Trump-Linked Oil Company Will Drill Baby Drill, So Greenland Can Lay Back And Enjoy It
Don't get in the mud with pigs, Greenland.
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: A rapacious American oil company might be preparing to exploit a nation’s natural resources without permission. Also, Dr. Phil is involved for some reason. Ha ha, probably didn’t see that second part coming, did you?
To be fair, Dr. Phil, a genial idiot who has become a Donald Trump supporter, plays only a small and tangential role here. The main villain is Greenland Energy, an oil exploration company that has only existed since 2025 and which has some ties to Trump. We’re guessing here, but the company was probably formed during one of those periods when President Syphilis was wagging his nubbin of a dick in the direction of Greenland while thumping his chest and hooting that he is either going to buy the island territory or outright steal it from Denmark.
Greenland Energy is currently in the process of landing drilling equipment in a remote part of Greenland to sink an exploratory well without having gotten all the signoffs it needs from the island’s leaders. The area is known as Jameson Land — or Nunap Qeqqa, as indigenous Greenlanders call it — and it is a wetlands conservation area protected by the Ramsar convention, which Denmark entered in 1978.
Nonetheless, the Greenlandic government is considering granting permission to a UK company called 80 Mile, which holds exploration rights in Jameson Land. Greenland Energy is funding some exploratory drilling in exchange for a “majority stake in the project.” Hey, you make a deal with the devil, you dance with them that brung ya.
Greenland Energy thinks there might be $1 trillion worth of oil buried under Jameson Land. And they are very excited, rubbing their hands together like Mr. Burns on meth in anticipation of getting their mitts on it:
After a company representative falsely claimed at a Jameson Land community meeting in June that it had permission to land drilling equipment, Swets said: “Our enthusiasm for the project led us to communicate in a way that created confusion.”
But the next month, local people in the sparsely populated region noticed a tug pulling a barge shorewards and unloading a dozen containers.
This led Greenland’s government to issue a “strong warning” against the company, saying that their mineral resources authority has to approve any equipment coming in. Still, Greenland authorities announced “it would not be proportionate” to demand Greenland Energy remove all the equipment it already sent ashore while the island processes its drilling application. It seems the authorities are scared of what Trump might do:
They could grant permission for oil drilling, even though the planned wells appear to fall within a conservation area protected by the Ramsar convention on wetlands. Or they could refuse and, some worry, give Trump a pretext to advance his imperialist agenda.
Either Greenland Energy was trying to get a jump on positioning equipment before it gets the approvals it is sure are coming its way, or they figure they can start drilling and ask for forgiveness later instead of permission now.
In fact, the company is so confident that it has enlisted Dr. Phil and his media company, Envoy Media, to make a docuseries about the project. The press release calls it “an Arctic adventure series [that] will capture the mission of these modern-day wildcatters.” How thrilling, more footage of guys in hard hats plundering nature.
If we were advising the Greenland government — and why is everyone in Greenland’s government not already reading Wonkette? — we would advise it to put its foot down now. As many people have figured out, there is no appeasing Trump or his MAGA chuds. You give them one concession, and they will come right back to demand more. Ask Colombia University, or Yale, or Canada, or Mexico, or 500 other entities that have tried to accommodate the administration.
And sure enough, two days after Greenland’s statement, Trump posted this graphic on TruthSocial:
Remember when Denmark rushed troops to Greenland to deter Trump from invading during one of his more manic moments? We honestly would consider that level of response here. Sure, you can argue Trump is just trolling on his vanity social media site. But experience tells us that if there is no outcry now, he’ll do something more provocative, and then something even more provocative, until you yell at him and he goes full TACO. (Trump Always Chickens Out, for those of you not up on the latest hep lingo.)
Could Greenland revoke 80 Mile’s exploration rights somehow? We have no idea. But if it’s possible, we recommend it. Yes, Greenland Energy’s chair, Larry Swets, is apparently close enough to Trump’s inner circle that he can get the president’s attention. And yes, he might complain to Trump, who might raise a stink about it. But again, TACO.
By the way, Swets has said the Jameson Land project is “not related to American annexation.” Whew, glad he cleared that up. But the phrasing makes us think annexing Greenland is still being tossed around in Trump’s circles, even if it has gone on the back burner for the moment. You never know, however, when Grandpa’s demented mind is going to bring him back around to this or that obsession.
[The Guardian / TPM]
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1. "Greenland Energy" makes sure there are American employees in the crew when they drill illegally.
2. Greenlandic authorities arrest the drilling crew.
3. USA invades to "safeguard American lives," a la Reagan going into Grenada.
4. USA refuses to leave after occupying the country.
Ta, Gary. I was reading only yesterday about what Texaco (locally called Toxico) did in Ecuador. The water, soil, and air are all poisoned. Of course, the drilling was all on or adjacent to indigenous lands, where people lived in poverty *before* their land was destroyed. There are so many people with cancer, including children, that my heart breaks. The sooner the entire world weans itself off fossil fuels, the better.