Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, King's Square Spritz!

Something tropical-minded for a winter that won't let go.

It’s our Mardi Gras tree, I swear.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. We’re buried under a ton of snow here in Ohio. I wanted to make something tropical and refreshing, but I’ve poured a ton of rum for this column over the years. Let’s try something that locals might try after working at the beach cantina all day. Let’s make a King’s Square Spritz. Here’s the recipe.

King’s Square Spritz

2 oz coconut water

1 ½ oz Johnny Walker Black

½ oz pineapple juice

1 barspoon lemon curd

Fevertree Lime Yuzu Soda

Shake well and strain all ingredients into a highball glass. Top with soda. Garnish with a lime wedge.

Scotch is surprisingly popular in the Caribbean as a locals-only sort of drink. Scotch and coconut water are an offering you’ll find in bars a few blocks away from the beach, where the bartenders and hotel clerks go to drink. Scotch isn’t something I associate with warm-weather fare, but once I tried it, the drink grew on me. The rich, sweet heaviness of the coconut water tames the iodine and smoke of a peaty Scotch, smothering any iodine harshness and turning the smoke into a mellow, lingering affair. A peaty Scotch can smack you in the face like a drag on an unfiltered cigarette. The coconut water transforms that smokiness into a long, relaxed session with a quality cigar.

On the islands, Scotch and coconut water is a DIY affair — your waiter brings a shot of Scotch, a bottle of fresh coconut water, and lets you mix your own poison. Really fresh coconut water is best, but in Ohio, that’s not likely to happen. It is definitely a match made in heaven. Drinking Scotch and coconut water makes me feel like I’m on the patio of an island bar, tucked away from the crowds, waiting for a plate of jerk chicken wings to be dropped off at the table. It won’t replace my beloved rum as a top-5 favorite, but it sure does hit the spot.

I could have stopped with “Scotch. Coconut Water. Go drink some.” But I wanted to fiddle with the basics here just a little bit more, to see if I could gild the lily. Lemon curd has been on my radar as a cocktail ingredient for a while now. It’s basically a sweet lemon butter sauce, emulsified into a creamy goodness I’ll happily eat with a spoon straight from the jar. When I went to LBM, another great Cleveland craft bar, I was served a tequila-and-lemon-curd cocktail that knocked my socks off. Lemon curd has a way of taming harsh iodine notes and strong flavors in a drink. A spoonful in this glass made for a deeply rich, smoky experience that I rapidly fell in love with.

The cocktail still needed some acid to give it loft, and it absolutely demanded some dilution for balance. A touch of pineapple juice helped immensely. Lynette Marrero, a world-class mixologist, used Fevertree’s Lime and Yuzu soda in her Vintage Coco cocktail. Fevertree can be hit or miss on some of its sodas, but this pop was perfect for the application — not too sweet and redolent with exotic citrus. A good, hard shake gave this cocktail a head worthy of an egg cream, making it stand out as an exotic sipper worth your time.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Ingredient shot. A little weird, but damned if they don’t all work.

Johnny Walker Black: A little pricey, but honestly, the minimum I’ll accept when it comes to decent Scotch. You want something with some smoke to make this work. I’m planning to circle back and try this with a beefy Islay Scotch like Ardbeg in the future. Balvenie 14 Year Caribbean Flask is also high on my list of spirits to try in this cocktail.

Coconut Water: The fresher, the better. Use what you can. Dream of warmer climates.

Lemon Curd: If you want to make your own from scratch, please do so. I’m using a jarred version that’s still very tasty. You’ll need to give the cocktail a long, hard shake to fully dissolve the curd and build a big head of foam.

Pineapple juice: I always use the small cans from Dole. Fresh pineapple juice is too acidic.

Fevertree Lime and Yuzu Soda: A bitter lemon or lime soda will do in a pinch. Sprite will be cloyingly sweet in this drink. Plain soda water is probably your best alternative.

My home bar is Hemingway’s Underground, the hottest cocktail bar in pretty little Medina, Ohio. I’m behind the stick Wednesday-Saturday, 4-10. Last call’s at midnight. Swing on by and I’ll make a drink for you … or anything else from our little Happy Hour here at Wonkette.

OPEN THREAD!