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The next Movie Night we will be celebrating Pride month with a viewing of 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 (𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟒)!

https://open.substack.com/pub/ziggywiggy/p/wonkette-movie-night-june-29-pride?r=2knfuc&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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I watched this one and thought "it's not as good as the old one." Then I watched the old one again and thought "this isn't as good as I remember it."

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That happens to me.

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right? i think they're comparable. different eras of comedy but about the same overall quality

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On call phone rang at 3 am for a warrant--I try to sound so chipper and awake that it sometimes takes the officers aback. Anyway, by the time I found my glasses, read the warrant, swore in the officer and signed it I was totally awake.

Then it's my weekend to do the in custody probable cause findings and warrants, so I headed over to court at 7, even though it's dark, cool, and rainy and so a treat for us out in the desert and such good sleeping weather.

Had computer issues so I had to restart. Found myself resenting everyone arrested in the past 24 hours.

Also realized that I have the 6 am probable cause findings for the next 3 days, so now I just want a morning cocktail and a nap!

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Thanks for your work.

I love the scenes in movies when one cop asks another cop "You sure you wanna wake up a judge for THAT?"

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My sister and I call that "fake-awake" when we try to sound awake - and say "are you awake or FAKE-AWAKE"

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Thank you for what you do, Babe.

Such efforts are not sufficiently appreciated often enough.

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It's okay. I'll think about staying in bed a little longer, but I also know there are folks who are scared who are wondering if they're getting out of jail today--probably also thinking about what they'll have to say to their families or jobs in some cases, and pets and just being in jail...and I know YES, some of those people ARE going to be in jail, and need to be at least for right now (if someone's a danger to the community or their families or something, they DO NOT get released) but if you just got picked up for failing to appear for your minor speeding ticket, or for simple possession of a controlled substance or shoplifting, let's get you out for now and address your case in a few days.

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Posted by a bunch of my (((globalist))) friends on FB-a picture of two tablets with Hebrew writing to be used in Louisiana classrooms:

The Hebrew is a Rickroll.

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A buddy of mine won Class Clown when I was a senior in high school.

In our yearbook is a pic of him wearing a shirt that looks like it has something written in Hebrew. Upside-down it says GO FUCK YOUR SELF.

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I remember those. They actually got banned at a Jewish summer camp that I attended as a teenager.

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Thou shalt never give one up.

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How dare the Jews undermine our wholesome god-fearing America by interfering with our efforts to post the Ten Commandments in public schools!

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#WaitForIt

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I favor posting the Hebrew version in classrooms. Maybe it will encourage five year olds to learn Hebrew so they can read the commandment about coveting neighbor's ass or something. Then they can ask their parents what it means. That is if I can be a fly on the wall when that happens.

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I asserted that should be mandatory immediately after this unconstitutional edict was announced.

These commandments need to be posted in Hebrew. It is somehow appropriate that in the alternative universe these Rethuglicons seek to contrive that their rules be read from right to left.

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They have a hard enough time reading left to right.

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Or any other direction.

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Especially Chinese, vertically.

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You can tell when Hamilton is stoned by what he writes.

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I love it.

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I'm developing a bifana addiction. I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday's sandwich so I had another one today. With a beer. This could be a problem if I live here.

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Had to look that up. Something like this? "These bifanas are traditional Portuguese pork sandwiches made with thin slices of pork, a white wine paprika marinade, and papo secos." I think I'm addicted just reading that.

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So good.

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Does anyone else have that dream that starts with Julia Child getting out the basting brush and a bottle of Astroglide?

Just me?

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Was she played by Dan Aykroyd? That seems an appropriate question for this thread.

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I had a dream once where my Dad was trying to teach Paris Hilton about gravity in our garage, by pouring white latex paint down a sloping piece of old plywood.

He's a *music* teacher.

She did not seem to be learning much.

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>> She did not seem to be learning much. <<

She has people for that.

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I'm still stuck with that one where I'm at college wandering around trying to figure out what's going on. Campus appears to be Franz Kafka U.

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And where are your pants?

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I woke up from a dream this morning-I turned to the Missus to ask if she had some treif forks, because there was an Asian woman in our kitchen who wanted to shred some char siu pork. Maybe because I took an edible before going to bed last night.

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Mine involves butter. But you do you.

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#NoKinkshaming

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#YesKinkcelebrating

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That is ... oddly specific.

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No

Not recently anyway

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We watched The French Chef as a family. I enjoyed her attitude as she splashed a little Chablis into a saucepan and then proceeded to drink the rest of the bottle.

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Would it help to know that during The War she was not only a spy but helped invent a recipe for shark repellent?

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Ms. Childs is a fascinating woman!

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no

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Wait, there are other dreams?

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(glances around furtively) Not me.

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The baking secret I didn't know I needed.

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Gave in and straight up cried. It was cathartic. I was thinking. “Now I am over it.” Then in walks Mr Cookie who had turned the remaining earring into an additional pendant for my necklace that my kids had made for me for Mother’s Day.

*more tears*

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This is wonderful!

You know, I had my grandma's wedding and engagement bands which were tiny and from a lifetime of wear the bands were hair thin. I had a habit of taking them off as I walked in and putting them on a table by the door, where I also dumped the mail...

