Wonkagenda: Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Morning Wonketariate! Are you ready for tonight's vice presidential debate? If you're in Chicago, come join Robyn and me, Dominic, for a night of boozy, political funtimes, otherwise you can park your ass by the computer and drink with yr Wonkette on the liveblog! Now here's some of the stories yr Wonkette may be talking about today!

• Looks like Mike Pence will have to get used to all the new spooky brown people moving into Indiana now that a federal appeals court has stopped him from banning Syrian refugees who want to settle in Indiana. Let's see how he explains away this one!

• Donald Trump's super businesses skills apparently glossed over the fact that he rented office space for an Iranian bank with links to terrorist organizations. It's cool though, because it looks like they stiffed him on the rent anyway.

• The U.S. and Russia aren't on speaking terms after Russia screwed the pooch in Syria. On top of that, Russia just pulled out of nuclear arms control agreement. Someone's sleeping on the couch in the dog house.

• Sen. Ed Markey and Rep. Ted Lieu have introduced legislation in the House and Senate that would remove the U.S. First Use nuclear policy. Why can't we be friends?

• New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte NOW says she misspoke when she said Trump was a good role model, probably because it might come across as the full-throated, ball gargling endorsement that Kelly Ayotte does NOT want give!

•  Good news for those of us who could use another taco truck on every corner! Muchas latinos se registra para votar! Muy bien!

• Some racist old fuckers in Shithole, Indiana, made a parade float that showed Hillary Clinton in an electric chair, and an Easter Island moai head in blackface with sign that read, "Obama," because they thought it was funny. Bless your black hearts, ya'll.

• The NRA used Kim Kardashian getting robbed as an excuse to make fun of her and gun control because they're genuinely inhuman lizard people without souls.

• Douglas County, Georgia Commission Chairman Tom Worthan SWEARS he was coerced into saying some hardcore racist dogshit about black people in positions of power. I mean, come on, a BLACK SHERIFF?

• Want see Barbara Pierce Bush tweeting selfies of her super support of Hillary Clinton at a Paris fundraiser? Of course you do!

• Ron Paul, best known for leading a gaggle of constitutional crazies on a fantastic voyage of stupidity and failure, suggested that Gary Johnson is a fucking idiot and you roll up your ballot with Jill Stein instead. 

• You know how much you like your super sexxxy man-crush from up North, Justin Trudeau? He issued legislation that says Canada will implement a nationwide carbon tax because pollution is so not sexy!

• Watch this quick 'splainering on Mike Pence and Tim Kaine if you're wondering how the vice presidential debate might go tonight!

• Watch as Jimmy Kimmel break down Trump's word salad, and remember that there are people who have to transcribe everything Trump says. It's true!

• And here's your morning Nice Time: Fishing Cats! They're like regular kitties, but bigger, and they fish!