1193 Comments
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Matthew Hooper's avatar

I’m dealing with an extremely confused table. They wanted to make sure there was no cucumber in the pina colada. Ask me better questions than this.

Reader's avatar

Happy Birthday! 🎂🎶🪩

And somehow you put the word upstate before New York, unless there's a second Waldorf Astoria I don't know about, which is possible.

TerseNurse's avatar

my thought would be someone has a serious cucumber allergy and asks that question whenever they go out. but who knows.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

Nope. They just don’t like cucumber.

TerseNurse's avatar

Sounds annoying

Bagels of Doom's avatar

I'd give them some iced tea and insist it's from Long Island.

Wookiee Monster's avatar

Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Matthew Hooper's avatar

I like the pina coladas I make. I do like getting caught in the rain. I’m not a fan of botched attempts at infidelity.

Tom65's avatar

Never understood why they casually laughed that off.

Birb-General of the US's avatar

You probably already covered this, but why is there gin in the photo and description, but not in the recipe?

Matthew Hooper's avatar

Towpath sponsored the class, but I use the vodka for the everyday recipe.

Goin Green's avatar

That's what he was drinking when he came up with the recipe... kinda like a session guitarist... not part of the band, but instrumental in the success.

Stranger Than Friction's avatar

Happy birthday you young whippersnapper! I'm almost old enough to babysit you 50 years ago. Please write that cocktail book. I WILL BUY IT.

lotsacatsndogs's avatar

Why is brine from a jar of olives unsanitary? Have used it in all my dirty martinis 😬.

Majordomo Billy Bojangles's avatar

As a bartender I have many times dug out a martini olive or two with a spoon that was rinsed and wiped clean, but not fresh from the dishwasher. Given those spoons never touched anything too much less than 40 proof, the risk of contagion was low but still maybe not as sanitary as was possible. I had a chat with the owner about it at one point and was offered some dollar store plastic spoons as an alternative.

I declined to add plasticizer to my drinks. The little cocktail olives we had in a serving tray next to the cherries were pretty much awful though I'd freely hand them out if someone wanted a few. The one time I experimented with vermouth infused olives some oaf complained about a funny taste in his martini, it turned out he'd never actually had a martini made with anything but gin and a couple of olives. I comped that drink and gave him about three ounces of Beefeater and two olives straight from the jar and didn't hear another peep out of him all night.

Given the amount of salt in olive brine I have a hard time believing anything interesting could grow in there, still, technically not sanitary.

lotsacatsndogs's avatar

So a jar of olives I just opened at home should be fine, it sounds like. As long as no one shoves in a dirty spoon. Thanks!!

Majordomo Billy Bojangles's avatar

Should be, and that's the way I do it at home. After 50 years of that, nobody has managed to get ill.

Public eating and drinking establishments have far more strict sanitation rules, and during my time behind the bar I probably broke most of them.

Hooper and other real bartenders play by a different set of rules that can get painful or costly if you get caught breaking them. Me, I was just a college chem major making a little cash over a couple of summers in a rural bar in flyover country. Customer expectations were low and we managed to meet them most of the time, but a high class establishment we weren't.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

This, pretty much. Multiple fingers in the olive jar and temperature abuse are the main suspects.

pskbh's avatar

My RIP ex approved of the martinis (gin,of course) I made for him. My fingers didn't go into the jar. The drops of brine on the tip of the stainless spoon and olive were just right for him. Three or four drops of cold vermouth and a twist and he was a happy man.

Jeff, still got my guitar's avatar

Great to see you in action Hoop! They have no idea who they're talking to!

Uncle Betamax's avatar

You aren't allowed to eat them whole. That's just good etiquette.

Majordomo Billy Bojangles's avatar

I think you can assure them with all sincerity that there will be no cucumber in the pina colada.

Nor would there be any rhubarb in the old fashioned.

And the mojitos will remain free of rutabaga.

Have these people never had a drink before?

Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

Mmmmm, rhubarb old fashioned. And I've got some of the finest organic Rhubarb in the county growing out back.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

Rhubarb syrup old fashioned. Yum.

Majordomo Billy Bojangles's avatar

Sounds yummy. Try it and let us know what you think.

Make sure you don't use any of the leaves for garnish, those things are loaded with oxalic acid.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

I’m not at all sure.

Queen Méabh's avatar

Maybe they are cats in humanoid disguises. (Cats are supposed to hate cucumbers)

goCatgo's avatar

I can see that. A good, crisp pickle is fine. Cucumbers no.

Smoke O'Possum's avatar

Yes, it's vegan and gluten free.

Queen Méabh's avatar

And has almost zero calories, which you use up eating it.

Uncle Betamax's avatar

I mean, I'd want to make sure of that too. Cucumber is the ring wraith of vegetables. It makes anything it touches like itself, undead.

Craig Nixon's avatar

The seedless ones are the jam tho.

Smoke O'Possum's avatar

You can never be too careful.

Apollyon Danish's avatar

Great . . . now I'm trying to remember the name of the young lady in the PETA ads that used to appear on this here Wonkette, always with her cucumber. Or was it a zucchini?

Oy!'s avatar

"Trump says 'I have no interest in' Kennedy Center after judge orders his name removed from memorial"

.

