Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Chocolate Martini!

All new and improved!

The drink is better. The light for photography at Hemingway’s is not.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I’ve been reviewing some of the articles that I wrote as a baby bartender years ago. Some of them are … not great. Some of those Thanksgiving reruns we published aren’t my favorite in retrospect. Time to tackle a classic dessert cocktail and freshen up the leftovers. Let’s make a classic Chocolate Martini. Here’s my updated recipe:

Chocolate Martini

1 ½ oz Pinnacle Whipped Cream vodka

1 ½ oz cream

1 oz creme de cacao

½ oz Grind coffee liquor (or flavored liquor of your choice)

Big squirt Hershey’s chocolate syrup

Squirt a ribbon of chocolate syrup on the inside of the martini glass. Use a cocktail pick to draw a zig-zag pattern across the ribbon. Shake all ingredients and double-strain into the martini glass. Garnish with cocoa powder or chocolate shavings.

True confession: This is not my favorite kind of cocktail. I love complex, spirit-forward drinks. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. This cocktail is dessert in a glass, chocolate milk for grown-ups. But customers do love this sort of thing, so I try to make the best version of this drink I can every time.

The chocolate martini might not pass muster as a “serious” drink in my eyes, but it’s definitely a drink with a pedigree. According to legend, Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson invented the drink while filming the movie Giant. Ms. Taylor and Mr. Hudson lived on the same block in Marfa, Texas, during filming, and, well, there wasn’t much to do for entertainment in Marfa. Ms. Taylor and Mr. Hudson also invented calling in sick to work after drinking too many chocolate martinis the night before. The Texas heat probably didn’t make the next morning any easier. A few cocktail killjoys doubt that Liz and Rock really invented the drink, but I prefer the legend to the “truth.” It’s not hard to add chocolate to booze, but leave it to Old Hollywood royalty to transform it all into a martini.

The ½ ounce of coffee liquor is the magic space in any chocolate martini. I like chocolate and coffee together, so I’d ride with this “mocha martini” variation. But you can swap just about any flavored booze for the coffee and get away with it. Bailey’s is the natural choice here, but think outside the box. Our standard chocolate martini at Hemingway’s uses Chambord; the raspberry and chocolate makes for a decadent chocolate experience. Peanut butter whiskey or creme de banana would also slot in well here. This spot in the recipe is where you can let your creativity shine.

Come to think of it, the big squirt of Hershey’s is what really makes this drink a “chocolate” martini. The creme de cacao adds sweetness and body, but doesn’t really read as “chocolate” in a drink. I’ve used a big squirt of caramel sauce to make a salted caramel martini using this template. Raspberry dessert sauce doesn’t taste like much, but raspberry coulis would be fantastic. A big glop of cherry syrup from the Luxardo cherry jar would be great here as well. Take a little time and use this recipe as a starting point for your favorite decadent, boozy treat. There are no rules, only guidelines.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. And one of my best New York sours ever in the background.

Pinnacle Whipped Cream Vodka: Any vanilla vodka is going to have a ton of sugar, but “too sweet” isn’t really a thing for this cocktail. Whipped cream tends to be creamier and more interesting than straight vanilla vodka, but use what you like.

Cream: No substitutes. Yes, it’s a lot of calories, but skinny chocolate martinis are just … no. Don’t.

Creme de cacao: Get the clear stuff from the liquor store, not the artificially brown junk, and get the best brand that you can find. Gifford is the gold standard here, but odds are good you won’t be able to get better than Paramount or DeKuyper. Creme de cacao adds body and sweetness to all sorts of drinks; it’s not particularly cocoa-centric. A quarter ounce or so creeps into all sorts of cocktails; it’s a handy addition to the liquor cabinet.

Grind coffee liquor: If imagination fails, use Mozart chocolate liquor here. Godiva hasn’t made booze in years; the company suffered a drastic retraction during COVID and barely has a presence in the US anymore. Mozart has stepped into the gap as the best source for chocolate creme liquors.

Hershey’s syrup: Use better than Hershey’s if you can find it. I’d lean towards Hershey’s Special Dark in a pinch. A decadent chocolate martini should look like a candy bar in a glass.

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by and I’ll make a drink for you … or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette.

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