3267 Comments

Here’s my improvement to elections in this country. It’s the ultimate implementation of Citizens United.

1) One man, one vote.

2) It is legal to buy votes at or above a minimum per vote price to be established by a National Auction.

3) Any taxpayer, or fully taxable organization, can participate in the auction. Money raised by organizations is taxed as income. (Gotta stop the churches from cheating)

4) Since the government deems votes to be priceless, no seller is subject to gains taxes.

So, each voter is guaranteed a minimum price, say $100. If you want to sell your vote, you register as a buyable vote, but you don’t have to sell unless the bid goes above your reserve. The auction begins at $101. The auction winner MUST buy at least one vote, selected at random to avoid buying your spouse’s vote. The money WILL change hands. Keeps some lowly 1%er from driving the price up.

We’ll still wind up with an oligarchy, but it will be a benevolent oligarchy.

Expand full comment

Oh hell. Out of no where I got sicker than hell yesterday. Quite literally fine one minute and then doubled over puking my guts out the next; it scared the hell out of paul. He had to practically carry me to my chair because I was so out of it.

I felt pretty good when I finally crawled back out of my chair after sleeping for 3 or 4 hours and was able to enjoy a cup of coffee with paul before he left for work. Thus I presumed everything was fine when I got up to tend to a few of the morning tasks around here.

About three quarters of the way between fluffing up couch cushions, straightening up the coffee table, tidying up the kitchen after paul got egg shells all over the kitchen floor this morning making his breakfast, and tending a couple of living room plants I felt shaky, the room went fuzzy, and I hit the floor in front of my ficus plant.

It's going to be a long day.

Expand full comment

OMG! What the? What is going on? Do you have any idea?

Expand full comment

Oh Skeptic!

One task at a time please!

But you did get some sleep?

Big *gentle* hug!

Expand full comment

Ruh roh. The passing out happened without nausea? That doesn't sound like a norovirus. But maybe it's a secondary reaction. Maybe hit an ER if it happens again?

Expand full comment

The only thing that needs "tending" is you, with tenderness.

Expand full comment

I second the good suggestions below: rest, eat, hydrate, and call paul if need be. Please.

Expand full comment

I am so sorry. Don't try to do anything except rest.

Expand full comment

When did you last eat something? Are you OK?

Expand full comment

Oh my gosh. Did you hit your head? Should you call paul? Please sit and rest. Drink water. I'm so sorry.

Expand full comment

Media logic:

Biden must prove he is mentally fit to be president! Voters have a right to know!

Oh, the Supremes delayed Trump’s criminal trial? That’s a perfectly fine political strategy. Very savvy! Very brilliant! A gift to Trump! Bravo!

Expand full comment

Also, let’s be clear about the PAB’s appeal to SCOTUS: he’s not saying he didn’t do insurrection crimes, he’s saying I’m allowed to do insurrection crimes.

Expand full comment

Chilly but sunny Chicago morn. The sparrows are out this morning, a-hoppin' and a-cheepin' and darting about.

Expand full comment

𝐄𝐥𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐤 𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐀𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲

Not The Onion.

Expand full comment

That asshat cofounded OpenAI.

Expand full comment

This is how Skynet begins.

/s

Elon Musk really needs an assistant who is allowed to tell him to just shut up and put down his phone/computer/whatever when he's being insane.

Expand full comment

That is what your loving family members are for. Oh, right all of his relatives hate him -- especially his children.

Expand full comment

Setting more money on fire, I see.

Expand full comment

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Expand full comment

It must be getting harder and harder for the Onion to come up with things that are more absurd than reality these days.

Expand full comment

I just snorted tea out my nose.

Expand full comment

Your mother was a Samovar . . .

Expand full comment

I wish everyone would demand this kind of scrutiny for Trump’s 91 felonies.

Dr Phil Challenges Joe Biden To Take a Cognitive Test And Prove He Has ‘Nothing To Hide’

https://www.mediaite.com/entertainment/dr-phil-challenges-joe-biden-to-take-a-cognitive-test-and-prove-he-has-nothing-to-hide/

Expand full comment

Fuck that useless meddling fuck.

Expand full comment

Why should he be called Dr? When was the last time he delivered a baby?

