Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Mezcalita!

Life is scary. Drink mezcal.

Yes, it’s as tasty as it looks.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. God, it’s been a week, hasn’t it? I was planning to write this column early in the week, and then … stuff happened.

The news has been cause to drink for far, far too long. I am blessed to have this column, and my job at Hemingway’s, to keep me sane. When life gets tough, I fall back on some fundamental truths. The sun will come up in the morning. I have a wife and daughter who love me. And a margarita is a really, really good drink. Let’s make some. Here’s the recipe.

Mezcalita

1 ½ oz Del Maguey Vida Mezcal

¾ oz fresh lime juice

½ oz Cointreau

¼ oz agave syrup

3-5 drops saline

Shake all ingredients over ice. Strain into an iced rocks glass. Garnish with a salted lime wheel.

The recipe for a margarita is delightfully flexible. You can add just about anything to a margarita, and it won’t falter. Pineapple juice? Sure. Blood orange juice? Awesome. Chocolate? Go for it. Tequila and agave love citrus. Add whatever floats your boat to a ‘rita. It’ll still taste great.

I’m using mezcal in my margarita for two reasons. One, I like the smoky earthiness of mezcal. The barbecue notes in front of the salty fruitiness of a margarita add dimension and body to an already great drink. Two, tequila is a hot mess right now. And it doesn’t promise to get any better.

To review: A few months ago, a coalition of agave farmers sued Diageo Spirits. They claimed that Casamigos and Don Julio tequila — spirits that had been certified as 100 percent blue agave by Mexico’s governing body — were less than pure. According to chemical tests, they might be less than 30 percent tequila, which means they aren’t tequila at all. Which is scummy but not entirely surprising to tequila fans; Casamigos blanco reeks of vanilla and additives when you know what to look for. But the idea that the Mexican government has been lying to all of us about what’s in tequila … well, they certify all of the tequila coming into America. The whole thing might be a lie.

It gets worse. The literal mayor of Tequila was arrested for extortion and cartel ties. Jalisco province, the home of tequila, is a warzone between the cartels and the Mexican government. Every time I look at the news regarding tequila, I feel worried and uncertain. On a week like this, it doesn’t help.

So: mezcal. Made outside of Jalisco. Made in small batches, by people who still love the craft. Funkier. Smokier. Edgier. And, maybe, a little less stressful. It’s a challenge to find peace in tough times, but with some care and thought, it might be possible. At least, I hope so. I’ll drink several mezcalitas and let you know how I feel about all of this after. Feel free to join me.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient. If this is the backup I’ve got when taking on the world, I’ll take it.

Del Maguey Vida Mezcal: Del Maguey breaks down its mezcal by the village where the agave originates, which gives me a little more confidence that it’s the real deal. Peloton de la Muerte is another mezcal brand that I have faith in. If you aren’t a smoke fan, I know that Lalo tequila is as pure as it gets. Beyond that … it’s all a toss-up. Drink what tastes good. If the lawsuits are correct, Casamigos is less of a tequila than Jose Cuervo, the spirit I’ve often derided as “the devil’s armpit squeezings.” I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Lime Juice: I do know that fresh lime juice is good in tequila. Plastic limes provide plastic juice. Use the good stuff.

Cointreau: A bright, solid orange liquor will always provide the backbone for a good margarita. Cointreau is the gold standard. The cheap triple sec used in the Mexican cantinas tastes like Orange Crush; skip it. Stirrings organic triple sec is an acceptable substitute at half the price.

Agave Syrup: Agave is less sweet than sugar, so balancing the sweetness levels in a margarita can be challenging. I like my margaritas tart, and this recipe reflects that. Feel free to increase the agave syrup by a quarter ounce or more to suit your palate.

Saline: Roughly 10:1 water-to-sea salt; skip the iodized stuff. Tequila loves salt. Salt rims are a sludgy, irregular way to add salt to your drink. We never do salted rims at Hemingway’s. Add your salt directly to the drink, where it belongs.

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by, and I’ll make a drink for you … or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette. We’ll make it through this together.

OPEN THREAD!