Like most of you, I do find fundamentalist Christians amusing, like clowns. Such merry puppets, spinning around and around! Sometimes, however, it seems like they've gone into reruns: it's all gays, gays, gays , and fetuses, fetuses, fetuses all the time, tsk. Our beloved Jesusy minstrels need some fresh material! What's really a shame is that all the new material they need is right there in the Bible. There are soooo many things other than hairdressers and dead zygotes that God hates! Lucky for you I've got the Wonkette Time Scoop™ available, so we can peer into an alternative universe where Christians do spend more time hating these other, neglected things to hate, for Jesus. Unfortunately, the Wonkette Time Scoop™ kind of sucks, and all it can get from this unnervingly familiar parallel world is a few screen shots. Join me after the jump for a look!
The LORD also hates it when we do work on the sabbath, laundry, cooking, gathering sticks: all these offenses warrant the death penalty to be sure. But when is the sabbath, exactly? Saturday or Sunday? The Christians have kind of muddied that up a bit.
What about those apostates in math and physics and engineering who insist that &pi; is one of those so-called &quot;irrational&quot; numbers (or worse, a &quot;transcendental&quot; number)? Huh? What about them? In <a href="" target="_blank"> Kings </a> it is written: <i>23 And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.</i>
So &pi; is 3! Not some fancy-schmancy &quot;mathematical&quot; concoction.
SINNER!! You&#039;ll bring down God&#039;s wrath on ... South Dakota ..? Or somewhere. Locusts, probably. Maybe a landslide. Flooding, that&#039;s always a classic. AT ANY RATE, GOD WILL PUNISH <strike>YOU</strike> SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE, AT SOME POINT
&quot;Faith&quot; is what they try to replace it with. I have to wonder if it actually does work? Relying entirely on Faith instead of Logic? Do those fundies ever have moments, of &quot;weakness&quot; would probably be how they characterize it, where they find themselves questioning their tenets? I would think it must happen pretty often, based on how their God did kind of a piss poor job with his Holy Words and Commandments and whatnot.
Ha, who am I kidding? Fundamentalists, despite all that prayin&#039;, seem a little weak on introspection.
Based on Leviticus 19:27&#039;s &quot;Ye Shall Not Round The Corners Of Your Heads,&quot; I nominate our very own Shypixel for Wonket Sainthood.
The hat&#039;s ok (though it looks like it&#039;s &#039;shopped), but that cardigan <i>is</i> an abomination. And apparently they don&#039;t have it in his size.
It was bigger on the inside - just like the ark.
The LORD also hates it when we do work on the sabbath, laundry, cooking, gathering sticks: all these offenses warrant the death penalty to be sure. But when is the sabbath, exactly? Saturday or Sunday? The Christians have kind of muddied that up a bit.
IMHO, no one has ever in the history of the world looked better with a tattoo.
What about those apostates in math and physics and engineering who insist that &pi; is one of those so-called &quot;irrational&quot; numbers (or worse, a &quot;transcendental&quot; number)? Huh? What about them? In <a href="" target="_blank"> Kings </a> it is written: <i>23 And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.</i>
So &pi; is 3! Not some fancy-schmancy &quot;mathematical&quot; concoction.
SINNER!! You&#039;ll bring down God&#039;s wrath on ... South Dakota ..? Or somewhere. Locusts, probably. Maybe a landslide. Flooding, that&#039;s always a classic. AT ANY RATE, GOD WILL PUNISH <strike>YOU</strike> SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE, AT SOME POINT
I just spilt my seed on the ground laughing at this post. NO, NOT LIKE THAT! I knocked over my bag of corn nuts.
I&#039;m still going to be in trouble, aren&#039;t I, Lord?
That gives Paula Deen&#039;s &quot;Southern Dishes&quot; a whole new meaning.
&quot;If one tries to use logic&quot;
&quot;Faith&quot; is what they try to replace it with. I have to wonder if it actually does work? Relying entirely on Faith instead of Logic? Do those fundies ever have moments, of &quot;weakness&quot; would probably be how they characterize it, where they find themselves questioning their tenets? I would think it must happen pretty often, based on how their God did kind of a piss poor job with his Holy Words and Commandments and whatnot.
Ha, who am I kidding? Fundamentalists, despite all that prayin&#039;, seem a little weak on introspection.
Based on Leviticus 19:27&#039;s &quot;Ye Shall Not Round The Corners Of Your Heads,&quot; I nominate our very own Shypixel for Wonket Sainthood.
Oysters Bienville LIBELZ!
No, no, wait. Not LIBELZ. Wait a minute...
LUST! That&#039;s the word I was looking for.
Look, it&#039;s an engineering approximation, okay?
Maori libel !!!!
Dammit, where do people essay that?! So grating. Why not just punch Shakespeare in the sac?
The hat&#039;s ok (though it looks like it&#039;s &#039;shopped), but that cardigan <i>is</i> an abomination. And apparently they don&#039;t have it in his size.
Love the sinner, hate the clothes.
&ldquo;Bless me Father, I ate a lizard.&rdquo; â Walter M. Miller Jr., <i>A Canticle for Leibowitz </i>