Welp. Tabs, Tues., July 7, 2026

So those things happened in the news!

Tabs gifs by Martini Glambassador!

Good morning! Anything happen in the news overnight? Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Because everything Donald Trump touches dies, the United States men played like shit last night and lost to Belgium. Look, now nobody has to worry if Balogun’s red card was fair, because Donald Trump got involved, and whenever he does that with sports or anything else, he rubs loser all over it and it dies, at least for some period of time. You’ll remember how the Knicks came back to win the series once Trump was out of the airspace. Not the US men, though, they’re eliminated. [NPR]

Fuuuuuuuck.

Steve Bannon is just mad Trump was fighting for that gross anchor baby guy in the first place. In case you were worried Bannon wouldn’t find his Nazi lane with this story. [JoeMyGod]

And then there’s that other thing in the news. The thing about Mitch McConnell being allegedly braindead and they’re just keeping him artificially alive to keep Senate numbers up? Haha! That’s what Laura Loomer says! [Daily Beast]

Here is the rest of her conspiracy theory!

Well OK!

A reminder about who Mitch McConnell is:

And then there is the OTHER other thing in the news, which is that Maine Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner has been credibly and thoroughly accused of rape in a story that came out in Politico yesterday afternoon. No, it’s not the same woman as last time. Yes, it’s an extremely thorough story with multiple angles of corroboration, contemporaneous notes and records, including from a therapist and … yeah. If he gets out now, there is still time for the Maine Democrats to get somebody new on the ballot. [Politico]

So it’s time for Maine Democrats to get a move on and do that. [The Nation]

Just as news was coming out about this, news was also dropping about how panicked Republicans are because of how bad their internal polling is. So if Maine Democrats can do anything to salvage this, yes, now would be the time! [Fox News]

Platner is taking “time to reflect,” probably on exactly what time today he’s quitting. [Politico]

He appears to be trying to negotiate the terms of his own surrender.

You betcha.

Lest anyone think this is an establishment conspiracy, here is dapper Dr. Abdul El-Sayed, who is very likely to be the next senator from Michigan, joining the literally everyone who is calling for Platner to GTFO.

In fact, it is a veritable heck of a lot of people telling him to GTFO. Also rescinding their endorsements, obviously. [Guardian]

Know who ain’t gotta rescind an endorsement?

And here is Hasan Piker, also not anyone’s idea of one of Chuck Schumer’s establishment henchmen, explaining that this is as close to an airtight accusation as you can get, and that this is “curtains” for Platner.

Kevin McCarthy knows what we do with rapists.

Which brings us to this excellent post from Mother Jones about what Kevin McCarthy said right there.

Fuck Kevin McCarthy.

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Joe Rogan knows why there isn’t currently any rap at the top of the charts, that must be what USAID did.

Oh boy, that Wall Street Journal story about how the world leaders manipulate and handle and baby Trump, and how they’ve been actively making plans to break up with the United States, is something else. [Wall Street Journal]

Here is a scathing ruling against Trump. [New Republic]

ICE Nazis out of fucking control, each one infected with Little Man Syndrome that goes all the way to the top of the regime. [Washington Post]

Donald Trump knows exactly what TikTok is, you can tell.

Okeydoke, gonna be a long day/week/rest of year! So we’ll call these tabs over.

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