Whiny, Spoiled California Schoolchildren Denied Air Conditioners They’ve Been Demanding

Finally, someone is looking out for PG&E.

Well, there’s good news and bad news for California schoolchildren this week.

Once upon a time, the California Schools Healthy Air, Plumbing, and Efficiency program (aka CalSHAPE) had almost a billion dollars set aside in utility funds to help schools upgrade their ancient AC and plumbing, some of which was old when I was a California schoolchild and that was back in the last century, when Ronald Reagan was still president and our summers were warm and fun instead of a season that just straight up kills you. Good times!

But back in 2024, the California Energy Commission abruptly closed applications to the program with $191 million unused, and now that money must be returned to utilities, by law. The other problem is that it’s fucking hot out there and we’re about to hit a Super Duper El Niño, which is the scientific term for it now, because I guess “whoa shit, whoa fuck, we are so not prepared for this big-ass motherfucker” takes too long to say!

So the bad news is that public schools aren’t going to get any more grants for upgraded air conditioning systems, after years of students and teachers suffering through ever-more-sweltering weather in tiny, hot, airless classrooms that you can’t even open the windows in because of mass shooters or some shit. The good news is, if any of those schoolkids are shareholders in state-run utility systems they’re going to be making bank!

And it’s great news for California utilities: They get to claw back the better part of nearly $200 million from a bunch of whiny little shits who are always complaining about the heat!

It just seems like school sucks now even more than it did when I was a kid and all I had to worry about was big dumbshit bullies and their big dumbshit bully parents with swastika tattoos and whatnot.

It gives me that much more empathy for students today, though, and for the hardworking staff at a lot of these schools who are trying to make do, in the god-awful heat, with budget cuts and threats to replace them with AI if they so much as speak up on behalf of students. I have a lot of friends who are public school teachers, which seems to have a lot in common with journalism!

I guess the utility companies need a little good news though, since they suffered so much after the Los Angeles fires of 2025 that destroyed entire neighborhoods and ways of life, and now they are all sad faces after our governor’s bill to limit their liability costs died quietly this week without even getting a vote.

Governor Gavin Newsom had proposed amending existing legislation to shift the costs away from utility companies, which as written preserves the ability for wildfire survivors, local governments, and insurers to pursue wildfire-related claims against utilities and does not cap damages. That’s good! We want that! We don’t want to let these fuckers off the hook!

You know what happens when we let deregulation enthusiasts take the wheel? Enron! And then those same people decide they’re the smart ones, and they start crawling on their little worm bellies toward whatever power they can amass, and eventually they’re running entire fucking countries straight into the ground. So the quiet drowning in the bathtub (figuratively!) of this proposal is a good thing, if you ask me and not a utility company.

You know what a bad thing is? Letting little kids suffer in hot, airless classrooms! Maybe utility companies could try not taking money away from schools and be up front in their roles in causing human misery? Just a suggestion!

So back to little kids not getting their ACs. Don’t worry, they have three more years to still not get them!

“After last-minute negotiations, lawmakers passed a budget trailer bill giving schools that had already received funding an additional three years to finish projects before the state claws back the money,” CalMatters reported. “But they dropped a separate measure that would have re-opened applications for schools to make upgrades because it did not have support from Gov. Gavin Newsom, according to sources familiar with the negotiations.”

Just sign the balcony solar bill, Governor Goodhair. Then we can all power our air conditioners and maybe the utility companies can go fuck themselves in peace, as Hecate intended.