Trump Speech: Iran War Is Not A War, Over Also Not, So Why Don't You Love Me Any More, America?
Same as he ever was!
Did anyone watch Donald John Trump’s speech last night? LOL, LMAO.
Did you know a recipe for grout cleaner is to make a paste with 2 parts baking soda to 1 part peroxide, plus 1 teaspoon dish soap per 3/4 cup? Then you spread the paste on grout in sections, let it marinate for a couple of minutes, scrub it with your ex-husband’s Sonicare, then wipe and mop when finished. Fresh as a daisy!
Oh, right, the speech from old humper of many and lover to none. He got up on his platform to try and sell anyone who would watch on “Operation There’s No Epstein Files In Iran (Or Are There?)”
Bless you, Associated Press, for providing a transcript. Did you know the AP is a nonprofit? They are mostly sustained by news outlets’ wire subscriptions. The death of the pulp-based newspaper business over the past decades and then the rise of AI has wounded them terribly, but the staff remaining are still grinding away! Are we procrastinating reading Trump’s moanings? You betcha!
First, launch of Artemis II is big news because (even though there’s an average of one rocket launch a day these days) that rocket’s going to go real real far, all the way around the MOON, presumably so US astronauts can moon any Russian or Chinese ones working on the nuclear reactor they are building there.
One thing about Trump, he IS good at explaining things simply. He entirely invents facts, but you never come away from an encounter not knowing how he expects a person to feel about a thing. The white man’s Maya Angelou.
Rocket, good, everybody like. But now his Iran war-operation is plummeting his approval ratings like torn-up Sharpie notes circling the waste-hole of a Trump 1.0 White House commode (33 percent!). Everybody should be all for the war, though, he said, because Iran is the world’s “number one state sponsor of terror.” Which, of course is, not true, not even before Pete Hegseth bombed a girl’s elementary school killing 168, Latin American fishing boats, hundreds in residential buildings in Yemen, etc.
But the US has accused the Iranian government of sending about $100-$700 million dollars worth of Rials a year to Palestinian proxy groups like Hamas and Hezbollah that target Zionist Christians and Jews, with the evidence on a “just trust Mike Pompeo, bro” basis. Reliable numbers have gotten even harder to come by too since most criminal organizations, ahem, have increasingly moved towards using crypto.
And hey, remember how one of Trump 2.0’s first acts was to delete USAID, the government do-gooder agency that was actually a front for cracking down on money laundering and keeping tabs on dictators worldwide? Quickly followed by getting rid of any kind of oversight of crypto, pardoning crypto bros and money laundering scammers ... ?
Where were we?
Only to the first sentence of the second paragraph! The second paragraph:
“In these past four weeks, our armed forces have delivered swift, decisive, overwhelming victories on the battlefield. Victories like few people have ever seen before. Tonight, Iran’s navy is gone. Their air force is in ruins. Their leaders, most of them, terrorist regime they led, are now dead. Their command and control of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps is being decimated as we speak. Their ability to launch missiles and drones is dramatically curtailed. And their weapons, factories and rocket launchers are being blown to pieces. Very few of them left.”
Hokay. So the Iranian air force still exists, still has weapons and at least one munitions factory (not to mention, we assume, whatever Russia, China, North Korea etc. wants to send them) and Iran is still able to launch missiles and drones. That does not sound very winning!
This is like helping a kid with their homework diagramming paragraphs and they’re like but I don’t waaaant to upside down in the chair with a pencil eraser up a nostril, and the kid is us.
“Our enemies are losing and America, as it has been for five years under my presidency, is winning, and now winning bigger than ever before.”
Look, we’re tired too, kid, but we’re almost done, and then we’ll have a treat!
“Before discussing this current situation, I also want to thank our troops for the masterful job they did in taking the country of Venezuela in a matter of minutes.”
Laughs in E. Jean Carroll.
“We’re now totally independent of the Middle East, and yet we are there to help. We don’t have to be there. We don’t need their oil. We don’t need anything they have. But we’re there to help our allies.”
We are? Then why DOES THE GAS COST … NM.
“Tonight, I want to provide an update on the tremendous progress our warriors have made in Iran and discuss why Operation Epic Fury is necessary for the safety of America and the security of the free world. From the very first day I announced my campaign for president in 2015, I vowed that I would never allow Iran to have a nuclear weapon. This fanatical regime has been chanting, ‘Death to America, death to Israel’ for 47 years. Their proxies were behind the murder of 241 Americans in the Marine barracks bombing in Beirut, the slaughter of hundreds of our service members with roadside bombs. They were involved in the attack on the USS Cole, and they carried out countless other heinous acts, including the blood — just horrible, bloody atrocities of October 7 in Israel, something that most people never seen anything like it. This murderous regime also recently killed 45,000 of their own people who were protesting in Iran, 45,000 dead. For these terrorists to have nuclear weapons would be an intolerable threat. The most violent and thuggish regime on earth would be free to carry out their campaigns of terror, coercion, conquest and mass murder from behind a nuclear shield.”
