Trump's D.C. Dilemmas: Your Wonkagenda: Friday, November 11, 2016

Paul Ryan shows Trump the new real estate in D.C.

Morning, Wonkers. It's Friday, so if you haven't stopped drinking yet, you'll be excused for another couple of days, though it's probably a good idea to put the bottle down this weekend and think about the 2018 elections. They'll be super important because they precede the 2020 census, and that means redistricting. In the meantime, here's some of the lame stories Yr Wonkette might make dick and fart jokes about this Armistice Day.

•  Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Ryabkov has confirmed contacts with Trump's team during the election, directly contradicting Trump's own staff.

•  Another wave of spontaneous protests, some of them violent, spread from major cities like New York, Chicago and Los Angeles, last night to Portland, Seattle, Philadelphia and Richmond, as well as Atlanta, Dallas, Omaha and Kansas City, Missouri in an effort for Americans to show their unity.

•  At the sight of the protests last night, Trump railed against them...until this morning when he tweeted that loved their passion. I'm predicting more schizophrenic stupidity this weekend.

• In the Trump University lawsuit, horrible, no-good, mean Messican Judge Gonzalo Curiel has advised Donald Trump's litigation team to settle, and told Trump's lawyers they'll have to submit specific objections to campaign statements, tweets, and interviews if they want them to be excluded as evidence when the case goes to trial. I suppose we should say "Good luck cleaning up that mess," but we'll pass.

•  Donald Trump's STILL being audited , and that's likely to continue now that his finances have gotten exponentially more complicated.

• The Never Trumpers are kind of re-thinking their decisions not to work in a Trump administration because they're worried about being unemployed due to the limited number of lobbying gigs in Washington D.C.

• Those lobbyists Trump complained about all during the campaign? The ones with the limited job opportunities? Well, maybe there will be some openings afters all, seeing as how lobbyists are being snatched up for Trump's transition team. 

• Brace yourselves:  Trump's possible cabinet positions are being filledwith exactly who you'd expect, inner-circle (white) yes-men, Bush-era neo-cons with ignorant and destructive ideologies, and Newt fucking Gingrich.

• Already confused about what exactly governance means, Senate Republicans are wondering if they can kill the filibuster now that they've held a majority and have their guy in the White House. 

•  The Russian hacking group called "Cozy Bear" by U.S. intelligence has begun attacking U.S. think tanks in a spear-phishing campaign, so when someone sends you emails about why the election was flawed, or how to see their new, sexy-time website, go interrupt I.T.'s Netflix-and-chill solo session.

•  Hotels in Washington DC have plenty of vacancies for the inauguration. In a phenomenal con, the fanciest hotels in the District are going Trump-style and offering half-a-million dollar packages that include private jets, jewelery, closets full of fancy, Chinese-made clothing, and home-cooked meals for your dog.

• In an effort to push her new book, that she wrote, that's all about her, Megyn Kelly says it's possible Trump was tipped off about debate questions. You know, just like how Donna Brazile told Hillary Clinton, except Donald Trump threatened Kelly with "unleashing his beautiful Twitter account," against her. How sweet.

• Disgraced Illinois Republican Rep. Aaron Schock has been indicted on 24 counts of criminal conduct for everything from improper mileage reimbursements and selling tickets to sportsball to money laundering. In case you forgot, Schock is the daffy bastard who turned his office into a scene from a posh early 20th century British drama, just like a true patriot.

• Remember how sportsball players stopped standing during the national anthem a few months ago? Colin Kaepernick wants you to know that he didn't vote, because "it didn't really matter who went in there." What a great role model!

• You may have heard about a KKK march to the polls on election day in North Carolina, but that was totally false. However, this KKK victory party for Donald Trump in North Carolina on December 3 is totally real.

•  Trump's looming trade war with China only serves to highlight not only his ignorance of foreign policy and current trends in international business, but it may also just act as the springboard to a future that is not at all unlike Firefly. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, America! This was a fertile land! Oh, no God!

•  China's eBay knock-off, Alibaba, is closing out its annual Singles Day, which is itself a Chinese knock-off of Valentines Day, but for single people who need retail therapy instead sexy times.

• Seeing as how global warming was created by China, the Chinese have an opportunity to actually take the global lead on climate change since they've worked with President Obama on numerous climate change initiatives. I'm still going to hold my breath (until I buy a more fashionable respirator ).

•  Elizabeth Warren went on "The Rachel Maddow Show" last night and told us all to get up and fight back because she's a nasty woman with a job to do, just like us. [ Video ]

• GOOD NEWS EVERYONE:  A number of progressive ballot initiatives passed on Tuesday, like minimum wage raises in Colorado, Arizona, Maine and Washington, while Washington and Florida voted down potentially disastrous anti-environment initiatives.

• And here's your morning Nice Time: KITTENS! Specifically, brave little kittens meeting a dog for the first time. Be brave, like the kittens!