrums.

Maryland Bear's avatar

"Dinesh D’Souza’s pals at True the Vote"

Distort D'Newsa has pals? Who knew?

skinnercitycyclist's avatar

Isn't she less a "pal" and more a "liquor store"?

Zap's avatar

Both. I think they dated?

Vic's avatar

Before or after he cheated on his wife with an underage "assistant"? Or is that David Brooks?

Nix Besser's avatar

Arthur, you are dating yourself (as am I). Distort D'Newsa was a nickname for him from back in the 80's

Maryland Bear's avatar

I learned in when I was… negative eight years old. (I was PRECOCIOUS!)

The Wanderer's avatar

"Kinda ironic coming from Trump’s lawyers demanding the trial court come down like a ton of bricks on the special counsel for docketing discovery at the very moment they’re lobbing this bullshit at the appeals court, huh?"

Presupposes that these idiots have a sense of irony - or any sense of shame.

littlerice vice's avatar

"HERETOFORE, IPSO FACTO and NINCOMPOOPERY also too"

Nicholas Harpole's avatar

My favorite is “PLEASE GOVERN YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY”, most commonly used by first year sole practitioners.

Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

Shame is off the table...look who their client is, and irony is beyond their intellectual limitations.