Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 11, 2016

Now there's a headline Scarborough can't squirm his way out of.

Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette might be splainering today!

• That DNC hack we've been telling you about? It just got a hell of a lot bigger! The FBI is now warning Russian hackers may have breached the Democratic Governors Association and the personal email of Clinton staffers.

• Trump is now saying that Obama is the founder of ISIS , and that they honor him because he's a secret Muzzie. If they love him so much, I wonder if ISIS will buy my rare, one-of-a-kind Obama gold double-eagle coins from 2008?

• Remember that time yr Wonkette made a bit of history by linking to sexytime emails of Florida Congressman Mark Foley had with a 16-year-old House Page? Not only is he a Trumpkin, but Mark Foley was spotted at a Trump rally in Florida last night! You guys think he's works out? And did HILLARY CLINTON KNOW?

• Hoo-boy, Hannity had a train wreck of a show last night. He and Laura Ingraham want to remind you it's immoral not to vote for Donald Trump (yes it is), Clinton has seizures, and that people are crybabies if they don't vote for Trump.

• The hiked skirt brigade at Fox thinks people who don't support Trump can, "eat a bag of dixie." Aww, bless your hearts.

• Looks like Geraldo and his parasitic face caterpillar will be crying into a bag of dixie now that he's said he's tired of Trump's bullshit. 

•  Rudy Giuliani and Doald Trump are in LOVE (no-homo) and his prostate cancer has left him butthurt because Hillary Clinton was Bill Clinton's "bagman." (Cancer's no joke, but Rudy Giuliani exploiting his own butthole for sympathy is.)

• Joe Scarborough just wants you forget the last year he spent blowing Donald Trump because he's now on the NeverTrump trolley.

• Oh, and Scarborough also wants everyone to know that the opinions of filthy casuals hold less weight than the man-splaining analysis of wealthy, white Republican men. Lean back, jerk-off.

• The Washington Post actually did some real journalism again! They found a 2007 deposition where Trump was forced to disengage his reality distortion field and admit he's goddamn liar, over, and over, and over again.

• Here's some more longform newz about the raging Trumpster fire in the Republican party since the Republican National Convention.

• According to Pat Robertson, yr Wonkette is inspired by Satan because we don't like Pat Robertson or Donald Trump.

• During a rally in Des Moines yesterday, a protester rushed the stage only to be met by a calm, collected Clinton and a gaggle of Secret Service fellas .

• In the age of rebellion, Evan Bayh is the establishment hero Indiana has been waiting for to run for the Senate.

• Liz Cheney may take an open Senate seat in Wyoming's state house primaries next Tuesday, provided that she manages get off her lazy ass and actively engage voters.

• Wisconsin's fucked up voter ID law (courtesy of Gov. Scott Walker) has been stayed by a court , and making it harder for people (the poors) to vote. FYI: THAT is how you rig an election.

• Hillary Clinton loves the Mormon people of Utah so much that she wrote a nice letter to the million-marriage mischief-makers about how she's cool with Jesus AND Joseph Smith's magic hat!

• IN THE NAVY, not only can you sail the seven seas, but you can now declare yourself transgender. 

• The unstable turd sandwich known as Alan Grayson has convinced his daughter to run for local office too.

• And here's a little Nice Time from the Sloth Sanctuary in Costa Rica. It's Princess Buttercup!