22 Comments
User's avatar
Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

I guess if you want an opinion about always having "something manly" in your mouth, Tucker Carlson might be your guy.

Fitzgerald Chesterfield's avatar

And the new Popeye eats kale instead of spinach!

bobbert's avatar

And what about Popeye's organ? Wait, wut?

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"nothing is scarier to a modern liberal than tobacco"

This is soooo true, guys.

We really ought to finally have a frank and open discussion about how irrationally we fear tobacco, and maybe we can get around to discussing the real elephant in the room, which is to consider which cartoon characters really <i>ought to</i> have tobacco added to them.

π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

Who says Popeye was smoking tobacco? I mean, seriously -- the guy had the munchies so bad that spinach out of a can tasted good to him.

Spotts1701, Taking Bible Guns's avatar

Where was Tucker Carlson in the late 70's/early 80's? Because when <em>The All-New Popeye Hour</em> debuted, Popeye didn't smoke in those shorts either - he just used his pipe for the "Toot! Toot!"

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

No, not really. I was going for a satirical voice, but they've totally fucked up satire by being so utterly ridiculous.

The thing that actually has changed is that there is this 24/7 channel, where idiots like Tucker Carlson can say any declarative thing that flits across his brainstem, even something as laughable as that "nothing is scarier" quote, and there's not a single shit-for-brains that would bother to think "if the guy on my teevee is saying something this blatantly unbelievable -- and tying it to political implications of antiquated cartoon characters -- shouldn't I be questioning other things he says?"

Tiny kaiju's avatar

May I please use this epithet? It is eminently usable and quite delightful. As good as "gold plated shit gibbon" from Veep.

Capt.Jim's avatar

Well I guess that proves

Guess Virginia is not for lovers if Tucker is never ever going to spank his love monkey again,and here I thought that Maureen and Jonnie had set the saying in stone.

bobbert's avatar

Is jouissance involved?

schmannity's avatar

Don't take away Popeye's hash pipe!

Good_Gawd_Yall - Unperson's avatar

OTOH, if them's yer terms . . .