Discover more from Wonkette
Which Alabama Senate Candidate Can Hump Donald Trump Hardest? The Bible One, Probably
Luther Strange, Mo Brooks, and Bible Boy
The special election race to fill the Senate seat formerly held by Jeff Sessions is just chock full o' strange, and that's only partly because one of the candidates is Luther Strange, who was appointed to temporarily hold the seat by former Gov. Robert Bentley shortly before Bentley resigned last year in his bosoms-and-sexting scandal. The most important issue in the election seems to be which candidate can prove he loves Donald Trump the most and will be the most loyal promoter of Trump's agenda, whatever it turns out to be. And also who'll resist the dangerous liberalism of Mitch McConnell, too. Remember, this is Alabama we're talking about.
In addition to Strange, who picked up Trump's endorsement yesterday, the other top candidates are Congressman Mo Brooks (R-MSNBC) and former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore (R-Ten Commandments), who finds himself free to run for Senate since he got booted for loving Jesus too much. The race so far has been largely about the practical pocketbook issues that matter most to Alabamans' daily lives, like which candidate can make the most over the top display of his love for Jesus and Trump.
Luther Strange made a strong bid for the God/Trump endorsement at a candidate forum a while back, proclaiming,
President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country … I consider it a Biblical miracle that he’s there.
Moore wasn't about to get out-Jesused by anyone, so he explained that God picks our leaders, at least when a Republican wins:
God puts people in positions in positions he wants … I believe he sent Donald Trump in there to do what Donald Trump can do.
And Brooks promised that, if he wins, he'll make sure the Border Wall gets built just the way Donald Trump wants it, or he will personally filibuster by reading the Bible -- King James version only -- from cover to cover until the Senate approves the funding. He didn't say whether he'd insist the funding be seized from Mexico, or perhaps the Corinthians. (Both of them.) A stunt like that is sure to make Brooks at least as popular as Ted Cruz, with his Green Eggs And Ham.
The ads, not surprisingly, are where the real insanity has oozed out into public view. Here's one on behalf of Strange, from Mitch McConnell's super-PAC, in which we learn that the Bible-thumping Brooks, who supported Ted Cruz in the 2016 primary and called Trump a "serial adulterer," is actually in league with Nancy Pelosi and Elizabeth Warren because that is just logic:
Brooks just plain resents Strange's suggestion that he's not fervent enough in his Trump-humping, so he offers this ad showing the actual check Brooks wrote to support Trump. And just look at who's endorsed Brooks!
I wrote a $2,500 check to help President Trump beat Hillary, and in Congress, I vote with President Trump 95 percent of the time. So who are you going to believe? Mitch McConnell and Luther Strange, or conservative thought leaders like Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter, and Mark Levin? They've all endorsed me because I support President Trump's America First Agenda.
Yep, Mo Brooks used the term "conservative thought leaders" for those looneybirds without a hint of irony.
In addition to the ad from McConnell's PAC, Strange also has his own ad in which he says he chats with Jesus every day and promises to Drain The Swamp, which is why he's the target of nasty "Never-Trump insiders" who want to keep him from fulfilling his destiny:
You have to embiggen the video to see it, but that target he's shooting with his silenced pistol is labeled "Obama's attack on 2nd Amendment." Good to know he won't let Obama get away with taking away our guns.
And then there's Roy Moore, who may actually end up going to the Senate because Alabamans just can't stop themselves from voting for him. He's at the top of a recent poll, although the big establishment money is behind Strange. Moore's ads are, as you might suspect, a tad unsubtle, linking top Republicans with demonic Democrats and crying that the Republicans "lied" when they promised to repeal Obamacare. You'd almost think Moore is running against Mitch McConnell, who, we should note, does not live in Alabama, but in either Kentucky or Tennessee, which we can never keep straight. (We kid -- he's from Mordor.)
Mitch McConnell’s D.C. slime machine’s spending millions spreading lies about Roy Moore. Bearing false witness. Why? We know why. We all know why.
Why indeed? Look, you just know why. Roy Moore, you see, is "Honest," "his own man," he "fears God," "stands for the Constitution" (at least the parts that let Christians do whatever they want), and "Believes what we believe," which is mostly a lot of crazy. Still, you have to love this image of Mitch McConnell's evil turtle head surrounded by all the bad guys Moore will defeat in a single Republican Senate primary, including some Democrats and two members of the House. He's just that good!
The actual primary is next Tuesday; nobody's likely to get over 50%, so the two top candidates will go on to a September runoff, and then defeat whichever sacrificial candidate the Democrats put up for the general election in December. Remember, it's Alabama.
Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the "Donate" linky, or Nancy Pelosi will take your children and guns.