Wingnuts Fondly Remember Simpler Time, When Americans Were Too Poor For Buttsex

Back in my day, you didn't just HAVE buttsex. You had to work for it, and each time you got it was a special treat. You had to walk uphill to get it, both ways, in the snow, and when you got there, your pecker was simply too frostbitten to get your reward. Ever tried to jam an icicle between a rock and a hard place? It breaks. And that was your pecker.

 Wingnut radio host Steve Deace:  

You had to have the welfare state before the sexual revolution ... Prior to the welfare state, decadence in affluent cultures like ours, usually only happened, primarily happened, in the affluent classes, where you could afford to have multiple wives, where you could afford to have gay lovers ...

Do you know what a good gay lover costs these days? (We didn't ask YOU, Gawker.) Why, when I was younger, my mother used to give us two nickels and we'd go down to the Woolworth's and buy ourselves a milkshake and piece of butterscotch candy, but we never would have thought of taking a gay lover, those cost at least a quarter and, well, we come from humble beginnings. Daddy's boss, though, he had gay lovers, and Daddy -- your grandfather -- would say, "Son, this is America. If you work hard enough in school and apply yourself, maybe one day you can have your own collection of male fucktoys. Sadly, your mother and I will never have that much money."

The average worker in the worker class ... could barely afford one wife and one group of kids, rather than to act out immorally, didn't have someone else picking up the tab for his immoral actions. No one was subsidizing his depravity. We have that today.

After the war, everything changed. The men were coming home from battle and trying to rebuild their lives, and so the government decided to create all kinds of programs to help them buy houses and go to college and all that, but as with most big government liberal experiments, all that happened was a massive increase in welfare-mooching buttsexers, sitting at home all day doing buttsex with YOUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS GRRRR.

John Stemberger, head of the Florida Family Policy Council, agrees with Deace:

These kind of arrangements are almost like luxuries. People who are hard-working and having to be self-sufficient, and are not going to be propped up by the government, don't have the luxury of doing stupid, immoral things.

Americans with a healthy work ethic just don't have time for buttsex. They can do P-in-V sex to their wives, because that only takes 30 or 45 seconds for the average Wingnut-American. Oh but look at you, Little Lord Fauntleroy, with your convertible and your yacht and your golfing trips with the King of Spain, you must have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD for buttsex, well isn't that just FANCY DAN?

[ Right Wing Watch  via   RawStory ]