2698 Comments
User's avatar
Matthew Hooper's avatar

I’m dealing with an extremely confused table. They wanted to make sure there was no cucumber in the pina colada. Ask me better questions than this.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

What? Not to be used is my homemade Cream of Cucumber in pina colada to make?

CRUSHED! I am!

Yrs,

Yoda

Jedi Acres Retirement Community

Carlillvs's avatar

A Pimm's Colada.

Shocktreatment's avatar

"Waaaat entirely do you mean, "no cucumber in the pina colada"! 𝘏𝘰𝘸 can anyone call a drink with no cucumber a pina colada? 𝘏𝘰𝘸?...

"Oh wait! I was thinking of something else, nevermind!"

People...

Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

I can't blame them. I hate having rutabagas in my Old-Fashioned.

Maureen's avatar

I admire your taste.

Menotsure's avatar

That would be a pepino colada.

swmnguy's avatar

People and their food preferences have made it all weird for people who really have food allergies.

I know somebody who is very allergic to cucumber, so they ask all the time, whether it makes any sense or not. It's dangerous for them to eat whatever it is in cucumbers so better to make a joke out of it than to get sick.

And of course I know lots of people who don't like onions who say they're allergic because they don't think servers will take their preference seriously. Then there's the whole gluten thing. I know someone who has celiac so severely he'll bleed to death if he gets much gluten. But I know far more people who saw a thing of Facebook and have now decided they're gluten intolerant, or gluten-questioning; maybe gluten-curious? Or gluten-bigoted? I don't know. What I do know is they're full of shit.

I mean fine, eat or don't eat whatever you like. You're the one doing the ordering and eating and you should get what you want. But puh-leeeze, when having a screwed up digestive system is some kind of marker of individuality and virtue; fine, whatever, but I am going to roll my eyes and think of the people I know for whom it's real, and serious.

Snowolf100's avatar

I just think adding in cucumber to pineapple, rum and coconut is weird and the poor ladies have come across either a bar or somewhere who have done it.

Also people shouldn't have to give their personal medical information to get adaptations or things like straws or food changed to how they want.

edit: Do you really think being intolerant to certain foods is bullshit? That its a binary that either you are ok eating them or having bloody diarrhea? Ok eating them or having life threatening anaphylaxis needing an epi pen?

swmnguy's avatar

No. Nothing you're claiming I said is at all what I said. It's right there in print for people to read.

Snowolf100's avatar

I don't know if you meant to respond to someone else as all I posted was that there are recipes out there that do actually include cucumber in pina colada's.

You're right it is in your writing.

"But I know far more people who saw a thing of Facebook and have now decided they're gluten intolerant, or gluten-questioning; maybe gluten-curious? Or gluten-bigoted? I don't know. What I do know is they're full of shit."

So people who may or may not be gluten intolerant are full of shit?

I was just wondering what that had to do with pina colada recipes that contain cucumber?

tehbaddr's avatar

You call that filthy? It has no panty squeezings!

TheGreatAndPowerfulMormos!'s avatar

They're just not into health food.

Opalescent Riddles's avatar

Were they caught in the rain?

ciaobella's avatar

This looks like a great cocktail, but is it blasphemy to skip the vermouth entirely?

Matthew Hooper's avatar

There is no vermouth in this cocktail. But in a standard martini, yes, it is blasphemy.

Nigel R. Toppinglift, III's avatar

It’s a standard question asked in the finer restaurants of Upper Volta.

Thalia Is Not Amused's avatar

Would Dirty Sue olive brine work? It's my favorite filthy martini addition, probably because I used to work with the creator of it, ET Tecosky, one of the coolest bartenders I've ever known (besides you, of course!) Thank you for sharing this recipe, can't wait to try it!

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

[wracks brain for better question]

How much should we tip the bartender if we ever go into a bar?

Shocktreatment's avatar

"Tip the people providing you service as though your evening depends on them"

Had an uncle who was a hotelier...

Matthew Hooper's avatar

20% minimum. Never less than $2. I bust my tail for 25%.

𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

And I assume more if you’re getting a fancy drink?

Matthew Hooper's avatar

If you’ve been served a fancy drink that makes you day better, that tastes like something you asked for, by someone who smiled and made your day better, yes.

Lil Snot's avatar

A) if we can't use the brine from the olive jar, what do you suggest? What if I shake the olive jar first?

II) I'm thinking castelvetrano stuffed with gorgonzola...overkill?

3) 55 is nothing, my precious bobolink!