Expand full comment

The does nothing to convince me that he isn’t actually Mike Lindell without his toupée

Expand full comment

That fucker Phil is NOT a gawd damned doctor.

Expand full comment

Moot point. Trump has failed his by bragging about it.

Expand full comment

Can we get an opinion from a real doctor please?

Expand full comment

But he played one on teevee, they way Huey Shortfingers played a success on teevee.

Expand full comment

You first, Dr. Fail

Expand full comment

I challenge Dr. Phil to eat my shorts.

Expand full comment

I'll ask the question: Is Dr. Phil licensed to provide health care and if so what is his specialty? He can kindly shut the fuck up.

Expand full comment

OK. Dr. Phil. Yes, you have a PhD, and you are not a psychologist, but you are able to discern what kind of test PAB actually took.

It was a test of BASIC COGNITIVE FUNCTION. Is the processing in your cerebral cortex WORKING AT ALL? is the question posed. If you are not in a coma or suffering from an acute head trauma or experiencing disordered thinking, YOU ACED IT.

Expand full comment

Who the fuck he think he is?

Expand full comment

He's someone who is losing his audience that follow whatever snake oil he is promoting and gets told by his agent to keep his name in the press.

Expand full comment

Important, while i.. Who?

Expand full comment

A doctor.

Expand full comment

But not the useful kind.

Expand full comment

He could be the useful kind. He could be writing books and teaching classes on whatever it is he actually has a doctorate in. Grifting people with tough love psuedopsychology was more lucrative, though.

Expand full comment

Looks like it IS psychology, so he definitely knows he's lying here.

Expand full comment

Same field as Mary Trump, actually. Clinical psychology.

Expand full comment

Dr Phil is, and always has been, a fraud.

Expand full comment

Lewis Black did a righteous rant on "Dr" Phil awhile back.

Expand full comment

Why is no one challenging the Supreme Court not to delay Trump’s trial and prove he has nothing to hide?

Expand full comment

Challenging how, using what mechanism?

Expand full comment

Americans’ cost of living remains a massive headache, even as recession fears fade

https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/02/economy/american-dream-cost-of-living-housing-childcare/index.html

I get this. Things are very expensive right now.

I don't get this line: Parents are also struggling to buy bigger cars to haul around their growing families while simultaneously socking away some money in college savings plans.

You don't actually need an SUV/Truck that is the size of a Manhattan apartment to drive around in. My wife and I both have EV sedans and are constantly annoyed by the massive vehicles on the road, because you can't see over or around them and if you end up between two of them in a parking lot, you're basically pulling out blind.

Expand full comment

Giant SUVs with "drivers" paying attention to anything but driving are why I parked my beloved motorcycle 10 years ago. Loved riding it but not enough to die for it.

Expand full comment

Where I live it seems that half the population owns an enormous pickup truck, and when I park my small Hyundai SUV between two of them, I can't see to back out of the parking space. It is hugely annoying.

My parents hauled 3 kids around in a Ford sedan for 25 years without anyone complaining. We even drove from Missouri to NYC and Mexico in it twice.

Expand full comment

At this point in parking lots when I'm between two massive vehicles I just remember that my auto insurance is automatically deducted monthly.

Expand full comment

Unfortunately I drive a 20-yr-old car with a Blue Book value of about $200, which means if it gets totaled or badly damaged in an accident, I will get almost nothing from my insurance company, so I dropped all my coverages except Liability.

Expand full comment

Me too. I have 2009 Toyota RAV4 and my daughter is on me to update. But I haven't had a new car since the 90's. I Iike previously used cars.

Expand full comment

Plus the growing families bit. This may sound hard-hearted but I didn’t have a second kid because I couldn’t really afford it at the time.

Expand full comment

That's not hard-hearted. That's reality.

And it meant you could take better care of your child.

Expand full comment

I really hate the giant vehicles, because of the reasons you say, and I'm always getting honked at this one intersection where you can't see oncoming cars if a giant one pulls next to you.

That said, my dream car is a 1942 Chrysler Town and Country, so I guess I can't talk about big cars.

Expand full comment

𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑢𝑦 𝑏𝑖𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑢𝑙 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑔𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑠.

The 'bigger cars' they are struggling to buy are likely decked out Tahoes or somesuch.

