Wonkagenda: Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Well hello there, Wonketariate, and a good taco Tuesday to you! Here's some of the stories 'Yr Wonkette might be talking about today!

•  Melania Trump is totally cool with her husband grabbing handfuls of vaginas because he was just having "boy talk" and nothing is true because the cameras weren't on. Case closed!

•  The FBI and the State Department were kind of (but not really) trying to scratch each others backs with Hillary Clinton's emails. The FBI was all, "This is top secret business," and the State Department was all like, "Nah, it's just regular business," and the Republicans smell VICTORY.

• After calling into into a crazy man's talk radio show, Donald Trump gushed about how much he would love to meet Vladimir Putin before the election (but for real this time, not like the time they were "stablemates" in separate pre-recorded segments on teevee) so they can ride horsies bareback without shirts in the woods and just talk about guy stuff.

• There IS a conspiracy to sabotage Donald Trump's business spearheaded by voters who don't want to buy Trump-branded products because Donald Trump might be bit rapey (and also a racist, misogynist tax cheat). BOMBSHELL!

• Retired Marine Gen. James Cartwright, a former vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, pleaded guilty to leaking classified information about a SUPER SECRET computer hack attack on Iranian nuclear facilities back in 2012.

•  Ecuador is grounding spoiled brat Julian Assange by shutting off his Internet access (NOT the U.S. or Britain), and they want him to stay in his room and think about what he's done.

• Some podunk Pennsylvania town has booted its mayor out of office after he posted some horribly racist garbage about our B. Barry Bamz and his family on the Facespace. Does ANYONE have any original Internet scandals that don't involve dick picks or ape references?

• Donald Trump may want to think about building a wall in front of Canada now that Canada is responsible for trafficking and illegal immigration. Justin Trudeau is already placing government-sponsored taco truck on every Canadian corner.

• Observe a su padre estadounidense Tim Kaine, spekas muy buena spainish en una manifestación! 

•  Pennsylvania Sen. ('fraidy) Pat Toomy still will not confirm, nor deny, his support for Donald Trump so he'll just keep dodging the question until election day.

• Now that he's retiring, Harry Reid is lobbing hilarious bombs against Donald Trump and Republicans. He's now calling Trump's campaign "fat, ugly and dirty."

• The revolving door of Washington politicians turned lobbyists is spinning faster and faster, with many former Congress critters raking in an average of $357,182 after they leave government, which is a much better deal than sitting around and screaming at each other in some crusty old building.

•  A nonpartisan group is lobbying both Clinton and Trump's campaigns to adopt a policy of paying their interns because interns aren't just super-cheap slave labor, they're poor people who like to eat, just like you. (Full Disclosure: Yr Wonkette Intern is well-compensated because Yr Editrix is a super awesome nice lady!)

• Here's your morning Nice Time! It's our B. Barry Bamz sprucing up his résumé with Stephen Colbert!