35 Comments

“Massive size is a threat, no matter what it is. Always. In our bones we understand this. Anything huge is inherently terrifying to us. Children run from big things!”

So this whole screed was because his wife said 3 inches was too small?

Expand full comment

"Your relationships are the sum of your life."

That sounds wrong. Surely "your life is the sum of your relationships" is more what he was trying to say?

Expand full comment

"The Athenians invented democratic government, but at its peak, Athens only had about 8,000 voters. So, past a certain scale, democracy can't function very well."

People also credit them with developing logic, Tucker.

Expand full comment

Anyone anywhere would rather fuck anyone other than TuckTuck.

Expand full comment

I call the bingo card spot for "long covid is just low t".

Expand full comment

If that is the case, I feel great not having relationships with the MAGAs.

Expand full comment

Even more hilariously, Athenian men didn’t consider themselves “white”. Women were white because they weren’t allowed out of the house. Men were black from the sun.

Expand full comment

She probably already has

Expand full comment

Jesus Tucker, get therapy already.

Expand full comment

Past a certain scale?Well. It can get confusing if certain people only count as 3/5 a person

Expand full comment

If Tuckley Sterling Swanson von Carlson VIII is so concerned about hormone disruption in humans, maybe he should be ranting against the DuPonts and the chemical industry, but then he'd be off the guest list for their batshit holiday parties.

Expand full comment

Seriously, one of the most dangerous people in America today.

Expand full comment

As I'm sure someone has already mentioned, between Covid and opioids we are making room for a lot of immigrants.

Covid is kissing close to 850,000 deaths at 2K+ a day, and on the opioid side half a million (500,000) deaths from 1999 to 2021. With 100,000 coming last year, in 2021.

Expand full comment

“Children run from big things!”

Let it be also be noted that we have no record of children or anyone else running away from Tucker Carlson in a locker room, communal shower or public bath.

What? If he can go from low testosterone to Jan. 6 to woodland cabins in a heartbeat, we might as well stick his junk in there, too.

Expand full comment

This is equal parts hilarious and mortifying

Expand full comment

Isn't that kind of racist? The "big black buck" part. I really don't know, as I'm more interested in the sexism than the racism.

Expand full comment