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ziggywiggy's avatar

The next Movie Night we will be celebrating Pride month with a viewing of 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 (𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟒)!

https://open.substack.com/pub/ziggywiggy/p/wonkette-movie-night-june-29-pride?r=2knfuc&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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Barney Rubble's avatar

I watched this one and thought "it's not as good as the old one." Then I watched the old one again and thought "this isn't as good as I remember it."

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goCatgo's avatar

That happens to me.

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CJ's avatar

right? i think they're comparable. different eras of comedy but about the same overall quality

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Babe Paley's avatar

On call phone rang at 3 am for a warrant--I try to sound so chipper and awake that it sometimes takes the officers aback. Anyway, by the time I found my glasses, read the warrant, swore in the officer and signed it I was totally awake.

Then it's my weekend to do the in custody probable cause findings and warrants, so I headed over to court at 7, even though it's dark, cool, and rainy and so a treat for us out in the desert and such good sleeping weather.

Had computer issues so I had to restart. Found myself resenting everyone arrested in the past 24 hours.

Also realized that I have the 6 am probable cause findings for the next 3 days, so now I just want a morning cocktail and a nap!

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goCatgo's avatar

Thanks for your work.

I love the scenes in movies when one cop asks another cop "You sure you wanna wake up a judge for THAT?"

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paxpax's avatar

My sister and I call that "fake-awake" when we try to sound awake - and say "are you awake or FAKE-AWAKE"

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Thank you for what you do, Babe.

Such efforts are not sufficiently appreciated often enough.

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Babe Paley's avatar

It's okay. I'll think about staying in bed a little longer, but I also know there are folks who are scared who are wondering if they're getting out of jail today--probably also thinking about what they'll have to say to their families or jobs in some cases, and pets and just being in jail...and I know YES, some of those people ARE going to be in jail, and need to be at least for right now (if someone's a danger to the community or their families or something, they DO NOT get released) but if you just got picked up for failing to appear for your minor speeding ticket, or for simple possession of a controlled substance or shoplifting, let's get you out for now and address your case in a few days.

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Werewolf's avatar

Posted by a bunch of my (((globalist))) friends on FB-a picture of two tablets with Hebrew writing to be used in Louisiana classrooms:

The Hebrew is a Rickroll.

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El Bastardo's avatar

A buddy of mine won Class Clown when I was a senior in high school.

In our yearbook is a pic of him wearing a shirt that looks like it has something written in Hebrew. Upside-down it says GO FUCK YOUR SELF.

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Werewolf's avatar

I remember those. They actually got banned at a Jewish summer camp that I attended as a teenager.

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C&A Bongo Man's avatar

Thou shalt never give one up.

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ExecutorElassus's avatar

How dare the Jews undermine our wholesome god-fearing America by interfering with our efforts to post the Ten Commandments in public schools!

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

#WaitForIt

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

I favor posting the Hebrew version in classrooms. Maybe it will encourage five year olds to learn Hebrew so they can read the commandment about coveting neighbor's ass or something. Then they can ask their parents what it means. That is if I can be a fly on the wall when that happens.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I asserted that should be mandatory immediately after this unconstitutional edict was announced.

These commandments need to be posted in Hebrew. It is somehow appropriate that in the alternative universe these Rethuglicons seek to contrive that their rules be read from right to left.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

They have a hard enough time reading left to right.

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Khavrinen's avatar

Or any other direction.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Especially Chinese, vertically.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

You can tell when Hamilton is stoned by what he writes.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

I love it.

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Pope Scipio Newburyporticus's avatar

I'm developing a bifana addiction. I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday's sandwich so I had another one today. With a beer. This could be a problem if I live here.

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Mysterysurf's avatar

Had to look that up. Something like this? "These bifanas are traditional Portuguese pork sandwiches made with thin slices of pork, a white wine paprika marinade, and papo secos." I think I'm addicted just reading that.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

Does anyone else have that dream that starts with Julia Child getting out the basting brush and a bottle of Astroglide?

Just me?