One day I realized I hadn't seen them in a bit and thought they were so small that I probably tossed them with the mail weeks ago...I was also devastated. I got to the point where I wouldn't think about it for a bit and then it crashed back on me. FUCK. My grandma LOVED me and I was so careless with something that mattered to her, and was the only "thing" I had.

Months passed and I discovered them where they should have been, in my jewelry box (this shows you how often I wear jewelry).

Mr Cookie was so kind to make this pendant, and as others have said, no thing replaces that day with your mom. You have that day forever, but I know it STILL hurts and you're beating yourself up about it. It feels so awful and I'm so sorry but glad you have a way to keep one of them with you.

Please, please be kind to yourself, dearest Cookie.

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One of the things about my partner for which I am eternally grateful is that they *always* find a way to take some mishap over which I am despondent, and turn it into doing something positive that makes me happy. It really is a blessing.

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Kindness matters. ❤️

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So sweet!

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((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cookie Lady)))))))))))))))))))))))))

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[quietly wraps arms around you/strokes your forehead/rocks you gently...]

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We are such comforters, we cannot help it. I wanted to ask you to something last night but can't message you!

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You're more than welcome to ask me now if you wish.

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It was announced, but just wanted to be sure you saw it!

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Try to come to our Rogue Wonk Zoom! But it's over!

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Another example of what I consider my Easy Listening list, haha. Not bad morning music for those of you sad fuckers with hangovers :-D

Cage The Elephant

"Neon Pill"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MY9fGsHetc

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The station I often listen to, The Current, has this one on rotation. I heard an NPR interview with the songwriter one Saturday a month or so ago. Lyrics of his very personal MI experience.

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Ronny Jackson's pre-debate analysis and recommended course of action.

Aaron Rupar:

Rep. Ronny Jackson announces on Maria Bartiromo's show that he's writing a letter to the White House demanding that Biden submit to a drug test for performance enhancing drugs before the debate

https://x.com/atrupar/status/1804887556732953066

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Joe will get good laugh from that. I wish I could see he reaction.

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Needs moar “Forthwith “

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What are these cognitive performance-enhancing drugs? (asking for a friend)

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Ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine smoothie.

Why else do you think Q makes so much sense?

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Pathetic even for the Candy Man

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But what does "Doctor" Ronny JOHNSON think?

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Ans: {{{null}}}

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Like I'd take advice from a guy who doesn't even know his own name.

After all, Trump said it was Ronny *Johnson*, and the MAGAts all know that every word that comes out of his mouth is truer than the word of God.

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Speaking of the word of God, are we all aware that the specific words of the Ten Commandments spelled out in that Louisiana law come to us from Cecil B. DeMille and not the King James Bible? If you used the actual KJV commandments, you'd be in violation of the law.

See for instance https://kevinmkruse.substack.com/p/thou-shalt-not

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Runny johnson. (Sorry that makes me LOL)

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That symptom is a lot like dick trickle.

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Dick Trickle is my gameshow host stage name.

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Dick Trickle was a race driver.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Trickle

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Obviously he was not a pissing race driver.

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That's the Fox pre-debate line. Seeing that everywhere. "Joe is going to win the debate. And he's going to look coherent to you when you watch him unedited. Same as the State of the Union. Obviously the explanation is that there are magic anti-Alzheimers drugs he's on every time we don't get a chance to edit him."

And every Republican will repeat this line, and every MAGA already believes it.

Can't do anything about that. But it's fun to see how hard they're setting up the expectation that Joe is going to wipe the floor with Orange Jabba. I'll bet the Orange Fart Cloud will perform way beyond their expectations, and not in the positive direction.

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Ronny Jackoff: Fap fap fap fap fap fap...

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This is nothing short of a gawd damned disgrace.

After what Uncle Joe suffered through Beau's drug problems the LAST thing that man would ever do is develop a bad habit of his own.

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I want a hair test on Doctor Feelgood, for particular "Performance Enhancing" drugs :-D

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I wouldn't be surprised if runny jackoff took "Performance Eroding" drugs.

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*cackles*

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HEREBY!

Much official. Very authoritay.

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"Hereby" is one of the top ten words used by wankers everywhere.

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Quack.

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I wonder if runny jackson's voice echoes.

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Jun 23
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Perpetual prevaricating projection prevails.

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Still stunned a dude who was shitty to people first gave as his excuse for being more shitty as "poutine was mocked".

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Well, you know he did have a point, that since most of us are Americans, we're all BY DEFINITION morons who know nothing about history.

God, what a tool.

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Now *that's* a delicate snowflake.

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Now, THERE was a guy who could burn through a relationship.

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Also, too, to give the guy credit, he was married to a poutine at the time, so it was inevitable that he'd take that personally.

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John Shapiro showed up here again this morning?

The other day he slammed me for not knowing that the Dalai Lama is only head of some but not all branches of Tibetan Buddhism.

Of course, I'd never said that the Dalai Lama was head of every branch of TB. Still, it was quite the gotcha. I felt forshamed all the way through a quart of chocolate ice cream.

Honestly I don't know if I'll ever recover.

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Honestly the weirdest part is he sent me a DM over Substack to likely insult me in private. Joke's on him as it'll be a cold day in hell before I download the Substack app

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If people can't insult me in public where I insult them, then they obviously don't have the courage of Trump's convictions.

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Also calling me a vile …. is on brand. I am Queen of the Vilebloods, which in Bloodborne are kinda the good guys or at least the least evil faction

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