Wonkagenda: Wednesday, October 12, 2016

• USA Today says one in four elected Republicans just can't bring themselves to support Donald Trump. PATHETIC! LOW ENERGY LOSERS!

• Now that no one wants to be seen with Donald Trump, Kellyanne Conway thinks the GOP needs to stop "Pussyfooting around". Really.

•  A Trumpkin at a Pence rally said she wants a revolution, so Mike Pence totally pulled a McCain and told her that wouldn't make it with anyone anyhow.

• Mike Pence had to cancel a couple of fundraisers earlier this week because NO ONE wanted give the campaign money. Pence had to cancel a rally in New Jersey on Monday, and ALSO had to cancel a fundraiser or two in Nebraska because Mike Pence is a just a lame and boring liar, unlike Donald Trump who is an bigger, louder liar.

• Nebraska Senator Deb Fischer, probably reeling from a lack of Pence in her life, has decided to flip-flop her unendorsement of Donald Trump, and re-endorse Donald Trump. Geez, make up your mind, lady!

• Virginia Rep. Barbara Comstock is running from Donald Trump as fast as she can despite having built her career on throwing sleaze at the Clintons.

• Watch and be amazed as Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold, owner of "Blow-Me.org," tells Chris Hayes he doesn't think saying raping women is that bad. Then take a mosey on over to Twitter and gawk at how quickly and halfheartedly he thumbed out an apology. 

•  Hillary Clinton might be gaining support among military members because she isn't a complete lunatic who thinks "nuclear football" is a new type of sport.

• The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has ordered one of the largest credit unions for members of the military, Navy Federal Credit Union, to pay a combined $28 million for shady debt collection practices. This is where we remind you how much Congressional Republicans hate the idea of a government agency looking out for deceptive business practices. 

• The Internet's new meme machine, Ken Bone, has decided to stay in the #bonezone and not endorse anyone yet, because he's a coal man who thinks gay people are A-OK! Where is your new God now?

• Some cops in San Antonio wore those stupid Trump hats while in uniform at a Trump rally, and may now face disciplinary action since San Antonio hates freedom. Guess the stars aren't that bright over Texas after all.

•  Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are tied in Utah according to a new poll, because those shifty eyed Mormons just can't support Donald Trump. The joke here is that Evan McMullin (AKA: still a nobody, albeit a Mormon nobody) is only trailing both Clinton and Trump by four points.

• When conspiracy peddling crazy person Alex Jones called President Obama and Hillary Clinton "demons" who reek like "hell" and "sulfur", Obama laughed it off because it doesn't exactly pass the smell test.

• Now that Julian Assange has started releasing his super damning October Surprises from the Russian-hacked emails, we're learning all sorts of terrible things about Hillary Clinton, like how John Podesta was bugged by Blink 182 guitarist Tom DeLonge to spill the beans about the UFOs. Damn it, E.T., go home! You're a worse house guest than Julian Assange!

•  Donald Trump doesn't know when election day is. Don't tell him I told you this, but,Election DayisNovember 8, 2016.

• You know what's awesome? Space! It's so freaking awesome that our Preznit B. Barry Bamz wrote a thingy about allowing NASA to work with the budding private space industry to get our asses to Mars! Sign me up!

• And here's your morning Nice Time: it's Seth Myers breaking down how the GOP is falling apart! Point and laugh with us!