Wonkagenda: Thursday, September 29, 2016

Morning Wonkettarite! You're all smart, sexy people (YES, YOU ARE!) but you probably know some people without all the smarts, so take a minute and check out these voter registration deadlines. Make sure your spawn and your squad know that they need to get off their asses and vote! Now, here's some of the stories yr Wonkette might be talking about today.

• • Back in the late 1990's Donald Trump appears to have violated the Cuban embargo just before launching his first failed slow moving trot to the White House at a meeting of the Cuban American National Foundation, and we're starting to lose count of all the federal laws he's broken.

  •  Congress voted to override President Obama's veto of a bill allowing families of victims killed on 9/11 to sue states who sponsored the attacks, specifically Saudi Arabia, because money can buy happiness and closure.

  •  U.S. intelligence officials aren't exactly pointing fingers at Russia for incessantly breaking in to U.S. data systems (yet), but they're certainly staring very intently with leering eyes and pouty lips. Remember to change your passwords regularly!

  • More state voter registrations have been attacked and penetrated by malicious cyberdickheads with ALLEGEDLY Russian accents.

  • According to Donald Trump, Google is in conspiracy cahoots with Hillary Clinton to hide all the mean stories about her emails sexing-up and murdering former staffers over real estate deals.

  •  Donald Trump didn't say he didn't pay any taxes, but he sure as hell isn't denying it either.

  • While Congresscritters were trying to figure out a way to pass another keep-the-lights-on spending bill, their constituents were hosing them down with fire hoses, of cash. 

  • Texas just wants to remind you that you need to bring your drivers license when you hop in your 4-wheel-drive gas guzzling American-made pollution machine to vote, otherwise you have to sign a statement saying that you're poor, not white, and probably not even an American.

  • Gary Johnson's Sedan of Sadness went off-roading last night with Chris Matthews when he could not name his favorite foriegn leader,thanks to another "Aleppo moment." [Video] 

  •  Mean Megyn Kelly dragged Kellyanne Conway through the dirty pages of history last night when she lady-splained all those times Trump demeaned all the womyns who bleed from their wherevers.

  •  Bamz has told his aides not to leave any dick jokes behind inside their desks when they leave next year (that's yr Wonkette's job)!

  •  There's a reason business people are running for office.  Spoiler alert:  lots and lots andlotsof fucking money.

  • Here's your morning Nice Time! It's Samantha Bee's team going to the historic Stonewall Inn, as well as some other random bar full of douchenozzles, for debate reactions.