430 Comments
User's avatar
Megan Macomber's avatar

Pete's acting like a suddenly-dry drunk lately: the angry outbursts, the petty rages, the thin skin under all that makeup. When you quit your addiction all the issues that drove it surge to the surface, and his are clearly not being addressed by, um, professionals. This could be even more dangerous than if he were drinking...

Not that Pete drinking would be a great idea, either.

Expand full comment
Jeri in Tx's avatar

jennifer hegseth - wife and designated driver.

Expand full comment
Bagels of Doom's avatar

"JENNIFER! WHERE'S THE SPACKLE?"

Expand full comment
Spleen Victoria's avatar

Look, do you want Master to favour you or do you want to remain in your bottle forever? If you don’t have warm cookies or boooobs or immigrants to terrify then you need to be most beautiful in order to rise up the ranks.

Expand full comment
I Stedman's avatar

Perhaps a bit OT, but this is how empires fall. The American Bar Association is suing the Department of Justice... Everyone accusing everyone of everything, and only the lawyers get paid.

No wonder the plumbing goes wrong.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/24/american-bar-association-trump-doj-lawsuit

Expand full comment
LP's avatar

It's the only way to throw a monkey wrench into the grinding Trump machinery. It's not like it's a frivolous lawsuit, like someone suing a network because he thinks they made his rival look too good, or the hundreds of other examples.

Expand full comment
Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Evan. No notes.

Expand full comment
Sy's avatar

I really want a picture of the makeup room.

Expand full comment
beb's avatar

Maybe Hegseth can help JD Vance with his eyeliner issue because the point to make up is not looking like your wearing make-up.

Expand full comment
Paul Pinkosh's avatar

“A straight guise for a queer guy.”

Expand full comment
archy's avatar

So THAT'S where Sean Parnell disappeared to.

He was the worst governor in Alaska's history (before the current occupant) and seemed to have slunk away into some dark unplumbed nether region.

It figures, though, that the scummy rat would surface in this cesspool.

Expand full comment
seemefeelme's avatar

I think it's now clear that Jennifer is his sober coach.

Expand full comment
Sy's avatar

Or maybe his bartender.

Expand full comment
John Strycharz's avatar

Acne scars? VD? Leprosy?

Expand full comment
Gern Blansten's avatar

The Warfighter Song

(With apologies to the Roadrunner and Coyote, either one of which would make a better SecDef than the cartoon fool currently befouling the Pentagon)

🎵Warfighter (Leaker), the FAKE NEWS is after you,

Warfighter (Drinker), if they catch you shitfaced you're through,

That Leaky Drinker (Warfighter) is really a crazy clown,

Petey gonna share big war plans all over town,

Poor little Drinky Warfighter never bothers anyone,

Just drinkin' and leakin’ is his idea of having fun🎶

Expand full comment
John Santos's avatar

"You say third wife as if you expect there to be another" Maj H. Strasser to Capt L. Renault

Expand full comment
Who is this and where am I's avatar

I don't know why, but his story reminds me of John McCain's reply to his wife before the 20-whatever presidential debates when she mentioned something about his hair:

"AT LEAST I DON'T PLASTER ON MAKEUP LIKE A TROLLOP!!"

Oh, Walnuts McDroopyDog, how I miss you.

Expand full comment
archy's avatar

America's favorite war criminal grandpa.

Expand full comment
Andrew L. Erdman's avatar

"For an administration that’s so anti-trans, so anti-LGBTQ+, so utterly hateful and Nazi, so preternaturally and sensitively obsessed with projecting an appearance of masculinity, these boys sure do wear a lot of makeup." Roger that.

Expand full comment