USA Beats USSR In Losing Afghanistan

Congratulations, America! The U.S. war in Afghanistan has now lasted longer than the Soviet war in Afghanistan. That's nine years and fifty-three days for us, so far, and nine years and fifty days for the USSR. One cool thing about always having wars in the same brown-people countries year after year and decade after decade is that simple people don't need to keep learning new, weird country names. Just sort of learn to say Afghanistan and Iraq, and you're set for 20 or 30 years!

Experts say we're closer than ever to making each Muslim teenager in America willing to blow up a car bomb at a Christmas tree lighting in Oregon as long as the FBI does all the bomb stuff. The next nine years and fifty-three days of the Afghanistan War should be even better than the first nine years and fifty-three days! [ LA Times / Newser ]