11 Comments

I almost went with "Farthammer", but I thought ending with "Hairy Dick" was funnier than "Old Fart".

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All rise for The Weiner of the House, Representative Louis Gohmert.

FTFY

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Yoho ho and a bottle of dumb

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Wait. I thought Ted Cruz was the head of the House Tea Party caucus.

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Will Louie take the plunge, or will he find his road to the speakership blocked, like a bunged-up toilet?

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The tea party is about to be hit with the Rigid Rod of Reality. The House Speaker will remain the same and there will be divisions amongst the GOP members.

Hilarious.

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I hear that Dead Breitbart has some time on his hands. How hard can it be to lead a do-nothing Congress?

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Louie would be amazing. Fuck it, I want to see that.

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Wait, you forgot Ted Yoho. He has announced that he is willing to serve and along with Boehner and Gohmert, he too has a stupid name. The great tradition of the position of Speaker being held by a stupidly named moron started in 1853 with the ascension of Grievious A. Dickwhistle from Tennessee.

Like Gohmert, Dickwhistle too was an idiot. He would often be on the floor of the house railing on about the creeping Chinese influence and how soon all of our children would have slanted eyes. A large man with long flowing hair, he would often be referred to as that "Big Hairy Dickwhistle", "Long Dickwhistle" or just "Hairy Dick".

The point is that we are at a memorable point in our history where a true ignoramus like Gohmert or Yoho may follow in the footsteps of the great congressional blockheads that helped forge this fine country. In a short time, we might be there to experience the moment when Louie Gohmert becomes our very own "Hairy Dick".

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Louie Louie, oh no This term's gonna blow, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah Said Louie Louie, oh baby We're the party of No, yeah..

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The results are in! Louie Louie got 3 votes to lead the pack of also rans. YOLO got 2 and I believe Colin Powell got one too...

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