Trump Trial Day 13: OH S**T, It’s Stormy Daniels!

Spanking, raw-dogging, a parking-lot creeper ... Tuesday had it ALL.

We were NOT expecting Stormy Tuesday, and neither was Daryl Dongerson VonShitzInPants. And we were NOT prepared for how lurid it got, and neither are you! It got so filthy that Todd Blanche was shrieking “mistrial”!

Trump was livid when he found out, stress-tooting at 7:30 a.m.,

“I have just been told who the witness is today. This is unprecedented, no time for lawyers to prepare. No Judge has ever run a trial in such a biased and partisan way … threatening me with JAIL, & THEY HAVE NO CASE…”

Well, surprise, beeyotch! That’s what you get for leaking David Pecker’s name and getting him swatted!

With Eric Trump, Boris Epshteyn, and Alina Habba in the peanut gallery once again, Trump lawyer Susan Necheles teed off, demanding that Judge Juan Merchan not let Stormy dish dirty details about her client’s toad-from-Mario Kart dick, the raw-dogging, yeti pubes, his shark phobia, and/or craving to be spanked with a rolled-up magazine like the dirty, naughty boy he is. 

“We are informed that Stormy Daniels is the second witness today, we oppose any details of sexual acts!” 

JUDGE MERCHAN: Other than just, “We had sex”?

PROSECUTOR SUSAN HOFFINGER: Your Honor, only limited details as to Karen McDougal, not Stormy Daniels. The details are important, the sex act. Only certain details are unnecessary. We'll get into the conversation they had in the hotel and how the sexual act came about, how she felt about it. We will not get into genitalia.

TRUMP LAWYER SUSAN NECHELES: There is no need for this. This is a case about books and records.

JUDGE MERCHAN: We don't need to know the details of intercourse. This woman has credibility issues, so details are important. I will allow them. 

HELL YES! And genitalia they did not get to, thank goodness, but damn, did they get to everything else.

But first up, a lady you’ve never heard of

It’s Sally Franklin, senior vice president and executive managing editor for Penguin Random House publishing, records custodian. She was there to read some excerpts from Donald Trump’s nonfiction works, Trump: How to Get Rich and Trump: Think Like a Billionaire, wherein he crows about his vengeful, micromanaging, penny-pinching and nonstop horny ways, and keeping money men Jeff McConney and Allen Weisselberg on a tight leash. Have some words from the horse’s mouth about how it’s impossible that those hinky-hanky-panky payments were from a bookkeeper or lawyer going rogue.

From Trump: How to Get Rich, chapter title: "Sometimes you still have to screw them": 

“For many years I’ve said if someone screws you, screw them back … Like it says in the Bible, an eye for an eye. When somebody hurts you, just go after them as viciously and as violently as you can.

"All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected. A sexual dynamic is always present between people, unless you are asexual.” 

Really, even at the DMV? He’s just catnip to women.

From a chapter called "How to Pinch Pennies”: 

"I received a check for 50 cents and we at the Trump Organization deposited it. They may call that cheap. I called it watching the bottom line … I always sign my checks so I know where my money’s going … in the same spirit, I also always try to read my bills to make sure I’m not being over-charged."

Monday on the stand Jeff McConney told a story about how Trump once pretended to fire him for doing his job paying the company’s bills, instead of coming up with excuses to creditors not to pay Trump’s bills. Trump recounted the same story in a chapter of his book titled “How to Stay on Top of Your Finances”: 

"I told him I didn’t want excuses and I thought he was doing a lousy job managing my cash. Always question invoices and never accept a contractor's first bid. Negotiate, negotiate or get out … I told him, ‘You're fired.’ I meant, ‘question every payment.’ Jeff got the message and has been with me for seventeen years and is doing a terrific job. [...] God is in the details. Sign your own checks. People see it and they screw you less.”

Irony!

Now HOLD ON TO YOUR BALLS, it’s... STORMY DANIELS!! 

The courtroom lights were dimmed, disco balls dropped from the ceiling, and Stormy swirled into the witness box from a stripper pole. 

Actually, sadly, not. After one smile she was serious, in casual black with glasses, and nervously talked so fast she had to be told at least four times to slow down. And who can blame her, she’s been living in an undisclosed location, has been enduring nonstop harassment from Trumpistan terrorist proxies over the past eight years, and that’s all only about to get worse again.

