Oh, jeez, it's not like I didn't know this was going to happen! I assumed it would be later rather than sooner, however, so this is where you all come in! Calling all Wonketeers! Your Pink Pony is in trouble ("Lassie, what'll we do?")! I know you all are a bunch of smartypants, so, like, "What if you came up with ideas for me and then I stole them and we all lived happily every after?" Everybody wins! So please, Pony Pals, leave your "What if" ideas in the comment section, and I'll give you credit when/if I use them. You can up-vote your faves! Oh, and I know how you bitches love to spoil things, so I promise I won't look at any comment replies.
What if Jesus really had recently returned and lived among us as the man we knew as Christopher Hitchens? And that all of Hitchens' writings were compiled and made into the third book of the Bible? And that fundies were going to have to recognize it as the true and literal word of the Almighty?
What if William S. Burroughs was the New Prophet? And that a large and resource-rich nation in the Middle East underwent a revolution and endeavored to create an entire society based on strict and severe adherence to Burroughsiah Law?
What if the series <i>Lost</i> hadn&#039;t really been a drama, but actually represented footage that was never supposed to see the light of day because it documented six consecutive seasons of things going terribly, horribly wrong in the series <i>Survivor?</i> And that the truth is finally trickling out?
(I know, <i>Lost</i> wrapped up its broadcast run three years ago, but it&#039;s still being heavily accessed and viewed via Netflix. Especially in my house. Also, too, does anyone still watch <i>Survivor?</i> Asking for a friend.)
What is up with GOP guys always wearing red ties? Dark suit, white shirt, and red tie. Plus flag pin obviously. Imagine a display of the red ties of former GOP legends. Has a Republican ever worn a bow-tie (not including Millicent Fenwick)?
What if Bill O&#039;Reilly suddenly <i>could</i> explain it. All of it.
Would he use his sudden superpowers of braininess for good, or would he start picking fights with God for stupid things like pi being off by a hair, and platypuses?
Would he eventually return to his normal self, Flowers-for-Algernon style?
What if God really was upset by <a href="http:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/\?search=Lev.+11%3A9-12&amp\;version=KJV&amp\;language=en" target="_blank">people eating shrimp</a> and wearing polyester, just like the Bible says.
This is why he smites us all. This is probably the best explanation for why we have Rightwingers, Teabaggers, and &quot;Creationist Science.&quot;
Oh, that&#039;s just crazy talk.
What if Jesus really had recently returned and lived among us as the man we knew as Christopher Hitchens? And that all of Hitchens&#039; writings were compiled and made into the third book of the Bible? And that fundies were going to have to recognize it as the true and literal word of the Almighty?
What if William S. Burroughs was the New Prophet? And that a large and resource-rich nation in the Middle East underwent a revolution and endeavored to create an entire society based on strict and severe adherence to Burroughsiah Law?
What if the series <i>Lost</i> hadn&#039;t really been a drama, but actually represented footage that was never supposed to see the light of day because it documented six consecutive seasons of things going terribly, horribly wrong in the series <i>Survivor?</i> And that the truth is finally trickling out?
(I know, <i>Lost</i> wrapped up its broadcast run three years ago, but it&#039;s still being heavily accessed and viewed via Netflix. Especially in my house. Also, too, does anyone still watch <i>Survivor?</i> Asking for a friend.)
It just kept producing more and more fur, but never got rid of any of it?
Would anyone even notice anything different?
And then shut down the gubmint for 17 days because Obamacare is, like professional wrestling, totally <i>FAKE!</i>
And that Harry Reid is really Tony Clifton.
Thomas E. Dewey.
Poly-cotton shirts and double-knit fabrics really are abominations, though.
What if every time a Faux News person said &quot;Benghazi!&quot; a nut got its wings?
Oh, wait...
What is up with GOP guys always wearing red ties? Dark suit, white shirt, and red tie. Plus flag pin obviously. Imagine a display of the red ties of former GOP legends. Has a Republican ever worn a bow-tie (not including Millicent Fenwick)?
But is she WORTHY of Mjolinir ?
You can&#039;t spell thug without HUG.
What if the My Little Pony cast was the Supreme Court ?
What if other religions and Christian sects were allowed to discrimate against Fundies? What if athiesists ran our schools ?
What if Bill O&#039;Reilly suddenly <i>could</i> explain it. All of it.
Would he use his sudden superpowers of braininess for good, or would he start picking fights with God for stupid things like pi being off by a hair, and platypuses?
Would he eventually return to his normal self, Flowers-for-Algernon style?
What if God really was upset by <a href="http:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/\?search=Lev.+11%3A9-12&amp\;version=KJV&amp\;language=en" target="_blank">people eating shrimp</a> and wearing polyester, just like the Bible says.
This is why he smites us all. This is probably the best explanation for why we have Rightwingers, Teabaggers, and &quot;Creationist Science.&quot;