Ha ha . . . a pouty Trump has no interest in the toys he has broken. Someone change his diaper

"Six-and-a-half hours after Donald Trump put the world on notice that he was entering the White House Situation Room to make his “final determination” on whether or not there is peace in Iran, the president finally returned to social media to post a 578-word statement on an entirely different matter: his rage at the federal judge who ruled that his name has to be removed from the Kennedy Center."

.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2026/may/29/donald-trump-pam-bondi-jeffrey-epstein-iran-redistricting-latest-news-updates#top-of-blog

3FingerPete's avatar

Robert Redford movie Sneakers is now with Amazon Prime. Very entertaining with a great cast.

Innocent_Bystander's avatar

And OMG don't you just feel the mostest empathies and compassions EVER for that poor troll lady that follows PAB around, printing and handing him "good" internet stuff that makes him look (and feel!) good?

No? Me either. Hope that psycho is crying over her mini printer.

theCryptofishist's avatar

I have Greenland Whale Fisheries running through my head, brave boys.

TerseNurse's avatar

And we did not catch that whale.

theCryptofishist's avatar

I still have a job. ... mixed feelings...

abbienormal's avatar

Same here. Lots of uncertainty after our university president resigned in a huff. He has been cutting our salaries with planned future cuts expected to be much worse. So, good riddance but the next administration could be much worse.

Jeff, still got my guitar's avatar

I'm still retired, all good feelings!

AJ Milne's avatar

Restless night. Cold, high winds. Seated near a window in the wine bar, watching the tree branches bend. My son says he will join me soon.

I like this sort of weather. Expecting a possibly somewhat uncomfortable summer for me, heat requiring I am careful when I attempt serious exercise.

I know most of the rest of the city are possibly a little bit in shock from this late blast of cold, but I’ll take it.

Stanta Knows's avatar

"Lead federal prosecutor in James Comey seashells photo case steps aside"

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/lead-federal-prosecutor-james-comey-seashells-photo-case-steps-rcna345342?link_source=ta_bluesky_link&taid=6a1a1f91c849680001ccda82

Petracca also dropped off of other criminal cases in the Eastern District of North Carolina in recent days, according to court filings.

Oy!'s avatar

Petracca was used, abused and then remembered that he was not born to be a Trump Licker.

theCryptofishist's avatar

How much malicious compliance do you think is going on in the Department of Justice?

Euripides Pants's avatar

All that the law will allow.

Jeff, still got my guitar's avatar

The worm is turning, it had to. Things were gettin' outta hand if you ask me!

MRK's avatar

Apparently, they want military members to be at that UFC White House event, but they're not willing to pay, and they can't be people Hegseth doesn't want to look at.

https://www.avclub.com/pentagon-ufc-white-house-event-requirements

theCryptofishist's avatar

I read half the first 'graph before giving up in disgust!

BillEGoatSmile's avatar

Yep. "No fatties, no Blacks, no Latinos, no wimminz', no beard-wearers, no disabled [even if we made them that way].

Oh, and you'll be paying your own way for tickets and accomodations.

Also, we're keeping track of who's signing up or not.

JanuaryClaire's avatar

Affluent and fit warfighters only!!

Cajun Kid's avatar

Oh, hey, apparently Jeffrey Landry signed the new Louisiana congressional district map into law today. He signed it only a few scant hours after final passage by the legislature today. I guess he couldn't possibly wait until Monday...

SterWonk's avatar

Well, he has to un-pause the primary that he interrupted… 🤬

LoathsomeCowboy's avatar

Circle Jerks singer Keith Morris at their Las Vegas show confronting disruptive Trump supporters in the crowd "Do you fucking understand our fucking lyrics? Do you fucking understand I think Donald Trump is the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the face of the Earth?"

https://bsky.app/profile/iwillnotbesilenced.bsky.social/post/3mmxftrw4522g

Tom65's avatar

Same people who think "Born In The USA" is a patriotic rah-rah song.

Oy!'s avatar

Are the Circle Jerks going to perform at Trump's 250th Fap Festival? 😃

ManchuCandidate's avatar

It's going to be a circle jerk.

Uncle Milburn's avatar

Narrator: No, no they don't.

jaspersdad's avatar

A bazillion people have seen the tweet.

Not one person is arguing Stephen Miller isn’t an ugly fuck.

theCryptofishist's avatar

Was Mrs Miller really bitching at that other woman about marriage after running off with Musk for however long?

Tom65's avatar

Streisand Effect in full bloom.

Uncle Milburn's avatar

Fuck it! We'll do it live.

WonkZoom.com

Eva, Iron Goddess of Mercy's avatar

I knew Lara T would end up performing!!!

BillEGoatSmile's avatar

*snortlaughs*

WHAR Ka$h's 'girlfriend' though?

Hops: grrrr mad's avatar

LOLOLOLOLOLOL and LOL.

Jeff, still got my guitar's avatar

Tom Petty's estate has issued a cease and desist letter already.

TheHeroOfCanton's avatar

Tonight in Aussie rules footy, we have the contending Sydney Swans most likely putting the smackdown on the cellar-dwelling Richmond Tigers.

Then there's two-time defending champion Brisbane Lions, who got absolutely destroyed by the GWS Giants last week, going up against first-place Fremantle. This gonna be good.

After that, the #10 Collingwood Magpies battle the always-tough #9 Western Bulldogs. Go, Pies!

If you get Fox Sports 2, Brisbane/GWS is on at 2 am, and Collingwood/Western is at 5 am, so y'might wanna do as I once did--set your DVRs. As always, check your local listings to be sure.