Trump Lawyers Spend Weekend Whining, Losing

The time to bond out, pay up or shut up is nigh

Tick tock, muthafucka! 

That’s the sound of Letitia James’s high heels a-tippity-tappin’ down the hall with a giant wheelbarrow to collect the seven, eight, and now nine-figure verdicts against a certain rapist fraudster. 

The weekend didn’t go great for Trump’s lawyers, so how long until 45 has to actually pay his tab for all that rapin’, defamin’ and fraudin’, and when can the NYAG seize 40 Wall Street and rename it the Letitia James Center for Goosing Trump in the Gooch? 

First, let’s check in with the NYAG Lying Liar Pants on Fire Financial Fraud case against Trump, his companies, a couple of his executives, and his two least-attractive children.

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Team Trump just filed notice of an appeal Monday morning, after last Friday the 23rd Engoron entered the final judgment for $355 million-penalty-disgorgement-plus-interest at a rate of $112,000 per day civil fraud trial (which came to $454,156,783.05 as of Friday). Trump now has 30 days, aka until March 25, to either fork over the cash to the NYAG or convince a company to post a bond on his behalf. 

A bond would let Trump not have to put up the full amount, and prevent the NYAG from snatching the bag until Trump’s appeals are finished, but first he’d have to find a company willing to take on the risk of securing it for him. He was unwilling or unable to do that for his relatively piddly seven-figure $5.5 million penalty in the first E. Jean case last year, though, putting up 110% of his own cash instead. 

And, what company would take on that kind of risk? Should he become president again, would the bond company be able to collect before its CEO got thrown in GITMO? Unlikely! 

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So if the clock strikes March 25, though, and Trump has no bond, and no cash, then yes indeedy, James and company can ask a judge to let them start seizing his assets and selling them off like OJ’s Heisman trophy. 

Friday’s judgment being entered came after a week of his attorney Clifford S. Robert hilariously flipping his shit and desperately trying to “negotiate” that Engoron not enter the order, which, being an order, is not a negotiable sort of thing. Engoron, clearly so over Team Trump’s crap at this point, filed the email from Robert on his docket, with Robert huffing and puffing that the Judge was just so rude to not let the defense demand its own timeline, and whine about how ugh, unfair everything is.  The order

“fails to provide any notice whatsoever, thereby depriving Defendants of the opportunity to be heard before judgment is entered… Defendants therefore request that the Court set a return date for the Proposed Judgment that affords Defendants sufficient time to submit a proposed counter-judgment.” 

LOL! NOT HOW IT WORKS! DENIED!

Oh, and guess what’s also happening March 25? Why, it’s his other NY case, aka “The Criminal One” or “The Stormy Daniels Special.” Can’t wait!

Anyway, in his spare time between hawking plastic sneakers, winning the primary in South Carolina and crowing to CPAC that Black people love him because they’re persecuted too, defendant Trump also had some time around midnight Saturday to shart out some very hinged Truths on his platform about all this: 

Wow! The Mark Levin Show just showed how Unconstitutional and unfair the NYSAG CASE against me is. A TOTAL HOAX — ELECTION INTERFERENCE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL! Next showing, 3:00 A.M. Eastern, on FoxNews!

The Very Strict Rules and Regulations of the Department of Injustice STATE CLEARLY that you can’t prosecute a Political Opponent, or anyone, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS/HER CAMPAIGN. Why didn’t they bring these FAKE Charges THREE YEARS AGO? That would have solved all of their problems. (The answer is that they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President, 2024!). This includes DOJ subservient “subsidiaries” like local D.A. & A.G. Offices. In other words, all of these FAKE POLITICAL PROSECUTIONS (PERSECUTIONS!) OF CROOKED JOE BIDEN’S POLITICAL OPPONENT MUST BE IMMEDIATELY HALTED!

Grandpa got in the Adderall again!

Also on Friday, 25 days after the Carroll verdict was entered, New Jersey parking lot lawyer Alina Habba filed a typo-laden appeal for a stay in the execution of the $83.3 million E. Jean judgment, whining that it’s just too much money, and Trump should only have to put up a fraction of it, because he’s going to totally win that appeal.

Judge Kaplan didn’t even wait until Monday morning to shoot that one down, sniffing, "The Court declines to grant any stay, much less an unsecured stay, without first having afforded plaintiff a meaningful opportunity to be heard.” Kaplan set a Thursday deadline for Carroll's response and a March 2 deadline for defendant Trump's reply, which is five days before Trump’s got to bond up, or cash out, for that one. 

So does Trump actually have those kinds of clams on hand? Who knows! Alina Habba says yes, so that means probably no, since she’s more pretty than smart. A couple of Scientologists have started a GoFundMe for him, but it’s only up to $1.2 million so far. Maybe Trump can install Lara Trump as the GOP chair and raid what’s left of their treasury, but even the GOP doesn’t seem to have that kind of cheddar any more. Nevertheless, Alina Habba told Fox News that Trump is “prepared” to post bond. And we just can’t wait to see how!

Time to dig in the couch cushions!