WHERE'S ME JUMPER? Tabs, Mon., Feb. 24, 2025

Morning news roundup and things to read and watch!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador! Is there anything cuter than a tapir? NO is the correct answer.

Good morning friends!

Before we get into the many things that happened this weekend and interesting stuff to read, how about some inspiring words from the lady who warned everybody? (Not Hillary, the other one.) Kamala Harris accepted the NAACP chairman’s award Saturday night. It is today that our best work can be done! Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty! Organize, mobilize, educate! The American story will not be written by rich douchebags or the fudgeclown in the Oval Office, but by we the people!

So, what democracy-dismantling things did That Man get into over the weekend? Welp, firing Charles “CQ” Brown, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and guy a thousand times more qualified than drunken lout Pete Hegseth, who’s spent years whining that Brown is “woke.” Bone Spurs’ downgrade DEI replacement nominee for CQ’s job is three-star general Air Force Lieutenant General Dan ‘Razin’ Caine, who qualified himself by kissing the royal heineyhole at past CPACs, and being in business with Jared Kushner’s brother. Also fired, six Pentagon officials: Adm. Lisa Franchetti, the first woman to lead the Navy; Gen. James Slife, the vice chief of the Air Force; and the top lawyers for the Army, Navy, and Air Force, so they can’t get in the way of WHATEVER Secretary Shitfaced has in mind, UH OH. And Trump’s already fired his own pick from a few weeks ago, (acting) director of ICE Caleb Vitello, for not meeting his deporting-people quota. (NY Times gift link/ Washington Post archive link/ WSJ gift link). And he named Dan Bongino deputy director of the FBI.

That Elon Musk! While he’s not busy channeling his bitter divorced dad energy into making life difficult for the mothers of his children, swinging a decorative chainsaw, or trying to buy a Wisconsin Supreme Court Seat, he’s letting AI right-wing Russian disinformation about the German elections pump on his hellsite and Xitting a gazillion times a day, including: “Consistent with President @ realDonaldTrump’s instructions, all federal employees will shortly receive an email requesting to understand what they got done last week. Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation.” Kash Patel and Lusli Gabbard have already told their employees to ignore him. (Mother Jones/ Spiegel International)

Speaking of German elections, conservative opposition leader Friedrich Merz is the new chancellor, and he’s got STRONG WORDS for Trump/Musk. “For me, the absolute priority will be to strengthen Europe as quickly as possible so that we can really achieve independence from the United States, step by step. I never thought that I would ever need to say something like that, on television, but after the latest statements made by Donald Trump last week, it is clear, that the Americans — at any case these Americans, this administration — mostly don't care about the fate of Europe one way or another.” Also “The interference in the German elections by Elon Musk and Trump's Washington were no less drastic, dramatic, and ultimately no less brazen, than the intervention that we have seen from Moscow.” (DW)

Isn’t it ironic, dontcha think? Freelance journalist Jacob Silverman dug up that Edward “Big Balls” Coristine’s dedooshka is Valery Martynov, a KGB agent who started spying for the US, then got executed by the Russians after he was exposed by traitor spies Aldrich Ames and Robert Hanssen. (Jacob Silverman)

Federal Judge Dale Ho has put dismissing charges against Eric Adams on indefinite hold and appointed outside counsel Paul Clement, who was Dubya’s Solicitor General with all the conservative bonafides. Meanwhile, four more of Adams’s officials have quit him because they don’t want to get any more tainted by his cooties. (The City/ NY Times archive link)

Trump pouted and sneered when Maine Governor Janet Mills told him to his face “I will comply with state and federal law” when it comes to his fake-science trans ban Title IX bullshit, so now he’s sent the Dept. of Ed Civil Rights Division to find an excuse to pull funding from Maine’s Department of Ed for being insufficiently obedient to his kinglike powers. (Advocate)

Happy fourth (?) arrest, former Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio! That guy just can’t stay out of trouble or keep his hands to himself for nothing! (WUSA-9)

Pam Bondi’s chief of staff at the DOJ has accused Judge Ana Reyes of “misconduct” for handing DOJ lawyer Jason Lynch his ass at that hearing about Trump’s anti-trans Executive Order last week. (Bloomberg archive link)

The Associated Press is suing three Trump officials after its reporters were banned from Oval Office events and the presidential plane for not calling a certain body of water the “Gulf of America,” and now even Fox News and Newsmax are supporting the AP. (AP / Deadline)

An uplifting story! After 26 years, Baltimore’s ice hockey program for underprivileged youth is still sparking joy. (Baltimore Fishbowl)

A rubbernecking-the-tribulations-of-New Yorkers story! How three maddening parrots ruptured lives and friendships and cost an apartment building more than a million bucks in fines and legal fees. (New York Times archive link)

A lookie-eyeball-emoji story, what went on with Rep. Cory Mills of Florida in a DC penthouse that led to an assault investigation and a police report that got revised three times? Why is a bruised 27-year-old woman telling the police that married-with-children Mills has been her significant other for more than a year? HMM? (NBC4 Washington)

Hey, it’s a promising vaccine for pancreatic cancer! Quick, somebody tell RFK Jr. that it’s derived from raw milk and horse paste. (Science Friday)

A joint British-Egyptian dig has found the tomb of pharaoh Thutmose II, the half-brother and husband of Hatshepsut, and he looks like Jay Pharaoh, or maybe it’s just me. (The [UK] Times)

And now the best part of tabs, inflicting a song on you that has been stuck in my head for days. You’re welcome, fellow University College Cork alums from the ‘90s. POGO TIME!

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