418 Comments
User's avatar
Megan Macomber's avatar

Pete's acting like a suddenly-dry drunk lately: the angry outbursts, the petty rages, the thin skin under all that makeup. When you quit your addiction all the issues that drove it surge to the surface, and his are clearly not being addressed by, um, professionals. This could be even more dangerous than if he were drinking...

Not that Pete drinking would be a great idea, either.

Jeri in Tx's avatar

jennifer hegseth - wife and designated driver.

Bagels of Doom's avatar

"JENNIFER! WHERE'S THE SPACKLE?"

Spleen Victoria's avatar

Look, do you want Master to favour you or do you want to remain in your bottle forever? If you don’t have warm cookies or boooobs or immigrants to terrify then you need to be most beautiful in order to rise up the ranks.

I Stedman's avatar

Perhaps a bit OT, but this is how empires fall. The American Bar Association is suing the Department of Justice... Everyone accusing everyone of everything, and only the lawyers get paid.

No wonder the plumbing goes wrong.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/24/american-bar-association-trump-doj-lawsuit

LP's avatar

It's the only way to throw a monkey wrench into the grinding Trump machinery. It's not like it's a frivolous lawsuit, like someone suing a network because he thinks they made his rival look too good, or the hundreds of other examples.

Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Evan. No notes.

Sy's avatar

I really want a picture of the makeup room.

beb's avatar

Maybe Hegseth can help JD Vance with his eyeliner issue because the point to make up is not looking like your wearing make-up.

Paul Pinkosh's avatar

“A straight guise for a queer guy.”

archy's avatar

So THAT'S where Sean Parnell disappeared to.

He was the worst governor in Alaska's history (before the current occupant) and seemed to have slunk away into some dark unplumbed nether region.

It figures, though, that the scummy rat would surface in this cesspool.

seemefeelme's avatar

I think it's now clear that Jennifer is his sober coach.

Sy's avatar

Or maybe his bartender.

John Strycharz's avatar

Acne scars? VD? Leprosy?

Gern Blansten's avatar

The Warfighter Song

(With apologies to the Roadrunner and Coyote, either one of which would make a better SecDef than the cartoon fool currently befouling the Pentagon)

🎵Warfighter (Leaker), the FAKE NEWS is after you,

Warfighter (Drinker), if they catch you shitfaced you're through,

That Leaky Drinker (Warfighter) is really a crazy clown,

Petey gonna share big war plans all over town,

Poor little Drinky Warfighter never bothers anyone,

Just drinkin' and leakin’ is his idea of having fun🎶

John Santos's avatar

"You say third wife as if you expect there to be another" Maj H. Strasser to Capt L. Renault

Who is this and where am I's avatar

I don't know why, but his story reminds me of John McCain's reply to his wife before the 20-whatever presidential debates when she mentioned something about his hair:

"AT LEAST I DON'T PLASTER ON MAKEUP LIKE A TROLLOP!!"

Oh, Walnuts McDroopyDog, how I miss you.

archy's avatar

America's favorite war criminal grandpa.

Andrew L. Erdman's avatar

"For an administration that’s so anti-trans, so anti-LGBTQ+, so utterly hateful and Nazi, so preternaturally and sensitively obsessed with projecting an appearance of masculinity, these boys sure do wear a lot of makeup." Roger that.