She recounted her rise from poverty to doyenne of porn. “My mother was very neglectful, she would disappear for days at a time.” She became a nude model, was “Miss Nude America,” then adult film headliner, eventually starring in, writing, and directing more than 150 adult films, winning awards, making cameos in mainstream movies, and having a podcast, "Beyond the Norm,” about “female serial killers, UFO, porn, politics.” All-American.

Onto meeting Mister Trump, June 2006, when she was 27, he 60 (and a newlywed of 18 months, with a three-month old at home, BTW) at a Lake Tahoe golf course. The company she directed nudie flicks for, Wicked Pictures, had sponsored a hole. “Yes, I’m aware that’s funny,” she said. No one laughed.

She said she knew Trump as “a golfer” with “a reality show” that she’d never seen, and from his cameos on wrestling, and noted he was “old or older than my father.” OOF. The jury sees their picture together, you know the one.

Too shy to talk to her himself, Trump had his bodyguard Keith Schiller ask her if she’d like to have dinner with him, and she said “fuck no,” which a couple of jurors chuckled at.

But she gave Schiller her number, and her media guy encouraged her to go. “He's a business guy. What could possibly go wrong?” 

Schiller told her to meet at Trump’s hotel, Harrah’s, and there were “a lot of restaurants in the area” for dinner. But when she got there, Trump answered the door in silk pajamas, like the nonstop-thirsty skank he is.

She mocked him immediately: “Does Mr. Hefner know you stole his pajamas?" She told him to change, and he did, while she marveled at his room that was “three times the size of my apartment.”

Once dressed, Trump had a lot of questions about her bizniz: How did she get involved in adult films? Are there unions? Do you get residuals? Do you get health insurance? Do you get tested for STDs? Is there a doctor on staff?

Yes, she got tested, she told him, and it was mandatory to always use condoms, even with her own husband.

In the courtroom, Trump is OOOO MAD at all this, shaking his head.

Stormy asked him about wrestling and Trump said he knew Vince McMahon. Because he knows all the creeps. YIKES, here comes THE cheating and porn-peening that ALL this fuss was about. BUCKLE UP!

PROSECUTOR: Did you ask about Melania?

DANIELS: I did. He said, Don't worry, we don't even sleep in the same room.

Trump shook his head and muttered “bullshit” at this.

DANIELS: He kept cutting me off. He'd ask a question then not let me finish. He pulled out a magazine. At this point I wanted to eat dinner, and said “are you always this rude? You don’t know how to have a conversation.” I had pretty much had enough of his arrogance and cutting me off and still not getting my dinner.

I said, “Someone should spank you with that.” He rolled up the magazine and gave me a look, so I took it from him and said “turn around” and I swatted him right on the butt. And after that, he acted much better. […] He said I should be in “The Apprentice.” […] He said “you remind me of my daughter, smart and beautiful, and people underestimate her as well.” To me it made sense.

BLERK BLARK BLORK what normal person wants to have sex with someone who reminds them of their child? YES WE KNOW, LEAVE IT OUT OF THE COMMENTS PLEASE, IT’S TOO GROSS, YOU KNOW THE RULES.

In transcripts, but inaudible to the jury, Merchan dragged Blanche’s ass up and told him to make his client STFU.

“I understand that your client is upset at this point, but he is cursing audibly, and he is shaking his head visually and that's contemptuous. It has the potential to intimidate the witness and the jury can see that. I am speaking to you here at the bench because I don't want to embarrass him."

BLANCHE: I will talk to him.

THE COURT: You need to speak to him. I won’t tolerate that.

BLANCHE: I will talk to him.

THE COURT: One time I noticed when Ms. Daniels was testifying about rolling up the magazine, and presumably smacking your client, after that point he shook his head and he looked down.

Back to the stand.

PROSECUTOR: What did he say about “The Apprentice”?

DANIELS: He said, “don’t worry, it’s scripted,” that he could tell me the challenge, he couldn't let me win but at least not lose right at the beginning. [...] I wanted to direct some non-adult films, they have big budgets and better catering.

YOU MEAN HIS GAMESHOW WAS RIGGED? Not one thing about the man isn’t a fraud, from his shoe lifts to the tip of his hair weave.

Bored of his shitty company, Stormy tried to call a friend to come over, but the friend didn’t show.

