Tucker Carlson Will Not 'Bate To Wonder Woman Any More. Thanks Obama.

Is there nothing sacred that liberals won't destroy with their liberal liberalism like a bunch of liberal liberals? No, of course not, that's a stupid question, back of the classroom for you, and don't forget your dunce cap.

As our friends (okay, one friend) at Happy Nice Time People report , now liberals have gone and destroyed your favorite childhood cartoon memories, and the bobblehead brain trust that isFox & Friendsis ON IT:

When Fox & Friends describes something as “A symbol of freedom and masculinity and America itself -- the reason this country exists!” ... what is it that you think they’re talking about?

“Guns” is a very good guess, but no.

This time, we’re talking about tobacco. Because America = Virginia in this context apparently. But when Tucker Carlson is hyperbolizing, he’s got no time to worry about details. After all, the integrity of the cartoon Popeye is at stake!!

Because of that law no one seems to actually remember passing that all "new" entertainment must be a remake of previously existing entertainment, which may or may not have been entertaining in its original form -- seriously, wasn't Herbie The Lovebug bad enough without adding Lindsay Lohan into the mix? -- Sony is remaking Popeye The Sailor Man, but without the tobacco. Oh no! It's the end of America as we know it.

“This is a sad story,” says Tucker, who knows exactly what’s at stake here.

“This is a very sad story,” one-ups co-host Clayton Morris, because he’s a dick like that.

Yes, a cartoon no one has even thought about in 20 years is suddenly a sacred text that cannot be changed. American culture and traditional masculinity depend on it. Because if the Popeye you saw as a child isn’t the same one your children see, the terrorists win. Or something.

“Are they wussifying Popeye?” asks Clayton.

“Of course they’re wussifying—nothing is scarier to a modern liberal than tobacco,” says Tucker.

Really, Tucker? Not even Christmas?

It gets worse from there.

"Look what we've done to Wonder Woman over the years," says not-Tucker. In the new comic book version of Wonder Woman, she's sadly no longer wearing those short shorts. "They've stuck her in a pant suit." Oh, the inhumanity! Everyone knows Wonder Woman is supposed to be masturbatory material for men, even though it turns out, ahem, that Wonder Woman is sort of based on the Queen of Contraception Margaret Sanger and is actually your for real feminist superhero who would not actually give a flaming lasso about what the dudes on Fox think she should be wearing.

But yeah, boo hoo, dumb liberals have ruined Wonder Woman too. Bring back the short shorts!

“That’s a good Islamic point you’re making,” says Tucker, emphasizing the word Islamic to make sure you know it’s a slur. “It’s immodest, as we say in Sharia… I want to see her in a burka.”

Because nothing helps out your argument better than ad hoc racism.

Ugh, right? Go read the whole thing at Happy, and watch the video. If you dare.

[ Happy Nice Time People ]