Virginia Ex-Gov Bob McDonnell Indicted For Being The 'Alleged,' Whatever, Griftiest In All The Land

We hope former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell enjoyed the ten days off since his term ended since he now will spend the immediate future trying to avoid a stretch in the pokey. That’s because old Grifter Bob and his wife Maureen were indicted by a federal grand jury on 14 counts of corruption. Hey, at least he got something for his corruption besides the nihilistic sensation of being a sneering asshole sticking it to a political enemy. Chris Christie must be wiping copious amounts of sweat from his massive Neanderthal brow now that we’ll all be focused on another corrupt Republican governor for a day or two.

The charges revolve around the McDonnells’ relationship with wealthy Richmond businessman Jonnie Williams Sr. Williams, referred to in the indictment as JW, gifted Grifter Bob and his wife the Duchess of Henrico County with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of gifts, including rides on his private jet, golf weekends at an exclusive Virginia club, and paying for the caterer at the McDonnells’ daughter’s wedding.

There were also the shopping sprees at fancy New York stores for Maureen McDonnell, for whom the Macy’s at Chesterfield Towne Center was apparently not good enough. When one of Grifter Bob’s senior staffers informed the First Lady of Grifterdom that it would be inappropriate for Williams to purchase an Oscar de la Renta gown for her to wear to her husband’s inaugural, Maureen had a fit, emailing the staffer:

I need to talk to you about Inaugural clothing budget. I need answers and Bob is screaming about the thousands I’m charging up in credit card debt. We are broke, have an unconscionable amount in credit card debt already, and this Inaugural is killing us!! I need answers and I need help, and I need to get this done.

Somewhere Imelda Marcos is shaking her head and hissing “amateur” to herself. Probably while screeching hell-demons jam hot pokers into every orifice of her body, whether or not she is actually dead.

As we told you last summer (MUST CREDIT WONKETTE CREDITING OTHER SOURCES), in exchange for bestowing all these gifts upon Virginia’s First Couple, Williams got their help in pushing his company’s dietary supplement Anatabloc, a supposed anti-inflammatory of dubious scientific provenance that contained an alkaloid produced in tobacco plants, on researchers, doctors and other health professionals in the state of Virginia. So basically the McDonnells were grifting from Williams in exchange for helping him grift from state coffers for research grants and consumers who can be talked into buying miracle products of dubious medical and scientific value. It was an orgy of grifting that could now cost both McDonnells $1 million in fines and a few decades in a federal penitentiary.

If you have time and need some laughs you should really peruse the very detailed indictment, which reads like something that could have been filed against Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette if they had had ethics laws and district attorneys in Revolutionary France.

This was not the only "alleged" shady deal perpetrated by the "allegedly" Grifty Gov. He also signed with some foreign company to build a tunnel under the Elizabeth River between the cities of Portsmouth and Norfolk and turn it and another existing tunnel into toll roads charging $2 per trip, with the company guaranteed a 13.5% annual profit on the project. Screw working class people who use the tunnels daily while lining the pockets of some consortium. Thanks Bob! Good thing Virginia governors are limited to two (non-consecutive) four-year terms. Who knows what kind of insane shit this guy could have pulled off if he could have been re-elected.

It'll be a hard act for Terry McAuliffe to follow; here's hoping he can find a way to shine!

[ Richmond Times-Dispatch ]