Turn. The Volume. Up.
And more (slightly inebriated) thoughts on What Happened Last Night.
There was a thing my favorite singer Tori Amos said a long time ago, it stuck with me, she said, “If it’s too loud, turn it up.”
Well guess who said that shit last night.
Here we are. Here we are!
YOU GUYS, HERE WE FUCKING ARE!
Zohran Mamdani is gonna be the mayor of New York, and also of America.
I am in New York City right now, and you better believe this means something, because I never write in the first person on Wonkette, but I am going to in this post.
You guys, New York was electric last night, bartenders were telling me their friends from Europe were texting them to congratulate them, Uber drivers from Bangladesh were like … what? Did we do it? Yes, they did! They did it! Fucking everybody did it!
Don’t let anybody tell you normal New Yorkers are not giddy right now. It is palpable.
But it wasn’t just New York.
Virginia Governor-Elect Abigail Spanberger kicked all the fucking ass, and fuck her opponent Winsome Earle-Sears, SHE WHO’S WINSOME DOES NOT ALWAYS WIN THEM, that is a musical theater joke, and maybe if Winsome Earle-Sears wasn’t such an anti-LGBTQ+ asshole who ran her entire campaign on being anti-trans she wouldn’t have alienated so many people. Anyway, Spanberger won by like 15 points.
Also! That state is on its way to a Democratic supermajority maybe, which is literally something that happened BECAUSE Republicans tried to gerrymander themselves into total victory and America told them to eat ass instead.
Mikie Sherrill? Omg! That New Jersey governor’s race was supposed to be closer than Virginia! And it technically was. By TINY bit. She spiked that Republican bitch’s ass by like 13 points.
California? They understood the assignment. They will be gerrymandering the cockdickbitchcuntmotherfuckpiss out of themselves, in response to Trump’s orders to Republican states to do the same.
OH YOU NO LIKE WHEN WE DO SAME THING?
EAT OUR ASSHOLES IN HELL!
What else?
First woman mayor of Detroit, CONGRATULATIONS, Mary Sheffield!
Alll the counties in Virginia got bluer!
Broken supermajorities in Mississippi! (THAT SHIT MATTERS.)
And so many much mores!
Let’s cheat off heroic election watcher and numbers nerd Taniel, to show us some real THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goodness!
But yeah more:
Thank you, kind Taniel AKA Daniel Nichanian, whom you should all be following!
Well, fiddlesticks. This is what democracy looks like.
In summary and in conclusion, Debra Messing, we are so sorry for whatever your shriveled soul is feeling like this morning, just kidding, you literally had one good acting job and now you’re just a washed up piece of shit.
Zohran is the new Grace!
(Except he has sex.)
Debra Messing has turned into a real [REDACTED].
The end.
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WTF. Mississippi? The state that had a Confederate battle standard on its flag until 5 years ago? Dems broke the GOP supermajority in that state?
WT actual F.
Winsome, Losesome!