Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Filthiest Martini Ever!

Some folks like it dirty.

Class is in session.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I turned 55 on Wednesday. You know how it sucks to work through your birthday? Yeah, that was totally not me this week. I sincerely, absolutely, love my job. And to make it even better, I spent the day teaching tableside classes on The Filthiest Martini Ever, one of the most popular sellers at Hemingway’s. I’m happy to share my class notes with you. Let’s get down and dirty.

Filthiest Martini Ever

2 ½ oz Luksusowa vodka

1 oz olive brine

2 pitted green olives

Pinch smoked sea salt

Extra virgin olive oil

Stuffed olive (for garnish)

Add the vodka and olive brine to a cocktail shaker. Gently muddle the green olives. Add the sea salt. Shake and double-strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and a stuffed olive.

When I started working at Hemingway’s, I deliberately chose to create some cocktails that were familiar, but just a little bit better than anything else in town. The Ranger, my take on the Old Fashioned, was one of those drinks. This was another intentional crowd pleaser. Everyone knows what a dirty martini is, but this version attacks the idea of “dirty” from multiple angles. Olive brine and vodka in a glass weren’t going to cut it if we wanted repeat customers. This iteration on the classic keeps them coming back.

For the class, I used a classic American gin from Towpath Distillery, a sponsor for the event. A classic juniper-forward gin can cut through the brine and olive to bring some crispness to the cocktail. Behind the bar, I use Luksusowa vodka, a potato-based vodka that adds earthiness and body to the drink. Use whatever spirit you like. I have used an extra-virgin olive oil-infused vodka for a version of this drink in the past, but that infusion carries a bitter finish I can’t quite get rid of. I tried the dirty martini at another very respectable local bar before writing this. They used EVOO-infused vodka. They hadn’t figured out how to kill the bitter finish, either. I felt disappointed, but smug.

We use a commercially jarred olive brine for this cocktail. In the earliest days of my bartending career, I had a customer who insisted on a specific brand of brine for his martinis. He was far, far too picky. Most jarred brines are the same. Use what you like.

The original 1901 recipe used muddled olives. John O’Connor is credited with creating the first dirty martini at the Waldorf Astoria in upstate New York. When I took the recipe back to its roots, I discovered that the muddled olives provided a huge boost to the cocktail’s umami flavor. Umami is a slightly mysterious fifth flavor, more of a texture than a taste. Beef broth, soy sauce, and MSG are all rich in umami. I’ve long held that the dirty martini isn’t really about saltiness or olive flavor; it’s the rich mouthfeel that makes this drink a natural with shrimp cocktails or prime rib.

A pinch of smoked sea salt adds some smokiness and extra brininess to the drink. Last, but not least, the extra-virgin olive oil provides sweetness, extra olive flavor, and even more umami. I had a blast talking about the drink all through this week. It was the best birthday present ever.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Hooper Your Bartender hard at work. I love my job.

Vodka: Tito’s is a really popular vodka in the suburbs. (Someone in my Instagram feed described it as “Hennessy for white people.” No comment.) It’s not my vodka of choice in this drink. Tito’s is light and sweet, which runs counter to the rest of the cocktail’s flavor profile. Stick with something a little more grounded.

Olive Brine: Don’t tip the olive jar and use the brine from your olives. Professionally speaking, it’s unsanitary. It also makes for an inconsistent cocktail – the juice from the bottom of the jar will be murkier than the stuff at the top.

Muddled Olives: I’m not picky about the type of olives here. Kalamata would make a weird-looking drink, and probably taste too bitter. But feel free to experiment and report back.

Sea Salt: Use regular sea salt if smoked salt is too pricey. Don’t use Morton’s. This drink doesn’t need the iodine, and neither do you if you’re eating healthy.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil: The nicer the oil, the better the drink. Use what you love.

Stuffed Olive: Traditionally, an olive stuffed with bleu cheese garnishes a dirty martini. At Hemingway’s, I use an olive with feta (we’re Greek at Hemingway’s).

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by, and I’ll make a drink for you… or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette. We’ll make it through this together.

OPEN THREAD!