Maureen's avatar

When I read Hooper's recipe, my first thought for the garnish was castelvetrano - they are so rich-tasting.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

A) Use a bottled olive brine, such as Stirrings.

B) Great for a garnish. But don’t muddle a stuffed olive.

DirtDogEmeritus's avatar

I have prepared a version of your June 2023 Sangria recipe for a gathering tomorrow. I have 1.5 l of red moscato, 375 ml of brandy, orange and lemon slices, and apple chunks. It has had two hours to merge so far, but a taste test seemed a little bland. Would you recommend more alcohol (I have vodka and white rum available, but nothing else cheap enough to put in a sangria) or something sparkling like seltzer, or some sweetener like simple syrup? Thanks very much if you get time to think about this.

Matthew Hooper's avatar

Simple syrup. Definitely no seltzer. Add some lemon juice if needed.

DirtDogEmeritus's avatar

Simple syrup helped a lot, and I used lemon slices to garnish the glasses so they got a touch of that as well. Thank you very much for your help.

Michelle Richmond's avatar

Olive oil and sea salt! I never knew. I live a dirty martini but this dirtier martini sounds even better.

The Mighty Ox's avatar

What are your thoughts on making dirty martinis with Bread 'N Butter pickle juice?

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

Last couple of days of holiday in Cornwall.

Still as beautiful as the last time I was here a couple of decades ago.

And a shady spot to sit, with a sea view a pint of cider and some salt and vinegar crisps (that taste the way they are supposed to).

Its a hard life.

R. Riddle's avatar

We seem to have reached a turning point where the organizers for a Trump taint-licking event have to be obtuse and not mention his name and performers who might participate because they're "non-political" are seeing any association with Trump or the administration as a career-killer.

Trump and the Republicans have become stinky rotted leftovers everyone is rushing to throw in the trash out back before the neighbors come over for a visit.

"“We can’t just have Kid Rock every day [of the state fair],” a Trump appointee told Zeteo, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “It’s a little f------ embarrassing when you can’t hold on to Bret Michaels… But we’re confident we’ll get a good line-up.”

...An entertainment industry insider, also speaking on the condition of anonymity, told Zeteo that when reaching out to artists for the event, Freedom 250 “seemed almost purposefully vague at times, with Donald Trump’s name not being used once.”

“I should have done my research,” the insider told Zeteo.

According to multiple other sources, also all speaking on the condition of anonymity, most of those working on behalf of the artists booked for the event weren’t aware of what Freedom 250 even was, or its connection to Trump.

The Trump administration’s search for replacement acts may prove difficult, however, based on the feedback from one “well-connected Hollywood agent” who spoke with Zeteo on the condition of anonymity.

“I don’t think most of my clients even need me to tell them this, but I would tell [them]: If someone approaches you about performing at Trump’s state fair, flush that invitation down the toilet if you know what’s good for your career,” the agent told Zeteo."

Trump admin panics in fair talent search as artists bail: ‘We can’t just have Kid Rock’

https://www.rawstory.com/freedom-250-2676976282/

Stulexington's avatar

“I don’t think most of my clients even need me to tell them this, but I would tell [them]: If someone approaches you about performing at Trump’s state fair, flush that invitation down the toilet if you know what’s good for your career,” the agent told Zeteo."

It's sad that publicly ripping up the invitation on Twitter gets you more clout than performing for the President of the United States in a gala held at the White House.

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

Scott Dworkin

‪@dworkin.bsky.social

Eight massive regime defeats in seven days. Read them: 👇

https://bsky.app/profile/dworkin.bsky.social/post/3mn3av2xcas2y

ciaobella's avatar

Once-Adventurous Salmon Can’t Believe She Ended Up Moving Back To Birthplace, Having A Bunch Of Kids

https://theonion.com/once-adventurous-salmon-can-t-believe-she-ended-up-movi-1825827223/

Schmannity's avatar

FAR-RIGHT FLORIDA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE James Fishback tried his boldest campaign gambit yet on Saturday: getting married in a Catholic church to a mystery woman he met just a few months ago.

By Wednesday, the honeymoon already appeared to be over. At a press conference, Fishback urged his new wife to take the stage to answer questions, saying he expected one about her perfume. But when he realized instead that the question was about education policy, he told his bride to step away.

“Stand there and look good,” Fishback said, nudging his wife to back off. Who says romance is dead?

https://www.thebulwark.com/p/james-fishback-florida-governor-candidate-very-weird-groyper-wedding

EyeQueue's avatar

And the little soft-minded bint did as she was told, I'm assuming.