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Ward From Cali's avatar

Was she played by Dan Aykroyd? That seems an appropriate question for this thread.

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Khavrinen's avatar

I had a dream once where my Dad was trying to teach Paris Hilton about gravity in our garage, by pouring white latex paint down a sloping piece of old plywood.

He's a *music* teacher.

She did not seem to be learning much.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

>> She did not seem to be learning much. <<

She has people for that.

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Hemp Dogbane's avatar

I'm still stuck with that one where I'm at college wandering around trying to figure out what's going on. Campus appears to be Franz Kafka U.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

And where are your pants?

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Werewolf's avatar

I woke up from a dream this morning-I turned to the Missus to ask if she had some treif forks, because there was an Asian woman in our kitchen who wanted to shred some char siu pork. Maybe because I took an edible before going to bed last night.

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ExecutorElassus's avatar

#NoKinkshaming

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

#YesKinkcelebrating

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V4Virginia's avatar

That is ... oddly specific.

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Rooster Cogburn's avatar

No

Not recently anyway

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PhoenixDogLover's avatar

We watched The French Chef as a family. I enjoyed her attitude as she splashed a little Chablis into a saucepan and then proceeded to drink the rest of the bottle.

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Shananigan's avatar

Would it help to know that during The War she was not only a spy but helped invent a recipe for shark repellent?

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Ms. Childs is a fascinating woman!

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

no

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Bobathonic's avatar

Wait, there are other dreams?

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JustPixelz's avatar

(glances around furtively) Not me.

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Mysterysurf's avatar

The baking secret I didn't know I needed.

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MorganX's avatar

Another example of what I consider my Easy Listening list, haha. Not bad morning music for those of you sad fuckers with hangovers :-D

Cage The Elephant

"Neon Pill"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MY9fGsHetc

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Hemp Dogbane's avatar

The station I often listen to, The Current, has this one on rotation. I heard an NPR interview with the songwriter one Saturday a month or so ago. Lyrics of his very personal MI experience.

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VasyaCognito's avatar

Ronny Jackson's pre-debate analysis and recommended course of action.

Aaron Rupar:

Rep. Ronny Jackson announces on Maria Bartiromo's show that he's writing a letter to the White House demanding that Biden submit to a drug test for performance enhancing drugs before the debate

https://x.com/atrupar/status/1804887556732953066

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BoB the TacoɔɒT, Tumbrel Pilot's avatar

Joe will get good laugh from that. I wish I could see he reaction.

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Rooster Cogburn's avatar

Needs moar “Forthwith “

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JustPixelz's avatar

What are these cognitive performance-enhancing drugs? (asking for a friend)

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C&A Bongo Man's avatar

Ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine smoothie.

Why else do you think Q makes so much sense?

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Pathetic even for the Candy Man

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JustPixelz's avatar

But what does "Doctor" Ronny JOHNSON think?

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Ans: {{{null}}}

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Khavrinen's avatar

Like I'd take advice from a guy who doesn't even know his own name.

After all, Trump said it was Ronny *Johnson*, and the MAGAts all know that every word that comes out of his mouth is truer than the word of God.

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avidlurker's avatar

Speaking of the word of God, are we all aware that the specific words of the Ten Commandments spelled out in that Louisiana law come to us from Cecil B. DeMille and not the King James Bible? If you used the actual KJV commandments, you'd be in violation of the law.

See for instance https://kevinmkruse.substack.com/p/thou-shalt-not

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Runny johnson. (Sorry that makes me LOL)

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Bobathonic's avatar

That symptom is a lot like dick trickle.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Dick Trickle is my gameshow host stage name.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Obviously he was not a pissing race driver.

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avidlurker's avatar

That's the Fox pre-debate line. Seeing that everywhere. "Joe is going to win the debate. And he's going to look coherent to you when you watch him unedited. Same as the State of the Union. Obviously the explanation is that there are magic anti-Alzheimers drugs he's on every time we don't get a chance to edit him."

And every Republican will repeat this line, and every MAGA already believes it.