They could do like WE did when WE were hauling kids and stuff: get a cheap minivan.

Expand full comment

Yeah, no love for "growing families." I joined ZPG, now called Population Connection, on the first Earth Day. I had none. Why does anyone have more than two (notwithstanding multiple births, of course)?

Expand full comment

Same. I actually made the decision at the ripe old age of 7, in 1959. Being a kid in my situation was pretty terrible, and I didn't want to bring anyone else into a world like that. At 7, it didn't occur to me that I could maybe change things. Aside from entering my last chapter with no offspring to look after me, I don't regret my decision.

Expand full comment

"But that's not what everyone else is driving! We can't do something DIFFERENT!"

Expand full comment

The rent is still too damn high, and home buying is impossible.

I think this is why it pisses off a lot of folks (including me) when people say that the economy is doing great.

Expand full comment

I was just reading something that laid out how the traditional 30-year mortgage is working now, with interest rates back at historical levels. Basically, the bank gets 8x more money than the person who sold the house gets.

The trick to homebuying is to find something cheap enough that one can afford the monthly payment, and then pay two to four extra principal payments per year. The easiest way is to add about an additional 20% of the monthly principal payment to every monthly payment.

But that assumes 1) you can find a house you can afford, 2) you can get that mortgage, and 3) you have enough excess income to make those additional payments.

The cost of all other necessities has risen to the point that many of us simply don't have that kind of jack.

Expand full comment

I've bought the cheapest home on the market four different times. This time around it's a hundred year old bungalow that was moved here in 1940. Everything needs upgrading, but the cost of said upgrades are out of reach. At my age it doesn't make sense to worry about paying it off. I "only" owe $102K, but it might as well be $1M. I'll just sit here while entropy takes over.

Expand full comment

In the last couple of years, I was faced with the decision of trying to get this place, paid off before I retire, or spending the money on upgrades. I decided that the maintenance and improvements put in increase the value of the place, and make it more comfortable to live here.

For me, I’m convinced it was the right decision. The biggest bite the bullet was replacing the non-functioning boiler, which meant upgrading the entire system. it was pricey, but no regrets.

I talked to my son yesterday, who lives in Oregon with his lady love. They are paying a third more to rent an apartment than I am paying for principle, interest, insurance, and taxes. And I’m getting some equity in the process. I struggled in the early years, but I never missed a payment. Now it’s a manageable 15% of my take-home, and it’s my happy place.

Expand full comment

Housing prices are ridiculous.

Expand full comment

I live in a small remote coastal town that of course, has a lot of 2nd homers buying up what few family homes we have here to live in when they come for 2-3 months out of the year. Places stay empty the rest of the time. Which means that the tiny house on the main road right across from the gravel pit sitting on less than a 1/4 acre and is in desperate need of renovation (and that's just what I can see from the outside), the owner just put it on the market for over $300k.

Expand full comment

I'm starting to think that second homes should have the crap taxed out of them to discourage people from doing this.

Expand full comment

South Lake Tahoe is considering a vacancy tax to discourage it. The proceeds would go toward new affordable housing projects. The wealthy have always found ways to buy themselves out of uncomfortable situations, though. They'd rather pay a law firm to tie shit up in court than pay the taxes.

Expand full comment

Yes. They should be.

Expand full comment

My wife and I drive little gas-powered stick-shift vehicles. We're probably going to transition to EV's when it's time to replace them.

We live in a city. Big vehicles are stupid in a city. Twice a year or so I rent a hauling vehicle at Home Depot or U-Haul. It's perfect. The other 363 days a year I don't have to have the damn thing.

Trouble is, it's very hard to actually find a sensible vehicle. Families need station wagons for a few years, but those have been replaced with enormously expensive light trucks. Those trucks are, as you've observed, insanely dangerous on the roads. Their drivers don't know how to drive a truck, either, so the rest of us have to adjust our driving to stay on the safe side of them.

Expand full comment

There are no "light" trucks anymore. From the 90's through the 2000's I owned a string of toyota half ton's starting with a 1980. They were affordable, reliable, fixable and now are collectable, for whatever reason, so no longer affordable. The current Toyota half ton's are bloated and way too expensive.

