I am an Episcopalian in a town with an Episcopalian seminary so have known a lot of clergy. I am told that every Episcopal bishop's office could put you in contact with a "deliverance specialist" but that tends to be after other options are exhausted.
(Four of the cats in the house regularly sleep with me so, yeah, I wake up with marks a lot.)
Perfect, Evan! I wonder if his spouse ever pondered whether he got those claw marks in bed from someone else and he just made up this lame reason for why he has the claw marks in his shoulders and front-facing sides. A REAL demon would have torn up his back or written graffiti in an ancient language back there or something. (OK, that sounded too specific, but letting my imagination roam, that's what I came up with.) Could Tuckems be having a sort of mental break? I don't want to feel pity for this POS, so I'll stop. He is so WEIRD you guys...
They think yoyos who had four dogs in the sack with them at the time they were clawed, couldn't possibly have been clawed by the dogs as they became restless in their sleep, but obviously must have been clawed by a demon - and they also think women aren't responsible enough to vote, so the 19th Amendment should be repealed.
When women en masse begin claiming they were clawed by demons in their sleep, I may entertain that idea.
"Mr. Primitive Root Wiener himself, weird gross Rod Dreher, that eternally divorced Christian creeper bootlicker, the one who absconded to Hungary for all night fascist parties with fascists, who probably gets erections in his pubic hair, dunno why, it just seems like something weird he would do, just like one of those static electricity balls that make his hair stand up straight, except it’s just his pubes standing at attention when he sees something sexy."
EVAN! This made me bray out a donkey-laugh so loud I startled a cat and annoyed a husband.
Shouldn't Tucker have just concentrated on the Book of Hot Demon Sex? It has everything he needs to know and you don't have to read all those borings "A begat B who begat C" stuff that fills up most of the Bible.
This reminds me that some strains of Christians really, really hated the Harry Potter books because he was a witch and magic comes from the devil. etc. This was very confusing to me because I don't believe in magic, ghosts, demons and so on. Harry Potter was an amusing story, none of it was real.
“Physically mauled. Yeah, by a demon. Or by something unseen that left claw marks on my sides …”
It was a demon, sent by Satan incarnate -- the Fulvous Flatulence -- to remind him of his Faustian deal. And like any bargain made with the Devil, it never turns out the way the person who sold their soul expected or planned (there's an old Yiddish expression: “Menschen trakht aun Got lakht” translation: “Man plans, God laughs[,]” and I assume this same aphorism applies to Satan as well).
He was thrown under the bus by Fox News where he thought his sinecure was in the bag no matter what he said or did. Fox took everything from his home studio in Maine, and he was forced to rebuild at his own expense (no wingnut welfare for him). Elmo the Man-child has control of Carlson's Xitter channel. He had to realign his image (rather unsuccessfully) after proving himself as Putin's tool.
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"But he says he woke up, went outside, walked around, and when he came back, his wife and dogs hadn’t even awakened, so … DEMON!
...
“And then I had these terrible pains on my ribcage and on my shoulder, and I was just in my boxer shorts … “"
Maybe I missed it, but can anyone tell me when and where the alleged mauling occurred? It had to be someplace and sometime warm and comfortable; not even Carlson is stupid enough to go for a walk in the cold wearing just his boxers.
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"Tucker starts blabbing about how he didn’t come from a religious background where they talked about getting clawfucked by demons in the dead of night — he’s Episcopalian — and so he had to ask an evangelical Christian assistant about it, and they were like oh yeah, happens to everybody."
I'm sure Carlson is a devout Christian who attends church every week, even if he hasn't seen the light and joined the One True Church -- American Evangelicalism. The bloody claw marks and blood on the sheet were probably caused by misplaced stigmata.
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"He didn’t want to talk to any Christian pastors about it, because he doesn’t like or trust them."
As the late, great Marx (Groucho that is) said, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER." [all caps in the original]
Claw marks? Did he get run over by a reindeer? But, hello? Dogs? FOUR OF THEM? In the bed? It seems like the easy answer to all these scratches. But no, he had to go all: demon!
Definitely grifting off the Evangelicals.
I am an Episcopalian in a town with an Episcopalian seminary so have known a lot of clergy. I am told that every Episcopal bishop's office could put you in contact with a "deliverance specialist" but that tends to be after other options are exhausted.
(Four of the cats in the house regularly sleep with me so, yeah, I wake up with marks a lot.)
This is what happens when you and your “demon” forget to set up a safe word.
This is why I donate monthly. Practical advice!
The biggest shock to him that there was someone else in his bed.