WARNING, CREEPY JUMP SCARE AHEAD.

PROSECUTOR: Did you need to use the restroom?

DANIELS: I was instructed by Mr. Trump to go through the bedroom to the facilities. There was a leather looking toiletry bag on the counter.

PROSECUTOR: What was in it?

DANIELS: I looked — Old Spice. Gold tweezers. When I came out, Mr. Trump was on the bed in his boxer shorts. I was startled. I felt like the room spun in slow motion, like if you stand up too fast. I thought, “Oh my God, what did I misread to get here.” He was posing on the bed. He stood up — not in a threatening manner — he said, If you ever want to get out of that trailer park ...

[Objection, sustained] 

PROSECUTOR: What next?

DANIELS: I felt drugged.

PROSECUTOR: You were not drugged, right?

DANIELS: There was a power imbalance.

PROSECUTOR: Did you have sex with him on the bed?

DANIELS: Missionary —

DEFENSE: Objection!

JUDGE MERCHAN: Sustained.

DANIELS: I was staring at the ceiling wishing I was somewhere else.

Surely the jury can identify.

PROSECUTOR:  Was he wearing a condom?

DANIELS: No … He said, That was great, we should get together again soon, honey bunch.

HONEY BUNCH!

She said the sex was “brief,” and that she was “concerned” about the barebacking, and she left as fast as she could, her hands shaking while she put on her shoes.

PROSECUTOR: What did you say?

DANIELS: Nothing. He didn't even give me his cell phone number.

PROSECUTOR: Did he express concern about his wife finding out?

DANIELS: No.

PROSECUTOR: Did you tell people?

DANIELS: Very few. I am ashamed I hadn't stopped it. I didn't want people I was dating to find out.

Stormy said she met Trump again at a nightclub where he was hanging out with accused raper Ben Roethlisberger (a football player who was sued for raping a woman in 2008 at that very same Lake Tahoe Harrah’s, and also investigated in Georgia for raping a college student, small rapey world AGAIN) and again when he invited her to the launch of Trump Vodka, with Karen McDougal also in attendance. She kept taking his calls, he was ringing about once a week, because she wanted to be on “The Apprentice.” She got as far as Trump Tower, where he introduced her to Rhona Graff. He invited her to canoodle at his El Lay bunga-bunga bungalow.

“By then my publicist was my boyfriend. He drove me and waited outside. […] Mr. Trump was watching TV, a documentary about sharks. He kept making sexual advances, putting his hand on my leg, scooting closer. I told him I was on my period. There was no progress on getting on ‘The Apprentice.’ I stopped answering his calls.” The last time they spoke, she said, “he told me Jenna Jameson would be on.”

So ended their non-romantic non-relationship brief affair, and Stormy went on to have a daughter, move to Texas, and become a happy equestrienne. All was swell, until her story somehow appeared on TheDirty dot com, infuriating Michael Cohen, and she was contacted by InTouch magazine (owned by AMI), wanting to pay $15,000 for an interview. Which she gave, but the story never ran, how weird! 

Then, in June 2011 she was approached in the mall parking lot while she was leaving a “Mommy and Me” class with her infant daughter, by a man who threatened her “not to continue to tell my story.” She didn’t tell police, or her partner, and contacted lawyer Keith Davidson to have TheDirty dot com blog post taken down, which it was. Then in October of 2016, after the “Access Hollywood” tape dropped, her manager Gina Rodriguez told her Cohen and Trump wanted to buy rights to her story.

"Which was the best thing that could've happened,” she said, “because then I'd be safe, and the story wouldn't come out.” They offered her $130,000 and she took that, because she “didn’t care about the amount,” she was more worried about the threat, and wanted to get it done quickly because she was worried if she didn’t, “I wouldn’t be safe or that he wouldn’t pay and there would be a trail to keep me safe.” She signed the Keith Davidson nondisclosure agreement with her legal name, Stephanie Clifford, and the “Peggy Peterson” side agreement, and confirmed that Trump was the beneficiary of the NDA. And the agreement included a handwritten list of nine names of people Daniels told about the encounter with Trump, in what Stormy confirmed was her handwriting. 

Break for lunch!

Todd Blanche is MAD MAD MAD, WANT MISTRIAL, too much detail!  “It was prejudicial, and differs from the story she was peddling before. There was testimony about no condom, the spacing in the room, the power dynamic! […] There was testimony about a second sexual advance, totally irrelevant to this case.… What is the jury to do with that? There was an objection sustained but it’s still prejudicial!” 