Expand full comment

22R’s for the win! I was talking to someone here about that just the other day. Bought mine for $1000 with 100,000 miles on it. Sold it for 500 with 325,000 miles on it, and he drove it out the driveway.

Expand full comment

Never really understood the college savings plan thing. Sure, have a college savings account, and watch the college knock down your financial aid award by the same amount.

Expand full comment

Worked for us in AK. Since the kid was born we put all his $'s into an AK 529 college savings account. He was able to use it on any Western Network college that accepted him. He got a great reduced tuition and 3/4 of his college tuition is being covered.

Expand full comment

P.S. But I don’t blame Biden for this. He’s doing everything he can while having to work with a difficult Congress and even worse SCOTUS.

Expand full comment

The problem is that nothing has inflated in price more over the past 40 years than college tuition. Public subsidies of higher education have dropped from about 72% of the cost to about 27%. Colleges have adopted the corporate management model, adding squadrons of executives with their pay, perqs, and assistants.

While focusing on how students can finance the livelihoods of executives, we forget that an educated populace is the backbone of a democracy. It's not supposed to be a private speculation scheme, but here we are. And nobody has any vested interest in examining that.

Expand full comment

I'm pretty sure that's all by design.

Expand full comment

It is. It all got rolling when the last of the Baby Boomers graduated from college in the mid-70s. A lot of colleges were founded in the 1950s and '60s to accommodate the Boomers, and they faced closure when that demographic pig passed out of the python.

So, they made a deal with Business. Colleges would implement vocational programs as 4-year degree programs, in areas employers had traditionally had to train people for. This saved huge money for large employers, and created a massive group of captive consumers for colleges. The Federal Government sealed the deal by backstopping loans, adding the additional treat of a massive subsidy (in effect) for the lending industry.

In return, employers would require those degrees.

That's when the notion that one has to go to college to get a decent job started. And the rest just followed, very predictably.

Expand full comment

I remember my mom being advised against a college savings plan for exactly that reason. Rules may have changed since then, though, and I suppose it depends a bit on your income level. If it's high enough that they're not going to get you subsidized loans anyway, the plans might make sense.

Expand full comment

Watching Mission Impossible on TV as a kid, and it gets to the end of the tape, which says if caught the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your action. I thought it referred to a letter typer lady with big hair and a pointy bra.

Expand full comment

Rosemary Woods?

Expand full comment

Sometimes I forget about Neil Young, but some of his older stuff I like a lot.

Long may you run, my friends!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVM8_jAL86w

Expand full comment

We love Neil; we're going to a concert in May.

Expand full comment

Jonesing for Neil Young (and Joni Mitchell) as my music source is Spotify and they both left in protest of that Rogan asshole. I considered dropping my sub but damn I do love Spotify as a product.

Expand full comment

We always have the YTube, my friend. Right after this song about your colon ...

Expand full comment

Okay, I've hit all the high points of my To Do List for today, so I can settle back and watch the Everton-West Ham United match while working on:

The Corpse in My Office, Chapter 12

Matzoh Do About Nuttin' (a holiday porn story)

Final Round (another Thursday Prompt story)

Upgrade to Freedom

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Mar 2
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

I woke up at 3:30 this morning, but didn't get out of bed until 4:30.

Expand full comment

Loser assmouth is playing the courts like a fiddle 🎻...

Just how the fuck does such a disgusting demented motherfucker aquire such power?

Expand full comment

I think that in the same way as he has just made overt the racism and fascism that had largely been disguised, he has just made overt the gaping chasms in the legal system that privilege the wealthy and powerful. That is, it's not just Trump who plays them like a fiddle, he's just made it painfully apparent. Maybe part of why McConnell despises him.

Expand full comment

Velshi, (on now) just ran through a list of assmouth's promises if once again, elected and it is scaring the crap out of me.

He would be Putin v 2.5.6.0.9 with a little Mussolini/ Hitler thrown in!

Expand full comment

Front for a conspiracy.

Expand full comment

It’s the one thing that asshole is good at.

Expand full comment

By being born to a rich monster. And then being mentored by another monster.

Expand full comment

It’s as mind boggling as it is infuriating.

