Trump Tore Up Obama Deal And Bombed Iran So He Could Make Same Goddamn Deal
President Deals strikes again.
Thursday started with a lot of chest-beating and rah-rah “America, Fuck Yeah!” jingoism over the United States bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities. It ended with reporters revealing that America is offering Iran the same concessions it offered under Barack Obama in 2015 in exchange for Iran stopping its uranium enrichment, the same concessions that Donald Trump in all his genius has spent the last decade complaining about/ripping to shreds.
Does that mean this week’s bombing was a waste of time and money and energy and lives in service of Trump getting to feel like he one-upped a Black man? Yes, that is exactly what it means.
Thursday started with our drunk meatloaf of a Defense Secretary, Whiskey Pete Hegseth, whining at the Pentagon press corps like the world’s most annoying teacher’s pet because it was committing the crime of gathering facts and reporting them to the public instead of joining him in verbal fellatio of Donald Trump. We get it, man, the press should be waving tiny American flags and singing the national anthem instead of asking you super-hard questions like “Were these strikes successful” and “How does such a fucking lickspittle like you live with yourself, is it thanks to the constant boozing numbing the gaping abyss of insecurity that lurks in your soul?”
We’re paraphrasing, a little.
LIKE THIS!
Then in the afternoon, it was Nazi succubus Karoline Leavitt’s turn to berate everyone while performing for the emperor at her daily press briefing:
“The contrast in leadership could not be more clear. Barack Obama and Joe Biden sent pallets of cash to buy the Iranian regime’s compliance with a weak and ineffective deal. President Trump sent a fleet of American warplanes to destroy Iran’s ability to produce a nuclear weapon.”
Leavitt’s comment about a “weak and ineffective deal” was an unsubtle nod to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) signed during the Obama administration to limit Iran’s nuclear capabilities. Part of that deal involved allowing Iran access to billions of dollars in assets in overseas bank accounts, which the West had frozen to try and force the Iranians to the negotiating table.
Trump and the rest of his sycophants in the Republican Party spent years deriding Obama for shipping Iran “pallets of cash” (a grotesque twisting of what the deal’s provisions really allowed) to gain its compliance. He pulled the US out of the JCPOA in 2018 and has spent the years since screaming about negotiating a new deal.
Then on Thursday CNN published a story about what the US is offering Iran now, in the wake of the bombing of its facilities. And wouldn’t you know it, one offer on the table is handing the Iranians ... pallets of cash!
The Trump administration has discussed possibly helping Iran access as much as $30 billion to build a civilian-energy-producing nuclear program, easing sanctions, and freeing up billions of dollars in restricted Iranian funds – all part of an intensifying attempt to bring Tehran back to the negotiating table, four sources familiar with the matter said.
So the same stuff we put in place with Iran in 2015, only 10 years later, and after five rounds of talks between Iran and the Trump administration to try and craft a new JCPOA? Got it.
Another offer being allegedly discussed is trying to get Arab nations to float Iran $20 to $30 billion to build a “non-enrichment nuclear program that would be used for “civilian energy purposes.” Oh, you mean like the provision of the JCPOA that limited Iran to enriching uranium to only 3.67 percent for civilian energy purposes, but not for weapons? That provision that was by all accounts working?
REMEMBER WHEN!
Apparently the Trump administration has been insisting on zero uranium enrichment, because 3.67 percent, which is nowhere near weapons-grade, was too much. And also, again, negotiated by a Black guy.
Meanwhile, no one still knows what happened to Iran’s stockpile of enriched uranium, which the US is insisting it wasn’t aiming for anyway. The thing is, there wouldn’t have even been a stockpile of enriched uranium if Trump hadn’t pulled out of the JCPOA, because 99 percent of Iran’s uranium enrichment came after that happy event occurred:
And all of this is assuming that these once-secret negotiations with the Iranians won’t blow up over the latest strikes anyway. Because no matter what CNN is reporting, the Iranians are publicly talking about how much harder they are going to make it for the West to monitor their compliance.
On Thursday, Iran’s Guardian Council, which has veto power over legislation in the country, approved a bill passed by hard-liners in Parliament that would effectively ban all cooperation with the I.A.E.A. in retaliation for the bombing by the United States of the Fordo, Natanz and Isfahan nuclear facilities over the weekend.
Iran also said, contra what the Trump administration has been saying, it has no interest in resuming talks with the United States right now. And since there is such a huge debate about just how effective these strikes were, Iran can probably delay and obfuscate just how far back the US may have set its nuclear program for quite a while. Which very much negates the point of having bombed them to force a deal in the first place.
Basically, no one knows what’s going on, and the situation seems to be just as confused, if not more so, than it was a week ago. The Aristocrats!
[CNN / New York Times]
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If Man God Large Hands gets Iran to agree to the same deal Obama made, Obama should get the Nobel Peace Prize (again).
"Nazi succubus Karoline Leavitt"
That's unfair. Succubi are at least fun to be around, for a little bit.