Rosy red ASS's avatar

Jeez, why are there so many fucking assholes out there????

Schmannity's avatar

Florida attracts like a shit magnet

Rosy red ASS's avatar

Unfortunately it's not just Florida.....

Holly - Lima Charlie's avatar

Here's something I didn't know. Yesterday marked JFK's 109th birthday. It would appear the ruling to take his fucking name off the Kennedy Center happened on JFK's birthday. Seems more than a little suspect of the judge to send the ruling down yesterday. As it would happen there were protesters at the Kennedy Center to honor his birthday and to protest the fucks name on the building. When the ruling came down the protest turned into a party with an impromptu reading of the ruling which sent the party into overdrive. I really wish I could have been there to see that. I'm sure there are video's out there. Now I need to go find them. See ya later and hopefully with celebration video(s).

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Sad. Weak. Poop.

𝗛𝘂𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽’𝘀 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗨𝗙𝗖 𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱

Donald Trump has to pay people to hang out with him on his birthday.

https://newrepublic.com/post/211140/donald-trump-paying-troops-audience-birthday-ufc?utm_campaign=SF_TNR&utm_source=Bluesky&utm_medium=social

Schmannity's avatar

Joan Rivers: My parents would hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me

TerseNurse's avatar

The little tidbit, where they want junior enlisted personnel of certain height/weight specs, but are making them pay their own travel and lodging expenses... amazing.

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

Dude believes he owns us.

EyeQueue's avatar

And they will still show up.

SkeptiKC's avatar

The Fetid Fascist could offer to fly me 1st class to DC and put me up in THE most posh digs available for this "event" and I would still flatly refuse.

HELL no.

ManchuCandidate's avatar

You could try to pay me 1.776 billion quatloos and I'd still say no.

EyeQueue's avatar

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

She can’t help herself. The only cat I’ve ever had, and I’ve had many, who likes belly rubs.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

It's a lottery.

Win a few, lose a lot.

NatalyaResists's avatar

Her tummy is floof.

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

All our cats do, but that is cause hubby trains em right off the bat to accept them.

Mei, however, will only accept them so far. If you go over that line, you get the bear trap

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

Breaking: The white house is allegedly reaching out to every musical act that exists in an open invitation to be True Patriots and Play at Trump's Personal Taxpayer funded birthday bash and oh yeah, some 250th American shit.

Reports are that Willie Nelson totally would like to do the 250th Trump Birthday party, but he has to wash his hair that day. Up with People are, reportedly, not down with that. Steven Tyler, the lead singer from Aerosmith, reportedly responded with "NAAA NAAA Dude is fucking Shady"

And now, sport

Hamilton & The Crew TEAM ALGAE's avatar

So we are going to have to endure Scott Baio playing a broken water whistle in his underwear again? I'll pass.

R. Riddle's avatar

Considering all the musicians and groups that Trump has screwed over through his policies, his constant insults, using music without permission, or outright stiffing, there are few top, medium, or bottom rung acts left that will give him and his toadies the time of day.

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

I just do not understand why they did not get their loyalists. They will draw a maga crowd! They will not turn it down! Why pick people who are all like er no thanks when you got people you KNOW for a fact will show?

R. Riddle's avatar

They're trying sooo hard to make it not look like a Trump taint-licking concert.

EyeQueue's avatar

Their loyalists aren't good enough.

They want *real* artists. None of that just MAGA shit "music."

Martin Shobe's avatar

Trump has to believe that they want to be there. It's part of his narcissism.

Rosy red ASS's avatar

I know, where's Kid Rock?

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

Nooge. Nikki (or has she jumped back off that train?) Ye? There's names! They won't say no!

Feels like a set up to me just to whine about woke and take the story off Iran for a minute

Dina's avatar

What about that up-and-coming musical sensation Lara Trump!? 😅

R. Riddle's avatar

Imploding, just like everything else in the administration.

Trump’s moon mission at risk after huge rocket explosion

"A devastating rocket explosion in Florida threatens to delay President Donald Trump’s grand vision to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2028 and build a lunar base.

One of the rockets NASA was relying on to get to the moon exploded on its launchpad Thursday night — a huge setback for Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos’ space company, as it aims to challenge Elon Musk’s SpaceX and build a rocket that can ferry cargo and humans into orbit and beyond.