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
“This situation has been going on for 47 years, and should have been handled long before I arrived in office.”
It WAS, you intolerable gint! By the treaty Barack Hussein Obama made that Trump tore up in 2018, probably because he’d promised Lindsey Graham, John Bolton, the Heritage Foundation, the war-industrial complex et al. that they’d be able to go in, get crunk, turnt and skeet skeet skeet like a saltshaker from the windows to the walls, until the sweat dripped down their … is middle age too late to start taking Ritalin?
“I did many things during my two terms in office to stop the quest for nuclear weapons by Iran. First, and perhaps most importantly, I killed General Qassem Soleimani. In my first term. He was an evil genius, brilliant person, a horrible human being, however, the father of the roadside bomb.”
Was he also the founder of ANTIFA?
“And then, very importantly, I terminated Barack Hussein Obama’s Iran nuclear deal, a disaster. Obama gave them $1.7 billion in cash. Green, green cash — took it out of banks from Virginia, DC, and Maryland. All the cash they had. Flew it by airplanes in an attempt to buy their respect and loyalty, but it didn’t work. They laughed at our president and went on with their mission to have a nuclear bomb.”
Bet you our last donut this was the exact plot of an AI video Stephen Miller forwarded him to watch during Executive Time.
“Essentially, I did what no other president was willing to do. They made mistakes and I am correcting them.”
More projection than a 1975 stag party.
“My first preference was always the path of diplomacy, yet the regime continued their relentless quest for nuclear weapons and rejected every attempt at an agreement.”
More imagination than the Beatles on Lucy Dee drinking lean on a yellow submarine. Bet you our last Ho Ho too Stephen Miller’s little chud lackeys are microdosing and psycho-nauting in between their Muscle Milks to BRAINMAXX.
“For this reason, in June, I ordered a strike on Iran’s key nuclear facilities in Operation Midnight Hammer. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. Those beautiful B-2 bombers performed magnificently. We totally obliterated those nuclear sites. The regime then sought to rebuild their nuclear program at a totally different location, making clear they had no intention of abandoning their pursuit of nuclear weapons.”
Maybe this is what advanced syphilis sounds like! Some people actually enjoy it, we hear. The spirochetes drill holes in soft tissues like a corkscrew, and sometimes in a brain at just the right spot, making the victim euphoric and creative, at least until it gets into their bones and paralyses and kills them. Then it leaves designs on their bones that are nearly as pretty as the swirls of rickets.
Anyway Trump also repeated the lie that every single one of the family members of the 13 US servicemembers killed for far in Iran told him: “‘Please, sir, please finish the job,’ every one of them, and we are going to finish the job and we’re going to finish it very fast.”
Charles Simmons, the father of Tech. Sgt. Tyler H. Simmons, quite plainly told reporters that though he did speak briefly to Trump and Hegseth in the process of receiving his son’s remains at Dover, he never said that; in fact, while they both were warm towards him, no conversation of that nature ever happened at all. Nor could anyone confirm that Trump or Hegseth said such a thing or was told that by any family member.
But you-all already know how much respect Trump has for the suckerloser military war dead / the truth.
What else? The Gas prices which were Biden’s fault are now Iran’s, but they will go down again real soon. Sure, Jan.
“Tonight, every American can look forward to a day when we are finally free from the wickedness of Iranian aggression. [...] We are on the cusp of ending Iran’s sinister threat to America and the world. And I’ll tell you, the world is watching.”
In conclusion, are we done yet? No! The war-that-is-not-a-war is still not over, though it is. We are done when you can you explain to us if this is a war, and what Trump’s objective is for it.
You can’t? You are correct and may have a treat now!
Extra music!
Yay!
[Associated Press / Nuclear Newswire / Overland]
Did you know? The Wonkette Spotify playlist on shuffle doubles as a tarot deck!
Cultivate semi-parasocial relationships with the whole gang!
Funny. Trump is 2 parts baking soda, 1 part peroxide and all parts evil. Good for nothing.
OT: Let me tell you...advocating for inmates is a bit of a challenge sometimes. I just got an email from a woman I've been talking to for many months who just got sent to The Hole (segregated wing for people who commit violations where there are lots of restrictions, such as no phone calls and no commissary orders and no visitors) which said:
"I'm requesting a phone call down here in the hole to call you. I did something that could get me life without parole or even death sentence. but I need to talk to you where its not recorded unless given reason to. I'm in a lot of trouble and I need your advice. the type of phone used down here is different."
OK. That's heavy, but she gives me no details of course since emails are monitored. She also has serious, long-term mental health issues (schizophrenia diagnosis but she's supposedly on medication) so I have questions. They can't give her life or a death sentence without a new trial, that's for sure, and she would then be assigned a public defender. I'm not a lawyer, I can't give her legal advice. And there is no way that the phone call won't be recorded.
I'm not quite sure how to respond to her email appropriately, but I suppose I'll figure something out.