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Tucker's Russian Propaganda Public Access Show 'Live From A Strange Man's Shed' Not So Good, Y'all :(
There were facts about yak herders for some reason?
Well, now we know what it looks like when Tucker Carlson doesn't have a budget or a name for his show or writers or talent or a bath or a purpose. It was "Tucker on Twitter," which suddenly happened last night seemingly because Tucker hadn't given Vladimir Putin a rimjob in a minute and we guess he was missing it.
Welcome to SNOOOOOOOOOOZE TUCKER WITHOUT MAKEUP, a 10-minute Twitter show that came out of nowhere at 6 p.m. last night without warning or fanfare, because we guess he just needed to say some Russian propaganda about how Ukraine probably blew up the Nova Kakhova dam.
— Tucker Carlson (@Tucker Carlson) 1686088831
"Hey, it's Tucker Carlson!" he shouted at the beginning, like a person doing an impression of "glad to be alive."
RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA RUSSIA PROPAGANDA! Vladimir Putin would never blow up dam! Vladimir Putin love dam! Dam make water for Crimea! Vladimir Putin love Crimea!
That's the first minute.
He continued to babble about how wonderful Putin was, and how evil it was of the American media to accuse Putin of attacking himself. He was so mad nobody would blame Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Why does everybody love Zelenskyy!
"Sweaty and rat-like, a comedian--turned-oligarch, a persecutor of Christians, a friend of Blackrock." Yes, that is how Tucker talked about the Jewish Zelenskyy. ( Another one of his old hits from back in earlier times of prosperity and employment.) "Our shifty, dead-eyed Ukrainian friend in the tracksuit." So Tucker still has an exposed nerve about the guy the entire world wants to fuck, clearly. "He's literally a living saint, a man in whom there is no sin! That's why Lindsey Graham is so attracted to him!"
OK, Tucker. LOL.
Remember how the Russians were mad because of that edited clip where Lindsey Graham said "the Russians are dying"? Tucker is mad about that too.
Tucker is mad at Nikki Haley for supporting Ukraine. Tucker says Nikki Haley's types of arguments are "tautologies" and "hilariously stupid" and "only dumb people talk like that."
Tucker is mad because "your average yak herder in Tajikistan knows who blew up the Nord Stream pipeline," but Americans don't. (Yeah he was probably right about the pipeline actually, we guess it had to happen at least once.) "Does he think some skinny dude in a dress is actually a girl?" (Still talking about the yak herder.) "That idea would never OCCUR to him." To recap: Americans are dumber than yak herders because they don't know who blew up pipeline and also believe that trans people exist. Matt Walsh should ask that yak herder: What is a woman?
Tucker wants to know where our Ukraine aid money has gone. (Ukraine.) Who organized the Black Lives Matter protests, which he called "riots," because obviously? "What exactly happened on 9/11? Well it's still classified!" Jeffrey Epstein! JFK! Aliens!
So basically at this point he's Alex Jones but without the showmanship or the bedside manner.
Not sure how this is going to survive in a world where any old incel Nazi can make an iPhone TikTok "I touch myself" porn from their mom's basement on their phone and upload it for free.
Guess Tucker will just have to find out. By himself. In his shed.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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