What Does Fox News Have To Say About Trump Trying To Destroy Evidence? LOL

Cope, losers.

The new superseding indictment Special Counsel Jack Smith filed against Donald Trump on Thursday night over his efforts to hide classified documents in that cut-rate San Simeon he calls home in Florida is bad. We know it’s bad. You know it’s bad. Lawyers know it’s bad. Babies know it’s bad. The squirrel pooping atop the fence outside our window as we type this knows it’s bad.

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Jack Smith Has New Indictments In His Pocket, Is Also Happy To See Us!

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You know who also knows the indictment is bad? The mouth-breathing lunkheads at Fox News know it’s bad. Which is why the primetime lineup mostly ignored what would in just about any other universe be big news. When they weren’t ignoring the charges, they yelled about unequal justice because Hunter Biden got a plea deal (which he now didn’t!) despite being America’s greatest criminal since the Cleveland Torso Killer, or some such.

Greg Gutfeld mostly talked about Thursday’s hearing that someone in Congress for some reason thought was a good idea on whether aliens have been visiting Earth. Hannity spent the first 90 seconds of his show trying to draw an equivalence between the new charges and JOE BIDEN GARAGE CHINATOWN CORVETTE SOMETHING SOMETHING before bringing on Alan Dershowitz to reassure him that Hunter Biden’s plea deal (which now isn’t) was a corrupt sweetheart deal. (We guess the Dersh has given up on ever getting back on the Martha’s Vineyard cocktail party circuit.)

But we would be remiss if we did not at least note that Laura Ingraham invited on Sen. Josh Hawley, the biggest dork to roam Washington DC since Urkel accidentally stowed away on that Amtrak, to pretend that despite being a lawyer and a former law professor and a state Attorney General, he’s more confused about the new Trump charges than a Lhasa Apso with a head injury:

INGRAHAM: They just keep piling on Trump from every corner.

Well, he seems to have committed a lot of crimes!

HAWLEY: Now we’re down to charging random people, just throwing those into the indictment.

We assume Hawley is referring to newly indicted Carlos De Oliveira, property manager at Mar-a-Lago who at Trump’s direction — allegedly! — went all Rose Mary Woods on surveillance footage of the closet where his future convicted felon of a boss was illegally keeping classified documents. And then allegedly lied about a whole bunch of stuff to the FBI, such as that he never saw or touched or had anything to do with any boxes that Trump moved to Mar-a-Lago after reality pried him out of the White House.

Then there was some blah blah with Hawley pretending to be outraged that Joe Biden has yet to go on national television and admit to being a huge crook despite all the evidence that he took bribes which makes him the worst criminal president since Bill Clinton lied about getting a hummer from an intern. (No seriously, Hawley complained that the DOJ keeps letting both Hillary and Bill Clinton off the hook.)

The worst sucking up that we could find, however, came from Kari Lake. Facelift Barbie went on Newsmax to tell Eric Bolling that the DOJ is “playing checkers, while President Trump is playing chess at the highest levels.” We assume she meant compared to brain slugs.

Meanwhile, even lawyers who once defended Trump from criminal charges will publicly admit that his lifetime of crimes may finally be catching up to the giant orange oaf. The splendidly mustachioed Ty Cobb, whom you may remember from being on Trump’s defense team during the Robert Mueller investigation and also from spiking Home Run Baker, told the Guardian:

“I think this original indictment was engineered to last a thousand years and now this superseding indictment will last an antiquity,” Ty Cobb told CNN. “This is such a tight case, the evidence is so overwhelming.”

Oh God please don’t let this last an antiquity. America has suffered enough.

[YouTube / The Guardian]