We’re careening to the close of the midterm elections, together, finally, and this is when things classically get weird as normally robotic candidates for elected office start pulling out all the stops.
But this one really busts the cherry. It’s a Steve Hilton special, clearly written by and trying to pander to the types of people who still think “blue-haired bisexual liberal” is some kind of insult.
But I can’t get offended by this ad (which is called “Just Try It, California”) because it’s just so fucking funny. In it, two young ladies get together in a bedroom and the more experienced one (you can tell she’s more experienced because she has a lip ring!) takes the lead in initiating the younger one in her favorite activity, practice voting!
Steve, buddy, how did you find out about my first time?
The year was 2000. I was living in Alaska. It was a sheltered, apolitical life, free of confusing desires about the direction of the country.
But then, one night at my favorite Anchorage bar, Mad Myrna’s, I met an incredible woman, who took me softly by the hand, brought me to her home, and led me to the bedroom.
“Have you ever voted before?” she asked me gently.
I was only 23. I had not. I told her so, tossing my pink hair.
“You have to do some basic research first,” she whispered, nibbling my earlobe. “You don’t want to just vote for a ringer.”
She drew back and looked me in the eyes. “What’s more,” she added softly, a small, sexy smile on her face, “sometimes ballot measures are written using deceptive language. It’s worthwhile to take some time beforehand to thoroughly read them all, so you aren’t stressing on Election Day.”
“But how will I know if my read of the language is accurate?” I asked, stroking my practice ballot on the bed and picking up a pencil.
“Voter guides might help,” she whispered softly, playing with a blue lock of her hair. “It’s often helpful to review several voter guides from organizations you know and trust, just to get different perspectives on confusing language.”
“Oh,” I said. “Is it hot in here, or is it just my personal politics?”
Then the bottle of baby oil that she was holding for some reason spilled all over her shirt and the bottle of baby oil that I was holding for some reason spilled all over my shirt, so we had to take our shirts off and wrestle with our political consciousnesses for a while.
Let’s just say, we had no dangling Chads to get in the way that day.
And that’s the very first time I voted in a presidential election!
I am not convinced these two young laydees are not AI, but that is a great political ad regardless. The problem is, it doesn’t exactly make me want to vote for Steve Hilton, it makes me want to vote for Ms. Blue Hair and Ms. Pink Hair, for President, of California. I think they would do a wonderful job!
Oh and a big hello to my parents, who are just finding out about my voting history today! Hi guys! Thanks for reading!
This is excellent, Brooke!
Excuse me, I have to go cast an absentee ballot right now.