Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Tijuana Slipper!

So. Very. Green.

The bright red cherry at the bottom of the glass makes the green seem even brighter … if such a thing were possible.

Greetings, Wonketteers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. The weather’s warming up, and thoughts turn to spring … and tequila. Oh, tequila. How I’ve missed you. Don’t get me wrong, you can drink tequila any time of the year, but sipping Texas Ranch Water while staring out the window at snow makes me surly. As a flex, I decided to merge a sensible, sturdy margarita with a neon-green monstrosity from the ‘80s. The end result was … colorful. Thankfully, it was also tasty. Let’s make a Tijuana Slipper. Here’s the recipe: 

Tijuana Slipper

2 oz Jimador Blanco Tequila

2 oz Midori Melon Liqueur

1 oz Contreau

1 oz fresh lime juice

Pinch of sea salt

Place a maraschino cherry at the bottom of a margarita glass with a salted rim. Add crushed ice to the glass. Shake all ingredients and strain into the prepared glass. Serve at once. 

This recipe is based on the Japanese Slipper, a drink out of Melbourne, Australia, circa 1984. They did not make good cocktails in 1984. This is not an exception. A Japanese Slipper is equal parts Midori, Triple Sec, and fresh lemon juice. I should give some credit to Jean-Paul Bourguignon, the bartender who created this drink. Using actual fresh lemon juice in a cocktail in 1984 was a bold move. Still, the drink as written is sweeter than a kid’s breakfast cereal. The greatest virtue of the drink is its color. It’s green. Boy, oh, boy, is it ever green. Serve this thing on an under-lit bar, and it would glow like nuclear waste.

I could keep making fun of this chartreuse monstrosity, but Fred Siggins from Punch Magazine makes an argument for this glass that I can’t quite ignore. When Monsieur Bourguignon wrote the drink, “bartending” in Australia meant pouring shots and pulling pints. The idea of actually making a drink — especially a sweet-tart, fruit-forward, attractive-looking drink like this — was a revelation. In the depths of COVID, it became comfort food for an industry on the rocks, a little something Australian bartenders would make for each other to bond over common woes. As one drinker put it, “It’s easy as shit to make, super fun, bloody green and tasty as hell. There isn’t much not to love.” Still, we can do better. 

The obvious flaw in this drink from a modern view is the absence of a core spirit. Sweet liqueurs like Midori have no business being front and center in a drink. The sugar content is far too high to build anything like a balanced cocktail. I prefer to use a sweet liqueur as a substitute for sugar in a drink, instead of acting as the star of the show. In this case, the Midori replaces the agave syrup I’d normally use in a standard margarita. It’s worth noting that not all sweet things are equal. Taste Midori neat and you’ll go into sugar shock, but it took two ounces of Midori to balance out the lime juice in this glass. In comparison, I use ¾ of an ounce of agave syrup to balance an ounce of lime juice in my standard margarita recipe. 

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. Midori is really, really, really green.

Jimador Blanco Tequila: Absolutely my favorite inexpensive tequila, this bottle is no nonsense and very agave-forward. It’s one of the top sellers in Mexico, which is good enough for me. There are some new releases on the shelf that have my attention, including some declaring themselves “additive free.” Tequila must be at least 99 percent agave, according to the Mexican government. But you can get into a lot of mischief — just like the world! — with that 1 percent. Artificial sweeteners are hundreds of times sweeter than sugar, and I’m sure that the food industry can make some intense caramel color. The 100 percent stuff is twice as expensive as my beloved Jimador, but I’m going to try some this summer for research purposes. 

Midori Melon Liqueur: First created in 1978, this fruity sugar bomb is a staple in most American bars. The bright green bottle looks pretty on the back rail, and the sweet melon flavor finds its way into all sorts of fun drinks. It’s not the cheapest bottle at the liquor store, but if you like poolside cocktails I’ve got faith that you’ll use it more than once. 

Cointreau Triple Sec: I’ve used less expensive triple sec than Cointreau in cocktails before, but this is what I could get my hands on this week. I also thought that bringing some subtlety to a Midori-centered drink couldn’t hurt. A full bottle of Cointreau is pretty pricey, but ask the liquor store clerk and he can get you a pint that won’t break the bank. 

Lime Juice: Always use fresh, especially now that big, juicy limes are finding their way back to the supermarket. The original Japanese Slipper used lemon juice, but I’d stick with lime here. Lime juice defines margaritas, and lemons would be too acidic. 

Sea Salt: I’ve got a spice dealer I know from Pennsic who sells a lime-infused sea salt. It’s awesome for margaritas. Highly recommended if you don’t want a spicy margarita. 

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!  

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