Wonkette After Dark: Which President Most Resembles A Penis? And More!

Dwight D. Eisenower is the president who most resembles a penis. Just kidding, it's George Washington. Barack Obama looks kind of like a penis if you blur your eyes. Maybe he is the third or fourth most penis-looking president.

Oh hello! We were just talking to ourselves about which presidents look like penises, and ranking them. How are you? That's too bad. Anyway, welcome to Wonkette After Dark. Wonkette After Dark is a place and a thing, but not a person. The point of Wonkette After Dark is mostly to talk about what presidents look like what genitalia, and also philosophy, and also to rank every president named Franklin in order of sexiness, and also to have a post up here that you can fuck around on.

1) Franklin Pierce. 2) Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Did you read anything today that was funny, but you're not sure if it was supposed to be? We did. It was this:

It is times like this which demand to be altered; which call for a Martin Luther, a Tom Paine, a John Brown, perhaps a Gingrich.

Someone called Bernie Quigley wrote that, and The Hill put it up on their nice website. What a weird world.

Here is a Philosophical Question: Have you ever bought a bag of radishes at the grocery store, and used all of them, for food? Feeding to livestock does not count.

"perhaps a Gingrich."

Hoo boy.

If John McCain had become president, he would have been the second most penis-looking president ever.

Some of you are aware that Wonkette After Dark ( @wonkafterdark) is a place and a thing on Twitter, also. We did that so you could tweet at it and it might answer you, unlike that cold bitch @wonkette.You tweet @wonkette a lot, but she never answers, like she's better than you. She is, but still, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Actually you do. But you should still follow @wonkette and tweet our gross lying headlines to all your fake friends on Twitter.

So maybe if you tweet @wonkafterdark, it might say stuff to you, like this:

 @WretchedSnark It's erotic art, and the horse is totally into it.

— Wonkette After Dark (@WonkAfterDark) April 2, 2014 

Wouldn't that make you feel special, and naughty, if someone said that to you?

Abraham Lincoln really doesn't look like a penis.

[ The Hill ]