Can't do anything about that. But it's fun to see how hard they're setting up the expectation that Joe is going to wipe the floor with Orange Jabba. I'll bet the Orange Fart Cloud will perform way beyond their expectations, and not in the positive direction.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Ronny Jackoff: Fap fap fap fap fap fap...

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SkeptiKC's avatar

This is nothing short of a gawd damned disgrace.

After what Uncle Joe suffered through Beau's drug problems the LAST thing that man would ever do is develop a bad habit of his own.

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MorganX's avatar

I want a hair test on Doctor Feelgood, for particular "Performance Enhancing" drugs :-D

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

I wouldn't be surprised if runny jackoff took "Performance Eroding" drugs.

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MorganX's avatar

*cackles*

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

I wonder if runny jackson's voice echoes.

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User's avatar
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Jun 23, 2024
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SkeptiKC's avatar

Perpetual prevaricating projection prevails.

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Jun 23, 2024
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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

"Hereby" is one of the top ten words used by wankers everywhere.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Still stunned a dude who was shitty to people first gave as his excuse for being more shitty as "poutine was mocked".

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John Thorstensen's avatar

Well, you know he did have a point, that since most of us are Americans, we're all BY DEFINITION morons who know nothing about history.

God, what a tool.

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Bobathonic's avatar

Now *that's* a delicate snowflake.

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PhoenixDogLover's avatar

Now, THERE was a guy who could burn through a relationship.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

Also, too, to give the guy credit, he was married to a poutine at the time, so it was inevitable that he'd take that personally.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

John Shapiro showed up here again this morning?

The other day he slammed me for not knowing that the Dalai Lama is only head of some but not all branches of Tibetan Buddhism.

Of course, I'd never said that the Dalai Lama was head of every branch of TB. Still, it was quite the gotcha. I felt forshamed all the way through a quart of chocolate ice cream.

Honestly I don't know if I'll ever recover.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Honestly the weirdest part is he sent me a DM over Substack to likely insult me in private. Joke's on him as it'll be a cold day in hell before I download the Substack app

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Crip Dyke's avatar

If people can't insult me in public where I insult them, then they obviously don't have the courage of Trump's convictions.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Also calling me a vile …. is on brand. I am Queen of the Vilebloods, which in Bloodborne are kinda the good guys or at least the least evil faction

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Obviously, you need more chocolate ice cream to assure a swift and successful recovery.

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Chicken ate my Ballot's avatar

Well, I had a poster tell me that I needed to be careful about who I flagged …

‘Warned’ me.. and Primer on a comment to Me to be careful!!!!

( yes I flagged that ass that called Jenny the “C” word and I’ll do it again)

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Still confused about what * their *

Damage was I didn’t even slander the poutine

* the wonk that warned me not the troll…

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Shananigan's avatar

Whaoh, we have a troll?!

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PrimerGray's avatar

He told Jenny, Queen of the Vilebloods to " Fuck off, vile c***". I sprained my reporting finger.

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Shananigan's avatar

Yikes! Do you think it was one of those trolls that used to post over on the other place pretending to be an ethnicity they were not?

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PrimerGray's avatar

I’m not sure. They have a Substack profile that was hard to suss. In this case, they slammed the Lama for his tongue sucking off the little boy but in the comment history they praised Woody Allen for his 50 year film history. Someone like Huggy was provocative and had a theme. This person was just an angry asshole for whatever reason.

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John Thorstensen's avatar

I didn't get that sense. His nominal backstory was that he was raised in Hong Kong but emigrated to Canada; his 'nym did not suggest Chinese ethnicity, though. He definitely was sure that no one else except for him knew anything about anything, and was gratuitously nasty basically all the time.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Irony, he didn't know shit about fuck.

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User's avatar
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Jun 23, 2024
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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

I told him Canada hadnt won the cup in 30 years, and I think I banished his soul to the shadow realm. Also called him a Mountie with a flapping head and beady little eyes

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Mysterysurf's avatar

Had, yesterday. Trix exiled him pronto.