The destruction at Cape Canaveral — and the resulting damage to the company’s only launchpad — will likely require months of extensive repairs. Blue Origin was set to launch a key moon mission on its New Glenn rocket this year that will now almost surely be delayed. NASA is trying to build a moon base on Trump’s expedited timeline and beat China to the lunar surface, and this setback could undermine that effort."

https://www.politico.com/news/2026/05/29/nasa-blue-origin-trump-moon-base-delay-00943139

Schmannity's avatar

So, we're still stuck with Gingrich??

EyeQueue's avatar

Boo hoo hootie hoo hoo.

That's what these fuckers get for gutting NASA and handing it over to private enterprise, basically.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Trump had it blown up as a warning to Iran not to......hold on a second, let me check my notes.....my mistake......he had it blown up to warn Canada and China not to.......wait a second, that don't sound right either.....dammit, give me a minute.......OK, this sounds about right.......He had it blown up as a warning to Cuba to give up Raul Castro to JD Vance when he visits next month........FUCK! That definitely isn't right! He hates JD! Let me get back to you when I got my facts straightened out. The only part I definitely got right is that Trump had it blown up.

EyeQueue's avatar

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is our life now.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

......waitasec! Don't go yet! This one sounds right.......OH!..... no it doesn't ..........

ManchuCandidate's avatar

From what I've read (on Gizmodo) that both Blue Origin and Space X have been skirting safety rules in the desperate rush to see who's got a bigger space dick?

Apparently, the Blue Origin guys pretty much had their fingers crossed hoping the rocket wouldn't blow up while carrying "ass-tro-not" Jeff Bozos and his brother among others in his Space Dildo's maiden man rated flight because of all the safety checks they bypassed.

You'd figure that Bozos and Sukm would remember the horror of roasting the crew of Apollo 1 and how compromising safety killed them in the chase for glory.

EyeQueue's avatar

You can't trust these fucks further than you can fling them.

We need NASA back. Get rid of these shady private contractors what cut safety to get $$$$$$$.

They are fucking SOCIOPATHS!

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Wait, people thought this was serious? The moon base thing? Really? From this administration? They can’t even manage to paint a pool.

ManchuCandidate's avatar

Moon Base D'erpha. Imagine Trump in one of those Space 1999 S1 uniforms. Could he even put one on?

Rosy red ASS's avatar

no...I don't even want to imagine that!

Bobathonic, Dingus Crusher's avatar

He should wear a purple nylon wig.

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

see, this would be a good use for the A1

"Trump in a space 1999 S1 uniform with a purple nylon wig, crying in a pile of debris because no one wants to play at his birthday party"

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Cowards. All of them are cowards.

https://bsky.app/profile/taliajane.bsky.social/post/3mn2c3l72222m

Protestors finally caught on to Cam Higby openly boasting about getting them doxxed & hit with federal charges. Supposedly stole his phone, busted his mics.

Crowd pressed him *& his armed security* off the block. He & fellow propagandist Nick Sortor were taken behind DHS lines.

via Mercado Media

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

He & fellow propagandist Nick Sortor were taken behind DHS lines.

So...DHS knew who they were and what they were there for.

Oh nothing, just the government using private citizens to further fascist goals.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

I'm betting some interesting browser history on that phone. Just sayin'

Lumpy Tapioca's avatar

Trump is reported to be closely managing his erection on the White House Lawn.

He says it's the one thing he does best, and has managing public erections like this all his life.

SkeptiKC's avatar

It is a thoroughly obscene insult to the very Constitution the fat, fetid fascist is SUPPOSED to protect and defend, NOT manipulate and exploit.

NEVER in my more than six decades have I hated ANYONE with the fierce, all-consuming intensity that I loathe and thoroughly DESPISE the Depraved Despot.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

He loves big, strong, oiled men.

TerseNurse's avatar

I would wager just about anything that Trump has not had a real actual erection in over a decade.

Spleen Victoria's avatar

How could you even tell with that baby carrot?

Rosy red ASS's avatar

If it lasts more than 4 hours.......

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

according to stormy it is less than 3 seconds

Zonath of Ur's avatar

Gonna be UFC fighters on top of his erection all day long so he wants to make sure it holds up.

Hamilton & The Crew TEAM ALGAE's avatar

I heard that Trump has a team of taxidermists on hand to manage his erections.

Taxidermists with microscopes.

Martin Shobe's avatar

I will never look at stuffed mushrooms the same ever again.

It's a reflecting Jen!'s avatar

To be fair, he never really did do phrasing