Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, The Espresso Martini!

Elevating the classic for Hemingway’s new look.

Three coffee beans for good luck.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. We’re starting some renovations at Hemingway’s. Our initial focus was on opening and creating a welcoming space for guests. Now we’re starting to focus on what kind of space this will be. Hemingway’s will definitely have some fern bar vibes going forward; the place’s sophistication level is steadily growing. With that in mind, I think it’s time to visit some fern-bar-style cocktails for the menu. Let’s focus in on the Espresso Martini. It wasn’t a fern bar drink, but it should have been — and it’s fern-bar material today. Here’s the recipe.

Espresso Martini

1 ½ oz cold fresh espresso

1 oz Zaya Rum

1 oz OYO Honey Vanilla Vodka

¾ oz Mr. Black coffee liqueur

½ oz Demerara syrup

Pour all ingredients into the small tin of a cocktail shaker. Fill the large tin of the shaker with ice, at least ⅔ full. Shake the cocktail vigorously for 13 seconds. Double strain into a martini glass. Garnish with espresso powder and coffee beans.

I love the espresso martini’s origin story. Legend has it the original espresso martini was created in 1983 by London-based bartender Dick Bradsell at Fred’s Club. A young, well-known fashion model came into the bar and specifically asked for a drink that would “wake me up and f**k me up.” Mr. Bradsell refused to name the supermodel. He made broad allusions, but maintained his professional discretion and kept his peace. The best guesses so far are Kate Moss or Naomi Campbell. If it was Kate Moss, things would be a bit awkward. She was only 16 back in 1983. Bradsell died in 2016, and he took the secret to the grave with him — along with his unbesmirched liquor license.

What I find interesting is that the fern bar concept was well underway when Mr. Bradsell made his martini. The first fern bar opened in 1965 in the heart of NYC’s East Side. Alan Stillman, the owner, had a vision: If you wanted to pick up girls at bars, build a bar that girls would want to go to. He built a place with pastel walls, bright, clean decor, and ferns hanging from the ceiling. That place was TGI Friday’s, and to put it mildly, it did quite well.

In theory, you could order an espresso martini at TGI Friday’s, or a similar fern bar. In practice, that was unlikely. Vintage menus from the ‘80s at TGI Fridays listed wine and brunch mimosas (and Ramos Gin Fizzes, God help us all), but no cocktails. The espresso martini was big in the ‘80s and ‘90s, but it is undeniably a gangbuster of a cocktail in 2026. When a guest doesn’t know what to order, they order an espresso martini. Every bar can make an espresso martini. They fill a place in the ecosystem of a bar’s menu that makes sense in a fern-bar context. They’re sophisticated, approachable, straightforward, and tasty. Women often order them, but men drink them happily as well. They’re an ideal date cocktail — the definition of a fern-bar drink.

With all that in mind, I wanted to write an elevated cocktail that beats the local competition handily. Let’s talk ingredients:

Hemingway’s. Now with wood paneling, elegant lighting, and mandatory ferns.

Zaya Rum: Dick Bradswell used vodka as his base spirit. It was the ‘80s. Vodka was king. We can do better. This dark, sweet rum supports the espresso beautifully, but it’s too intense to carry the cocktail by itself.

OYO Honey Vanilla Bean Vodka: It’s hard to find a vanilla vodka that isn’t a sugar bomb. This locally made vodka out of Columbus isn’t too sugary and brings honey notes to the drink. I’d recommend Absolut Vanilla as a substitute.

Fresh Cold Espresso: Cold brew concentrate is a poor substitute for real espresso. It makes a flat martini that’s missing the signature head of foam that makes for a great cocktail. I’ve used cold brew and chemical foaming agents like Fee’s Foam in my country club days. It’s not as good as the real thing.

Mr. Black Coffee Liqueur: Dick Bradswell used a couple of different coffee liqueurs in his version of the drink, including Galliano coffee liqueur. (Yech. No. Don’t.) We use Mr. Black’s at Hemingway’s. It’s excellent. Don’t use Kahlua. It’s not excellent. At all.

Demerara syrup: Sugar In The Raw and water, 2:1 ratio. Heat on the stovetop until the sugar melts. Keeps forever in the fridge. (Sidebar: I tried everything in this part of the cocktail, looking for something magic. Cinnamon syrup? Nice, but a touch too “Christmas.” A bartender I trust suggested soy sauce, of all things. I don’t trust that bartender anymore. It was vile.)

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by, and I’ll make this drink for you… or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette. We’ll make it through this together.

OPEN THREAD!