Judge Merchan agreed some of it got TMI, but denied, because why didn’t the defense say something at the time? That’s on you, homeslices. “If you want, I will give a limiting instruction as to the 2011 parking lot incident,” said Merchand. “Be back to me Thursday morning.”

"THE PROSECUTION, WHICH HAS NO CASE, HAS GONE TOO FAR. MISTRIAL!" Punched out Trump on his failing site.

"Pure EXTORTION!!!!" Eric raged on Twitter.

Then it’s Stormy back on the stand. 

She’d signed, she was hushed, and all was fine, nobody knew who she was, until the Wall Street Journal outed her in that payoff story, and then Trump and Cohen started blabbing about her themselves.

She was ostracized from “friend groups” and “horse groups,” and decided she needed to fire Keith Davidson and get out of the NDA to be able to defend herself, since Trump was braying his “never met horseface” lies all over town, and here came opportunistic celebulawyer wannabe Michael Avenatti. In fall of 2018 they sued Trump and Cohen to get out of the NDA, and Trump/Cohen agreed. 

Uh oh, now here comes Susan Necheles.

Did you notice today was ladies’ day? Necheles is actually a criminal defense lawyer and went to Yale Law, as opposed to a certain parking-lot lawyer from Widener. Necheles defended Trump Org in the tax case, and also a mobster named “Benny Eggs.”

And she is here to bring the eye-gouging talons of rage, the old why, you money-grubbing lying hater of a tramp!!

She asked Daniels if she hates Trump, and Daniels said “yes.”

GIRL SAME.

Necheles asked if Stormy wants Trump to go to jail, Stormy said she wanted "him to be held accountable" and "if he is found guilty, absolutely."

FUCK YES.

"You’ve been making money by claiming to have had sex with President Trump for more than a decade," huffed Necheles, the you prostitution whore of a tramp implied. “It's also cost me a lot of money,” Daniels says. Well, clucked Necheles, isn’t it true you owe Trump more than $660,000 in legal fees?

“There are three court orders ordering you to pay President Trump. You are not going to do that, right?” Necheles asked. 

Daniels replied, “I don’t know.”

Necheles entered into evidence a tweet from Daniels in November 2022 that said, “I don’t owe him shit and I’ll never give that orange turd a dime (crying laughing emoji)."

"Isn’t it true that you are hoping that if Donald Trump is convicted, you’ll never have to pay him?" Necheles hectored. Remember when Stormy and Michael Avenatti sued Trump for defamation for calling her parking-lot-threat story a “con job”? They lost when a judge said it was a “rhetorical statement.”

"I hope I don't have to pay him no matter what happens," Daniels said.

Necheles’s attacks went on and on. Didn’t Stormy talk to Gloria Allred and not mention all the details of the sexxx? She learned that “a story about President Trump that doesn’t include sseeeexxx will make you no money, right?” 

"No,” said Stormy, “although that does seem to be the case.”

Didn’t Stormy fill out a court financial disclosure form incompletely? Didn’t she say in her book that she went to an exercise class after she got threatened by the parking-lot man, and now she’s saying she didn’t go, and was crying instead? Didn’t that man in the parking lot never exist? “Your daughter’s life was in jeopardy and you did not tell her father — but you went on Anderson Cooper and decided to tell the world?” Isn’t it true that she and Michael Cohen are now “buddies”? “Both you and Michael Cohen aspire to make money off of seeing President Trump go to jail, correct?”

Stormy stayed stoic and weathered it all. No, she just wants to tell the truth. Actually she hasn’t been getting paid for interviews. Whatever, lady.

It was exhausting. After four hours of Stormy on the stand, Merchan called it a day, but she’ll be back Thursday, at 9:30 a.m. [Rebecca here, I introduced an error into Marcie’s post, thinking that was right now and it IS NOT!]

And fuck, Aileen Cannon just postponed his Florida case “indefinitely.” Because of course she did. The courts will not save us from him.

But Stormy is doing her Goddamned best to get some kind of consequence for that filthy, lying, shittalking little turd, and her daughter should be very proud.

Will Donald John Trump manage to not talk some contemptuous shit about her until then?

We shall see!

Until next time!