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Crip Dyke's avatar

Yeah, I thought she had, which is why I was a bit confused when Jenny brought him up this morning. But now I understand she was speaking historically.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

We accountants record liabilities at historic costs

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PrimerGray's avatar

To quote G. W. Bush...

That was some weird shit.

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Mysterysurf's avatar

Shapiro, we barely knew ye.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

But we knew its hypocritical purity

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MorganX's avatar

Some enervating and dance-inducing music for your weekend morning; OHJB used it during the 2021 Inauguration :-D

New Radicals

"You [Only] Get What You Give"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j91RZ01PZwA

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Solid one hit wonder, and yes folks tend to reflect back what you give

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

One of my favorites!

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Joe Beese's avatar

Mr Bananas Gives Us A Piece Of His Mind Whilst Enjoying His Banana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRoMKj3chAY

Content Warning: ADORABLE BAT BABY

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memzilla's avatar

"There once was a bat from Nantucket..."

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Have you ever swallowed a tree? Many parts are edible.

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Mysterysurf's avatar

Yeah, but you'll be shitting logs.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Sometimes you gotta cleanse.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

(Simba needs to have some words with you, young man)

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PrimerGray's avatar

Euell be surprised how true that is.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

At least his last name wasn't Shitgibbons.

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PhoenixDogLover's avatar

There was an old lady who swallowed a horse,

she died of course.

* thanks, Mom, for that lifelong earworm *

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

And pop goes the weasel and stuff.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Bear!!

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Well?! Fork them treats over right now!

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MorganX's avatar

It's TRUE. So you need to submit!

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Daniel's avatar

https://www.rawstory.com/kristi-noem-cricket/

Jesus Christ, Noem is still digging that fucking hole.

"You know, I would say that that was a story from 20 years ago about me protecting my children from a vicious animal," Noem replied. "And any mom in those situations, when you have an animal that's viciously killing livestock and attacking people, it's a tough decision."

I mean. Just. Just fucking stop.

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Pandora's avatar

If the puppy was vicious, she would have said so in her book. But no, she bragged about killing a puppy that pissed her off and embarrassed her in front of friends. And got off on it so much she iced a goat for good measure.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

The only people she can spin what she wrote at are the idiots who will believe her spin.

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Rooster Cogburn's avatar

She can’t help herself

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John Thorstensen's avatar

Noem is still digging that gravel pit. Lawsy.

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El Bastardo's avatar

Try digging up.

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VogonPoeticLicense's avatar

So, 20 years ago her children were 19, 16, 13. Must have been a fearsome puppy to endanger teens.

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Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

I'd like to hear the kids versions of this likely fabricated tale.

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Daniel's avatar

Ruh roh!

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Mr blob's avatar

There’s no part of her that experiences even the tiniest pangs of remorse for her actions that day.

She, I’m sure for years at this point, has defined herself as a bad ass for her decision to murder her dog that day. She to this day doesn’t understand why people are mad at her for it.

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Hemp Dogbane's avatar

Sure she's sliding into irrelevance, but her clinging to minor fame ensures my Noep t-shirt remains relevant a bit longer.

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Jenny Queen of the Vilebloods's avatar

Seriously, Noem, just disengage.

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BrianW's avatar

"When your opponent is making a mistake, it's rude to interrupt them."

Napoleon, or Nelson, or somebody.

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PrimerGray's avatar

It's a tough decision for sure. I mean, how difficult it must be to ponder the choice of killing a puppy or taking it to a shelter or other facility that may be able to correct the behavior.

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abbienormal's avatar

Sarah Palin did that momma bear schtick in 2008, Kristi. It was bullshit then and it is bullshit now.

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Blamethrower:  The Weirdening's avatar

As entertaining as it was, nobody has the energy for another Palin clan in 2024...

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John Thorstensen's avatar

I'm ready for another "Bayeux Tapestry of meth-fueled hillbilly grifter brawls" myself.