Perfect, Evan! I wonder if his spouse ever pondered whether he got those claw marks in bed from someone else and he just made up this lame reason for why he has the claw marks in his shoulders and front-facing sides. A REAL demon would have torn up his back or written graffiti in an ancient language back there or something. (OK, that sounded too specific, but letting my imagination roam, that's what I came up with.) Could Tuckems be having a sort of mental break? I don't want to feel pity for this POS, so I'll stop. He is so WEIRD you guys...
Possibly Jeannine? Just spitballin'.
Just shoot the demon if it comes back, it's not that hard.
God these people are weird.
They think yoyos who had four dogs in the sack with them at the time they were clawed, couldn't possibly have been clawed by the dogs as they became restless in their sleep, but obviously must have been clawed by a demon - and they also think women aren't responsible enough to vote, so the 19th Amendment should be repealed.
When women en masse begin claiming they were clawed by demons in their sleep, I may entertain that idea.
"Mr. Primitive Root Wiener himself, weird gross Rod Dreher, that eternally divorced Christian creeper bootlicker, the one who absconded to Hungary for all night fascist parties with fascists, who probably gets erections in his pubic hair, dunno why, it just seems like something weird he would do, just like one of those static electricity balls that make his hair stand up straight, except it’s just his pubes standing at attention when he sees something sexy."
EVAN! This made me bray out a donkey-laugh so loud I startled a cat and annoyed a husband.
You are criminally funny.
[𝘗]𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘋𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘋𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘨𝘴’ 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴.
But it would be irresponsible *not* to speculate. 🤔
We’d really just be asking questions.
Shouldn't Tucker have just concentrated on the Book of Hot Demon Sex? It has everything he needs to know and you don't have to read all those borings "A begat B who begat C" stuff that fills up most of the Bible.
This reminds me that some strains of Christians really, really hated the Harry Potter books because he was a witch and magic comes from the devil. etc. This was very confusing to me because I don't believe in magic, ghosts, demons and so on. Harry Potter was an amusing story, none of it was real.
But yet they claim to follow someone who also preformed magic acts.
The Hollow Man: Trump’s Sad Little Masquerade of Manhood
Behind the bluster and red hats lies a brittle brand of masculinity—a hollow charade that cloaks cowardice, denial, and failure
https://substack.com/home/post/p-151038838?r=4d7sow&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
“Physically mauled. Yeah, by a demon. Or by something unseen that left claw marks on my sides …”
It was a demon, sent by Satan incarnate -- the Fulvous Flatulence -- to remind him of his Faustian deal. And like any bargain made with the Devil, it never turns out the way the person who sold their soul expected or planned (there's an old Yiddish expression: “Menschen trakht aun Got lakht” translation: “Man plans, God laughs[,]” and I assume this same aphorism applies to Satan as well).
He was thrown under the bus by Fox News where he thought his sinecure was in the bag no matter what he said or did. Fox took everything from his home studio in Maine, and he was forced to rebuild at his own expense (no wingnut welfare for him). Elmo the Man-child has control of Carlson's Xitter channel. He had to realign his image (rather unsuccessfully) after proving himself as Putin's tool.
-----
"But he says he woke up, went outside, walked around, and when he came back, his wife and dogs hadn’t even awakened, so … DEMON!
...
“And then I had these terrible pains on my ribcage and on my shoulder, and I was just in my boxer shorts … “"
Maybe I missed it, but can anyone tell me when and where the alleged mauling occurred? It had to be someplace and sometime warm and comfortable; not even Carlson is stupid enough to go for a walk in the cold wearing just his boxers.
-----
"Tucker starts blabbing about how he didn’t come from a religious background where they talked about getting clawfucked by demons in the dead of night — he’s Episcopalian — and so he had to ask an evangelical Christian assistant about it, and they were like oh yeah, happens to everybody."
I'm sure Carlson is a devout Christian who attends church every week, even if he hasn't seen the light and joined the One True Church -- American Evangelicalism. The bloody claw marks and blood on the sheet were probably caused by misplaced stigmata.
-----
"He didn’t want to talk to any Christian pastors about it, because he doesn’t like or trust them."
As the late, great Marx (Groucho that is) said, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER." [all caps in the original]
fnord
Claw marks? Did he get run over by a reindeer? But, hello? Dogs? FOUR OF THEM? In the bed? It seems like the easy answer to all these scratches. But no, he had to go all: demon!
Demons don't exist. Tucker's going to have to come up with a better excuse to explain his rough sex.
With a mammal that was in his bed that night, not necessarily his wife.
Mmmmm Carlson's letter to Penthouse left out the ectoplasm he ejected under the careful Demon milking....