Was Scalia Murdered By Obama The Gay Prostitute?! Your Weekly Top Ten

She's sort of photogenic.

Well hallooooo, Wonkers! Are you ready for all the top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead? There were many top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead. Maybe you have read them all! Maybe you are A Idiot who forgets to read every single word Wonket ever tells to you. Why you gotta be such A Idiot?

[contextly_sidebar id="9KD47P2nO5EXZTA4F6zNPhSMVDyFDuvz"]We will do our big countdown of your assigned weekend reading in a minute, but you should know there are only FIVE DAYS left in the Kickstarter for the card game present yr Wonkette made for you, and for real we need your help. We are SO CLOSE but not as close as we'd like to be, and you know what happens if we don't reach our goal? Sadness is what happens. You don't want to cause SADNESS, do you? Please find it in your hearts to help us with the last third of the moneys we need, and we will return the favor by finding it in our hearts to love you FOREVER AND EVER. Click here to do money at us! 

What, you are saying that while you are opening your wallet, you would like to have the Wonkette baby give you side-eye again, nestled in the bosom of Mika Brzezinski? Well all right:

Side-eye.

OK, here is your weekly top ten list, chosen as usual by Beyoncé (WE WISH):

1. For this week's Off The Menu, it was restaurant employees who got REVENGE, BABY REVENGE.

2. If you haven't yet, please introduce yourself to Texas school board candidate Mary Lou Bruner. She will teach you about how Obama used to be a gay ho, and other interesting stuff.

3. Our very first post on Antonin Scalia dying. It was called "Antonin Scalia Still Dead."

4. Scalia's death naturally led wingnuts to conclude he was murdered by Obama (who used to be a gay ho, of course), just like he did to Dead Breitbart and America.

5. The end of the dingbat Oregon militia standoff resulted in more arrests, and a general sense of ennui over how it didn't start a revolution.

6. Your crush, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, kindly invited the GOP to STFU about Scalia's replacement.

7. Does Tucker Carlson want to masturbate his Tucka-penis while looking at fat chicks? No, he does not. 

8. That lawless Nevada thug Cliven Bundy gets to stay in jail forever and forever, all the way to infinity, hooray!

9. Did you hear Editrix Rebecca's tale of experiencing Genteel Racisms at the Virginia RV Park WAFFLE BAR? Well read it again!

10. And finally, Hillary Clinton is literally barking mad. 

So there you go, Wonkers. That's your assigned reading for this weekend.

Now you have one task left, and one task only. Do you follow Wonkette on the Facebook and the Twitter? WELL DO THAT IF YOU DON'T. And (cough) give money to the (cough) Kickstarter. Oh guess that's two tasks, our bad!

OK BYE WE LOVE YOU, AS LONG AS YOU DO WHAT WE SAY.

Love,

Wonket