The CLASSIC Dok Zoom column describing the event, along with the figure caption alluded to:

https://www.wonkette.com/p/palin-rumble-update-palins-didnt-start-the-fight-they-just-finished-it

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Zyxomma's avatar

The drawing is by my friend, author Jeanne Devon, from her old website, The Mudflats, where I first got information about Palin.

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John Thorstensen's avatar

If you talk to her, please convey the appreciation of Wonketeers everywhere for that magnificent rendering. It, along with Dok's caption, could not possibly be improved.

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PrimerGray's avatar

The Boeberts have exhausted those energy stores.

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

That vicious…puppy!

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

She's going to be really surprised when she emerges in China or someplace.

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VogonPoeticLicense's avatar

Or from the seabed floor of the Indian Ocean, in the case of my antipodal point.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Well, I was assuming that she's not competent enough to avoid missing the center of the Earth.

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VogonPoeticLicense's avatar

Cricket can testify to her aim, if we can arrange a seance. A puppy shaped area at 10 paces, projected onto the far side of the globe might be the size of Australia. If she did it execution style, her aim could land her in Arkansas.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

This is too complicated for me while I'm baked.

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Mighty Little Dog's avatar

Cricket libelz. You hideous bitch.

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Jun 23, 2024
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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

That's fine I'll take her backhoe away and give her a rubber chicken to shoot at the gravel pit.

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Let’s hand over some more rope, while we’re at it.

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Anarchy Pony's avatar

Last day of my staycation. Better make it count...

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VogonPoeticLicense's avatar

I am resisting the urge to comment, "Stay hard".

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GiggleSnort's avatar

Trump was in Philadelphia, lying his ass off about how immigrants are causing a massive crime wave: "Unbelievably Crooked Joe Biden is going around trying to claim that crime is down. Crime is so much up. First of all, we have a new form of crime. It’s called the Biden Migrant Crime, right? And all these millions of people that have come in, they’re just getting warmed up.” He added that the FBI crime statistics, showing a reduction in violent crime, were "fake" (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/jun/23/trumps-sledgehammer-message-to-philadelphia-is-light-on-facts-heavy-on-fear).

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Blamethrower:  The Weirdening's avatar

It's weird to me that this dude is just out there spouting stuff that's either demonstrably false, or Not Even Wrong jibberish, and... Nobody feels that it's their job to stop him somehow? Like, not a single law enforcement person has the authority to just stop this madman from causing untold harm to millions (or billions if he gets elected again...)

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GiggleSnort's avatar

If it were illegal for politicians to lie, we'd have the prisons full of them. But Trump has set a new record for frequency of whoppers coming out of his mouth hole.

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

I’m tired of this grease stain and his ever open and flapping yap.

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Bobathonic's avatar

Thankfully, noncommenters ensure that we never miss a yawp from him.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Grease stain libulz.

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PhoenixDogLover's avatar

Surely, Project 2025 will fix all that government lying.

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ExecutorElassus's avatar

I really do wonder how far away these people are from some kind of Baghdad Bob scene where they stand outside some perfectly normal scene of urban life and declare it to be a burnt-out wasteland, overrun by rampaging Negroes, with nothing but carnage and death as far as the eye can see, all while bemused families out enjoying a sunny afternoon in the park look on in the background.

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

They don't seem to be very far from that right now.

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MorganX's avatar

"Darkies" I think may be coming soon. I'm serious.

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ExecutorElassus's avatar

Given Fat Joffrey's accelerating dementia, I'd almost bet money he says the n-word on-camera at one of his hate-rallies before the end of the year.

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PrimerGray's avatar

"You're not supposed to say "n*****, they tell me you're not supposed to say it"

Crowd--- "n*****!, n*****!, n*****!"

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John Thorstensen's avatar

In 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

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Rosy red ASS's avatar

For a brief moment in time he was off the front page of most news sites when Willie Mays died and it was such a relief.

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Rosy red ASS's avatar

Not that it was a relief that Willie Mays died.....

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

With all the gaslighting going on I dare not fart.

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Mysterysurf's avatar

Don't light a match!

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