315 Comments

The fatberg! Omfg forgot about that! Guess what my new nickname for the short fingered vulgarian is? Short fingered fatberg. It's making me so happy right now as I celebrate the failings of his shitty legal team.

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“Donald Trump is truly the worst, ugliest side of America. A spoiled, horny, lying, cheating, stealing, yammering leisure-suit Larry, a one-pump chump. Bitter, vindictive, complaining.”

Which is why his followers adore him. He is They, writ large. Or at least he is what They want, writ large.

“I went to what I thought was an off the record dinner and said some things I shouldn't have and I lost my job.”

I can’t be the only one to think of Harlan Ellison’s brief Disney employment.

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Oh, God, yes. I was a big fan of Ellison's column THE GLASS TEAT, back in the day. Even though I'm Australian and didn't get to read the columns until they were collected in book form. His description of his brief Disney employment and the very sudden (during the lunch hour, as I recall) removal of his office, led him to finish that column with a rueful summary of the two things he had learned.

Big business is humourless, and -

At Disney, no one fucks with The Mouse.

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Iirc, he basically laid out the plot for a porn with Donald and Mickey and Minnie, etc. his table mates left one by one. By the time he got back to his desk, it was gone, and his name had been painted over at his parking place. They work quick at Disney.

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Trump is *Lord Of The Losers*.

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It will never cease to appall me that he managed to find and tap into that many people who are even stupider and more awful than he is.

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I think it's well past time for humans to evolve into something that's less stooopitt.

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So Trump's defense is "I didn't fuck her, but I still paid her off, because reasons"?

IANAL, but it's hard to see that going anywhere.

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seems like they really fucked themselves with those opening statements - no sex no sex you are the sex. and you KNOW it was trump who insisted on saying that.

PoS

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Even Mitt Romney said you don't pay someone for not fucking you.

Of course, he said it more Mormonish.

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Now that I know Trump used the Oxford comma, I don't feel so bad about him trying to overthrow the government.

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this is my favorite comment on the interwebs in forever.

also, i am stealing the sentiment.

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I consider it his "Hitler liked dogs" moment.

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Regarding the headline, I have the skin of a seventy-something years-old man, and while I understand why people would feel that such is disgusting and I should do best to throw myself on the compost pile for shame about all the sunscreen there wasn't in the 50s, it's still holding me together ok. Nobody has to touch it.

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For the life of me I will NEVER understand the Madeleine Westerhouts and Hope Hickses of the world who sit in awe of this rotting, shambolic, malicious, cruel, incompetent, racist, xenophobic, sexist, ostentatiously stupid husk of a creature. Sure, maybe he was nice enough to them as young, well-manicured white girls from the upper class, but are they aware of what he’s done to everyone else? How monstrous he is? What a ridiculous figure he cuts with his voluminous suits, orange hue and absurdly hideous hair? How has he ever been taken seriously? He’s a malignant clown. It’s possible they both cried on the stand because they were forced to give testimony that might have hurt him and that puts them in the sights of his psychotic base, but who knows? Perhaps they really have drunk the kool-aid.

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Maybe they cried on the stand because they knew they had completely screwed their careers for the rest of their lives.

They hitched their wagons to the wrong star.

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That too. 😏 Maybe.

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" ...And he used exclamation points, and the Oxford comma.” surely

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My favorite Stormy quote that would make a great T-shirt: "The sex is real. That's why it's pornography."

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“He’d have me call [Melania] and say he was running late, just like any other marriage.”

Okay, LOL.

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also: Mary Trump said " honey bunch" was a pretty frequently used sobriquet in the Trump clan...

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on a scale from one to malignant narcissism, how much do we think Todd and Susie are regretting their decision to take the gig?

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Stuck working at a place with FOX Nudes on all day. ALL the coverage is pretty people blarping NO AM FAIR TO TRUMP PROSECUSHUN TRAINWRECK MEAN DISRESPEDCT KING GOD. Occasionally they change to ILLEGALZ CLIMB FENCE SNORT LOL BIDEN UNPEACH PROTESTERS WANT DEMANDZ HAHA. There's just nothing else in the whole world going on.

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I guess it's good to have a Pecker handy. That, I will tell you.

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I never leave home without one.

Well, that and a multitool.

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Can't help but feel a little bit sorry for Blanche and Necheles, otherwise good and clever trial lawyers who made the mistake of working for a guy who demands ceaseless ATTACK of every little slight.

Only a little sorry, because just like everybody else in the world by now, they knew who Trump was when they signed on. But the real mistrial is their POS client.

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If they're good and clever trial lawyers, why can't they control their client in any way? Not just courtroom demeanor. We know exactly which questions in the cross he dictated to them.

"You make sure to ask her who was the biggest celebrity in the tournament."

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Because everything Trump touches, dies? The only fucking way to shut that motherfucker up is with a gag.

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No one forced them to take the gig as far as we know. Fool me one hundred thousand times and shame on me. Yeah, he’s entitled to counsel but surely Lionel Hutz has an open schedule.

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That's why my sympathy is extremely limited. The knew what he was.

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Habba: "I’m an attorney for the president."

No, you're actually not. We all understand the honorific travels with the former office-holder, but Joe Biden is in fact the president. Call him "President Trump" all you like (because it's what he wants to hear), but he's not the president.

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Habba: "I’m an attorney for the president."

Hershel Walker: "I'm a sheriff and here's my badge! I'm also a werewolf".

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"And I am Marie of Romania".

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The one downside to all his time being spent on the trial is that he hasn't had as much time as he needs to promote his truly horrific candidates for the down-ballot races.

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He's getting rattled!

Maggie Haberman: "A curiosity that’s interesting to court-watchers in the room today: a very visible, dark spindle of hairspray running through Trump’s dyed blond hair, on the left side of his head over his ear.

From the back of the courtroom, it appears almost like a strip of black tape running through his hair."

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I’ve noticed that strip in prior photos. It’s disgusting. I swear his hair has gills.

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He's getting grooming tips from Roodles. That will surely improve his image!

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Plugs the hole where what's left of the goo in his head was leaking out.

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