Expand full comment

My ex-temporary housemate left behind his small refrigerator, his expensive Breville air fryer, his expensive Breville Barista expresso coffee machine and his huge set of Le Creuset cookware when he moved into the VA Patriot Place apartments 2 months ago. I've been asking him to come and pick them up ever since, but he never did, and now that he has been kicked out of Patriot Place for breaking the rules and is homeless as far as I know (his family don't know where he is), I set it all out on my back porch yesterday, all in boxes except for the fridge, and where it can't be seen from the street, and told him "Come and pick this stuff up by 7 pm on Friday, March 1 or it will all be donated to the Habitat Restore." It was all still sitting on my back porch at 10 pm.

His family says they don't want this stuff, so I have just called Habitat and they will pick it up this afternoon. I thought about selling it to recover some of the $500 I loaned him last year that I will never get back, but for some reason my Ethics Sensor kicked in and I decided to donate it all. I want nothing more to do with this guy, I don't even want money from selling his stuff, because he is a parasite and a lunatic and he poisons everyone he comes in contact with. I figure someone out there would be absolutely delighted to buy these things from Habitat for a huge discount, and I don't want the bother of selling things on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace right now, and Habitat needs the money more than I do. I've already wasted too many hours in my life over this guy and I don't want to invest one single hour more.

Expand full comment

You've done right by the guy. This is on him.

Expand full comment

You're a more honorable person than I am. Le Creuset? The Breville stuff?

Why yes, I do covet certain bourgeois trinkets. And those items are on the list.

Yes, it would be wrong to keep them for yourself. I probably would, though. Oh, sure; I'd feel bad about it. But not that bad.

Expand full comment

You don't know this guy, he truly is an evil parasite. I wouldn't want anything in my house that he ever touched because it would always remind me of him.

Expand full comment

OK, that'd take the greed/fun out of it for me, too. I get it.

But I would think about it for longer than feels decent.

Expand full comment

I thought about it for several weeks, but this tiny alarm bell kept going off in the back of my brain.

Expand full comment

Holding onto his stuff only maintains a link with him. You want him out of your life. If you save it for him sooner or later he will figure out a way to get back at you.

I used to know someone like this. It is all about the drama and the stress - for him and for you. That's how he connects with people.

Expand full comment

Wait what, you don’t want his Breville and Le Creuset stuff? That’s thousands of dollars of high-end kitchen stuff.

Expand full comment

I don't want one single thing in my house that would ever remind me of him. He is a truly evil person. It would be like having something in your house that Donald Trump handled on a daily basis. No way. It's a bad aura. I don't even want to sell it. By donating it to Habitat it erases the evil aura.

Expand full comment

It's making me itchy.

Expand full comment

It's just pretty stuff. I don't need or want any of it.

Expand full comment

I hear ya, but I sure would have been tempted to grab the dough!

Expand full comment

I'd have been tempted to keep the cookware. that stuff is nice.

Expand full comment

Yes, it's very nice, but I already have very nice cookware - a 50-yr-old set of Lustre Craft stainless steel cookware that is in pristine condition because I take very good care of it. My aunt bought it for her daughter's wedding 50 years ago, but the daughter didn't want it for some unknown reason, so Aunt kept it in her basement in the original boxes and gave it to me 30 years ago. I absolutely LOVE this cookware.

Expand full comment

Very nice! The original set of All-Clad I bought for myself almost 30 years ago (which happened as soon as I landed my first decent-paying job) is still with me, and it will most likely outlive me.

Expand full comment

I have Revere Ware from about then and it is my whole life.

Expand full comment

Love my Revere Ware.

Expand full comment

Just a thought for safety, have you changed your locks?

Expand full comment

Yes. I have keypad locks on 3 exterior doors, and the first thing I did after he moved out was delete all the codes and make a new one for myself.

Expand full comment

Very good.

Expand full comment

Celtic Kyrie Irving

Expand full comment

RE: Robyn’s piece on Texas Tech DB Tyler Owens dismissing “the planets and stuff”. Not the first sportsballers to spout this type of mindless piffle.

Former (temperament jackoff) Boston Celtic believe the world is flat. And he went to Duke.

Former Red Sox outfielder Carl Everett didn’t believe in dinosaurs because they weren’t mentioned in the Bible.

And let’s not get started on Kaaron Rodgers.

Robyn with a sportsball assignment. Bet she filled up her monster wineglass after that was done

Expand full comment