Because the Homeland Security bureaucrats are always plotting against Americans and our precious freedoms, a lack of crazy terrorist make-believe schemes in the news does not mean air travel should suddenly be anything but a miserable nightmare. That's why the TSA policy team is constantly inventing new ways to make the journey through the airport much worse than any possible terrorist attack -- at least a terror attack kills you and ends the suffering! Our Helpful Big Brother is teaching airport screeners new ways to deal with compelling problems, such as the rash of terror attacks involving "service monkeys" and "service monkey handlers." That obese TSA employee with the sixth-grade education no longer needs to invent some on-the-fly absurd treatment of such simians and simian enablers, because it's all in the procedural manual:
TSA Personnel Will Not Touch the Monkey
TSA Personnel Will Not Touch the Monkey
TSA Personnel Will Not Touch the Monkey
Because the Homeland Security bureaucrats are always plotting against Americans and our precious freedoms, a lack of crazy terrorist make-believe schemes in the news does not mean air travel should suddenly be anything but a miserable nightmare. That's why the TSA policy team is constantly inventing new ways to make the journey through the airport much worse than any possible terrorist attack -- at least a terror attack kills you and ends the suffering! Our Helpful Big Brother is teaching airport screeners new ways to deal with compelling problems, such as the rash of terror attacks involving "service monkeys" and "service monkey handlers." That obese TSA employee with the sixth-grade education no longer needs to invent some on-the-fly absurd treatment of such simians and simian enablers, because it's all in the procedural manual: