'Vladimir, STOP!' Cries Trump, Who STILL Doesn't Know He's Putin's Bitch
Trump's 'final offer' for Ukraine/Russia peace is going about as well as things always go for Mr. Art of the Deal.
Donald Trump started lashing out at Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on Truth Social yesterday, because it appears his presidency has reached the point where they just leave him on the toilet to play with his phone while Stephen Miller does the actual job. (Check his feed today. He’s babbling a lot. He used the phrase “By copy of this TRUTH,” which we guess is the new “I HEREBY ORDER!”)
The text, because we need to parse this out:
Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, is boasting on the front page of The Wall Street Journal that, “Ukraine will not legally recognize the occupation of Crimea. There’s nothing to talk about here.” This statement is very harmful to the Peace Negotiations with Russia
Fuck you, traitor felon. You don’t get to tell Ukraine what’s “harmful” to peace negotiations when they’re the country that was invaded, raped, and pillaged entirely unprovoked. Fuck you.
in that Crimea was lost years ago under the auspices of President Barack Hussein Obama, and is not even a point of discussion. Nobody is asking Zelenskyy to recognize Crimea as Russian Territory but, if he wants Crimea, why didn’t they fight for it eleven years ago when it was handed over to Russia without a shot being fired?
“Why was Crimea taken so easily?” It’s a fucking video! Watch a history video on the toilet, Trump!
More on “Nobody is asking Zelenskyy to recognize Crimea as Russian Territory” in a minute.
The area also houses, for many years before “the Obama handover,” major Russian submarine bases. It’s inflammatory statements like Zelenskyy’s that makes it so difficult to settle this War. He has nothing to boast about! The situation for Ukraine is dire — He can have Peace or, he can fight for another three years before losing the whole Country.
Or the US can continue helping its historical allies Europe and Ukraine blow Moscow into the fucking sun. That’s an entirely acceptable choice.
I have nothing to do with Russia,
He feels the need to insist. (It is because he is Putin’s bitch.)
but have much to do with wanting to save, on average, five thousand Russian and Ukrainian soldiers a week, who are dying for no reason whatsoever. The statement made by Zelenskyy today will do nothing but prolong the “killing field,” and nobody wants that! We are very close to a Deal,
You are not.
but the man with “no cards to play”
Zelenskyy has no cards to play? Because we feel like it’s Trump who has no cards to play.
should now, finally, GET IT DONE. I look forward to being able to help Ukraine, and Russia, get out of this Complete and Total MESS, that would have never started if I were President!
Right, Grandpa Dementia Poops, it never would have started if you were president, just like you’re gonna end this war in your first 24 hours in office. Let’s get you back on top of your bedpan.
So that’s some lashing out from yesterday, as we said.
Today, he’s whining and lashing out that he’s not happy with Putin continuing to do strikes on Kyiv.
Begging Putin to get a peace deal done, as if Putin even considers him a real character in this drama, or respects him as a world leader?
Hahahahahahaha, hard nyet.
“Vladimir, STOP!” is the new “Piper, NOOOOOOOO!”
Zelenskyy did indeed say at a press conference this week, as quoted by the Wall Street Journal, that it would not respect Crimea, as it is against their Constitution. If he did, it would set a precedent that Russia — or any other rogue nation — can gallivant in and snatch up pieces of whatever nations they like, and have it recognized.
He also said Russia needs to agree to a cease-fire to show it’s willing to take “serious steps, not childishness.”
As we said, Trump may be up atop his toilet while others do his job, but it has indeed been suggested by American officials that at least the US, and maybe also Ukraine, should recognize Crimea as Russian. (Which is insane.) Oh, but that’s not all. Axios reported this week on the US’s so-called “final offer” to Ukraine for a “peace deal,” which it handed to Ukrainian officials last week in Paris, ahead of talks yesterday. Surprise, it is tantamount to a full-scale rimjob from Trump to his patron Putin, and Ukraine gets nothing.
Here are all the ways Trump licks Putin’s ass in his proposal for “peace.” We are paraphrasing Axios here, and making it more fun to read than Axios:
US recognizes Crimea as rightfully Russian.
US recognizes in a de facto way “nearly all of Luhansk oblast and the occupied portions of Donetsk, Kherson and Zaporizhzhia.” So, like, all the parts of Eastern Ukraine Putin really wants.
US promises Ukraine can’t join NATO.
American sanctions in place since 2014, byeeeeeee!
And so forth.
And here is what Ukraine gets, excuse us, “gets”:
“Robust security guarantee,” wanking motion dot gif. Hey remember that time Ukraine gave up all its nukes in 1994 in exchange for “robust security guarantee,” not just from the US and the UK but also Russia? Ha ha!
Ukraine gets back a tiny piece of one oblast, Kharkiv, that Russia has been occupying.
Ukraine gets to use the Dnieper River, which is in … [checks notes] … Ukraine.
Help rebuilding, with funding to come from ???
Also Ukraine gets to “keep” the Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant, but America gets to run it for some reason. And “minerals deal,” where Ukraine gets to give America lots of money. (There’s that Trump griiiiiiift!)
Axios reports that this document came about last week after Trump’s Russian envoy Steve Witkoff, the mouthbreathing dipshit who believes everything Putin says and doesn’t think he’s a tyrant, met with Putin for four hours. He’s meeting with him some more this week!
But of course, Witkoff and Secretary of State Marco Rubio didn’t participate in talks in London on Wednesday with the Ukrainians and the Europeans — they pulled out at the last minute. Witkoff gotta keep his mouth fresh for Vlad.
So this is where they are. Trump and his minions are insisting Ukraine accept their offer of “nothing,” or they’re going to walk away and stop trying to get “nothing” for Ukraine. Meanwhile, Trump is whining on Truth Social because Putin won’t stop bombing, even though he’s giving him everything he wanted, VLADIMIR, STOOOOOP!
We recently revisited the idea of “peace plans” for Ukraine that have been circulating ever since fantasies of a Donald Trump presidency started to become cumstains in Paul Manafort’s and Putin’s underpants. It has always, always, always, meant surrender to Russia. As we bleeted:
And as we wrote almost two months ago:
During the 2016 campaign and shortly after, Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort — who you’ll remember was mysteriously chairing the campaign for “free” after doing similar work to install pro-Russian stooge Viktor Yanukovych in power in Ukraine in 2010 — was shopping a “peace plan” for Russia and Ukraine, which would include sanctions relief and letting Russia carve out whatever parts of Ukraine it wanted. […] (Important context: Putin blamed the United States, and specifically Hillary Clinton, for orchestrating the 2013-14 Euromaidan protests that toppled Yanukovych. Invading and seizing Crimea directly after was his temper tantrum response.)
Manafort lied to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigators about that, specifically about his conversations with his Russian spy buddy Konstantin Kilimnik about the “peace plan.” That plan was to make Eastern Ukraine “autonomous,” in order to set it up for Russia eventually just taking it. Kilimnik was, of course, the same Russian spy Manafort was handing Trump campaign modeling data about the Rust Belt to, to hand over to their oligarch buddy Oleg Deripaska.
And on and on and on. Through the 2016 campaign, into Trump’s first presidency, “peace plan,” sanctions relief, carve up Ukraine to give Putin the pieces he wants, “peace plan,” sanctions relief, carve up Ukraine.
And boy oh boy, would you look at what’s written on Steve Witkoff’s ass-cheeks in Sharpie every time he travels to Russia! It says “peace plan,” sanctions relief, and carve up Ukraine! Trump is using “security guarantee” and extortion to try to seize everything Putin wants from Zelenskyy and give it to his master in the Kremlin.
Heather Cox Richardson detailed in her newsletter last night just how precisely Trump’s so-called “final offer” to Zelenskyy lines up with what his Kremlin operative buddies have been shopping for the benefit of Russia for a full decade now, how it’s literally Manafort’s plan from 2016.
She writes:
Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s 2019 report on Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election explained that Manafort in summer 2016 “discussed a plan to resolve the ongoing political problems in Ukraine by creating an autonomous republic in its more industrialized eastern region of Donbas, and having [Russian-backed Viktor] Yanukovych, the Ukrainian President ousted in 2014, elected to head that republic.”
The Mueller Report continued: “That plan, Manafort later acknowledged, constituted a ‘backdoor’ means for Russia to control eastern Ukraine.” The region that Putin wanted was the country’s industrial heartland. He was offering a “peace” plan that carved off much of Ukraine and made it subservient to him.
She also notes how Putin’s own actions — after he invaded in 2022 which exact lands he claimed as his own, how his own “peace plan” in 2024 was basically the “Mariupol Plan” that Manafort had been working with his Russian spy buddy Konstantin Kilimnik.
On June 14, 2024, as he was wrongly imprisoning American journalist Evan Gershkovich, Putin made a “peace proposal” to Ukraine that sounded much like the Mariupol Plan. He offered a ceasefire if Ukraine would give up Donetsk, Luhansk, Zaporizhzhia, and Kherson, including far more territory than Putin’s troops occupy, and abandon plans to join NATO. “If Kyiv and the Western capitals refuse it, as before,” Putin said, “then in the end, that’s their…political and moral responsibility for the continuation of bloodshed.”
They’re all working together, for Putin, against America, and against Ukraine.
Trump, Putin, Marco Rubio, Paul Manafort, Paul Witkoff, the whole fucking traitor lot of them.
Except Trump’s all upset now because Putin won’t stop bombing so Trump can declare Art Of The Deal and Flawless Victory!
Again, everybody who isn’t Trump or MAGA knows who’s whose bitch here.
VLADIMIR, STOP!
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>>in that Crimea was lost years ago under the auspices of President Barack Hussein Obama,<<
Oh fuck you, you racist clownass. Remember also too that Obama was no stranger to making Putin HIS bitch. So there's that.